Need quick help. "Was that real?"

And, phew, looks like the poor pilot is the only one killed:


http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=2199928







(there's more story...but that is the key info.)

Oh boomerang, I'm so sorry for the three of you ... I wish I could help somehow, but Sozobe has already posted all I could have come up with, and more. So I'll just send some telepathic vibes of supports.

Hugs,
Thomas

No kids here. But if I did and wanted an answer, and my sister wasn't available, I'd call on Sozobe first.

((((((boomerang))))))

Boomer--

I hope the world makes more sense to you both this morning.

Ok Boomer....sorry fpr my first probably quite incomprehensible post! I was at work and scurrying.



I think most things have been covered by Soz and in the links we provided...but I never can shut up!



Of course play will be one of Mo's ways of processing and dealing with what he has seen.

You said "I don't know how to play plane crash"> you don't need to, just let Mo lead and do his own play, except you need to support and assist him through that.......eg by giving hin Mo empathy and reflection, Mo sized correct facts, and reassurance re your safety and his safety and so on...I think a lot of the resources have covered that?



If he becomes very upset, he needs you to step up more, and help him manage his emotions. Also, if, as time goes on, he just repeats and repeats play about what happened, seemingly with some intensity, and no resolution of feeling, he needs you to step in and help him structure safety and resolution in......



Of course you can show your feelings...just not in a way that would lead Mo to think you are overwhelmed and unable to care for yourself and him...that's why I said about making sure you are ok yourself and are dealing with what you saw ok.

The talk stuff will likely be interesting with your Mo! As may the play stuff.


Where is he at with understanding death?









You know, the thing that is haunting me (I would be devastated if I'd seen it, but I really do think that that's an ok way for a person who knows the risks and loves what they do to die...like the astronauts.....thank heavens the other loss seems to be property, though that's awful enough for those involved...goodness only knows) is that in so many places in the world right now kids are seeing explosions that are not accidents, that are meant to kill, and that may soon kill them and those they love......and apparently no sane adults know how to stop it.





Thank heavens that is not true for you guys and Mo, and that he has you to help him through this.

Shameless self-advertising:

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=2149623#2149623

This is an independent topic dealing with the uses of play.

As an adult, I witnessed a fatal car crash. I relived the moment of impact for many days (maybe even weeks) afterword. As a matter of fact, there is a makeshift monument at the spot that I pass everyday. Another grim reminder. I needed to process this experience and as an adult, I did it either silently or by telling my friends and family about it.

Kids haven't learned how to process any other way that reenacting the event. Adults have words for these things (usually.) Kids don't. I would help him find the words to express how this crash impacted him.

When Mo was very small we used to sit down with the newspaper and learn new words - apple, banana, chair, baby, soldier. Back then there was always a soldier on the front page.

Mo likes soldiers. My brother is a soldier and Mo adores him. We spent a big part of yesterday talking to and looking at soldiers. Soldiers seem to be comint into play today. Perhaps I can set up a time for my brother to call.....

Safety is one of the first things and one of the continuing things to come up.

At the show we were pointing out places we knew "there's Mt. Hood", "that's our house about right over there". When the plane crashed Mo thought it had hit our house. It actually crashed a few miles from our house.

So are we safe and is our house safe and is it okay to go to sleep keep coming up.

Last night Mo dug through his toy box to recover a blue plane (the plane that crashed was blue) and a fighter jet. He's the "old jet" and I'm the "fire jet".

The planes were the first thing he went for this morning.

He keeps tacking on happy endings which I'm not sure if that's good or if that's bad.

I'm still feeling a little shakey and playing planes is very draining so excuse my rambling.

Thank you all for your help and support. It really does help.

I'd say good -- that he's processing it in such a way that things will be fine in the end. That your house is safe, that he can sleep, etc.

Shakiness is understandable. Take care.

He'll have to face the reality that there was no happy ending for the pilot sooner or later....but ther eWAS a happy ending in that nobody else was killed etc.

What sort of endings is he tacking on?


What's the "old jet" and the "fire jet"?


Boy, I'd be bloody shaky!

