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Mon 31 Jul, 2006 01:11 pm
Why is my pet salamander named Tiny? 'Cause he's my newt.
My butcher backed into the meat grinder. He got a little behind in his work.
Later, he took a turn for the wurst.
Shakespeare walks into a bar
The barman says "Get out! You're bard
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted
rather than reiterate the thing myself, i'll just crib somebody else's version...
Quote:Last night I was treated to this shaggy dog story by Los Angeles attorney
Don Cohen, who happens to be an expert on the Portuguese fado and is
completing a collection of those songs for Music Sales. Much abbreviated,
the story runs:
A tea expert from London traveled the world tasting teas, seeking new
varieties, etc. No mountain, no gully went unsearched for the rarest of
leaves.
Then he heard of a tea, very rare, to be found only on the Island of
Mersey off the coast of Australia, a tea from a bush much favored by the
koala bears on the island. It was said to be the finest tea in all of
Christendom -- and beyond -- but was so rare it was not exported and could
be drunk only in ceremonies on the island. So he had to taste it.
Eventually, after much travail he makes his way to the island, talks his
way into a local ceremony, and lines up for his ceremonial cup of the
brew.
Much excited, he looks into the cup of this choicest of teas and seas
koala bear fur floating on the tea. Incensed, he turns to the server and
asks, "Couldn't you have at least filtered out the koala hairs before
serving this magnificent potion?"
At which the server replies, "Sir, the koala tea of Mersey is not
strained."
source:
http://listserv.tamu.edu/cgi/wa?A2=ind9912&L=folklore&T=0&P=3393
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
A group of fungi walk into a crowded bar and ordered some drinks.
The barman asks them to leave saying "There's not mushroom in here"
Piece of string walks into a bar.
Walks up to the bar.
Says to the barkeep, "A beer, sir, if you please."
The bartender turns red ith rage, clenches his fist, yells, "Beat it, punk! We don't serve string here! Hit the road before I tear you apart!"
The string walks out into the street, coils his middle into a loop, puts his head through, straightens up, and musses his hair.
He walks back into the bar.
"Yo! Barkeep! How about a beer down here?"
The barkeep walks down to the end of the bar and says quietly, through clenched teeth, "Aren't you the string that just came in here and I told to get out?"
The string says, "I'm a frayed knot."
One of my favorites, pdog.
A mushroom is sitting at a bar next to a hot chick.
He turns to her and asks her out.
"I don't date mushrooms!" She replies.
"Give me a chance, I'm really a fun guy!"
really low...
Did you hear about corduroy pillows?
They're making head lines.
The girls refused to take their naps yesterday.
I had them arrested for resisting a rest.
Marry not a tennis player, for love means nothing to them.
I wanted to sharpen my wit, so I filed my head to a point.
Now, I'm a pencil-necked geek.
"As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."
An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.
"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.
"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."
"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.
"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".
I was playing baseball the other day, and wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
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