Boomer--

Yeats might help you:



I'm in the Pro-Happy Endings lobby. Mo can't change what happened, but he can choose a happy ending for Old Jet and Fire Jet. Planes and pilots and Thomas the Tank all tangle in his fuzzy head, but he chooses happy endings.

He didn't know the pilot, but he's reassuring himself that his family is intact.

Hold your dominion.

My knowledge and appreciation of poetry is lacking but that poem ressonates beyond just what happened. Thank you, Noddy.

Mo's first swim class was today. I would have done anything to change the day but I stuck with it and off we went. It did serve a good purpose -- it focused his "drama" on me.

This morning he insisted that he was never going back. By this evening he has mellowed to giving it another try. You don't live in Waterworld without providing your child the skills to live there. Fifteen drowinings in as many days.....

The "old jet" is the blue jet - the jet that crashed. The "fire jet" is the rescue jet that puts out the fire. An assortment of Matchbox cars provides the audience to the adventure.

The happy endings are:

The smoke and fire were from a volcano, not the plane (this might be a Pacific Northwest idea).

That only the nose of the plane caught on fire and then it was able to fly away (and take the audience to the movie theater).

That the pilot was okay (this is the one I have a hard time with).

The FAA has reopened the airspace so most of the planes have been leaving today. Seeing the fly off hasn't seemed to bother him and I think that is a good sign.

The neighborhood is up in arms about "End The Airshow" because the plane crashed so close to our neighborhood. This isn't helping.

I'm going to start ferreting out the "fly to Texas" idea within the next few days.

I need to ferret it out with myself too but I've flown a lot and I have been in a few bad situations and it hasn't stopped me yet.

Plus, I sent a link to my website to the Texas branch and they have forwarded it around a bit and I have four potential photo jobs lined up if I go. That would pay for our trip, pad my portfolio, and be just kind of cool.

Mo has abstained from all of his favorite foods today. Right now he is clamoring for yet another banana. This will be his fourth.

In the time it took me to type those three sentences, he asked for another.

What is up with the frikken bananas?

Boomer--

So he's still acting out a bit?

This means that he feels safe being your brat.

You might have to ask Mr. B. for backup, but between the two of you the jet plane would miss your house and Mo would be safe. He understands this.

Don't bananas have some of the same nice feelgood stuff that is in chocolate? I am sure they do. Perhaps your wise child is stoking up on happy drug!


Sounds like he knows the pilot died and is just playing out his denial......

'Tis up to you, but when kids do that in therapy, I'd normally just occasionally comment about how they really wish the pilot had been ok or somesuch.

Regarding the pilot, I will say that most pilots I know fly because they love to do so, and they are all aware of the risk involved in flying small planes.

It sounds as if the pilot did the right thing. His duty was to stay with the airplane until it did not endanger anyone, and only then eject.

Would this be a good point to make to Mo at the right occasion? It might help if he learns that there are strangers out there who are responsible, who risk their life so that Mo and his house are safe. Granted, normally this probably wouldn't be a lesson for five-year olds. But he has witnessed seen a very not-for-five-year-olds incident already, and he's anxious about it already. Telling him about the pilot's decision may at least give Mo some trust in his fellow humans back.

Lots of "might"s there because I'm not sure, but instinctively it feels like a good idea to me.

I think it is a great idea if Mo begins to worry a lot about safety, and indicates he is aware the pilot died, and is sad.

Still dumb... but bananas are good in every way there is. Get more.

Who knew bananas were such powerful medicine?

I will try to work in the pilot and how he reacted if it comes up organically.

Mo has heard some discussion of how the very same pilot flew a different plane into a different house years ago - and walked away - so right now I'm avoiding bringing the pilot up unless he does.

Today we seemed to have moved on to more generic issues of saftey, like what to do if a bear attacks you. Mo, a menagerie of stuffed animals, and I have been practicing the stop and drop and be still method of bear evasion all morning should it come in handy as we scooter off to swim lessons.

Though I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, this has been a very enlightening experience.

Thank you all again for your help.

Small world.

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