Need quick help. "Was that real?"

The Shuttle Disaster

We on the staff of the CSC are shocked and saddened by the tragedy on the space shuttle Challenger. Many of our young children have ben especially interested in space ships and astronauts, and undoubtedly, we - like adults - are frightened and bewildered by this event. We thought it might be useful to tell you how we expect to answer children's questions and help them deal with their fears.

* Wait for children to ask questions and then answer them honestly and briefly. Remember that they can absorb only simple and concrete information. Try to listen carefully to what they are really asking.

* Explain that accidents almost never happen. Many, many space ship launchings, trips, and landings have been successful. Scientists don't yet know why this terrible accident happened.

* When these rare accidents do happen, people - even grown-ups - feel sad. (Parents are sad, teachers are sad, children are sad, etc.)

* Some children may know that a mother/father/teacher died in the accident. Those children need reassurance that their own mothers/fathers/teachers are fine and will continue to take care of them, will continue to keep them safe.

* If any children have watched television since the accident, they may have seen previous films of some of the astronauts. This might reinforce typical preschool confusion about the reversibility of death. It helps for adults to explain that death is final, that the dead do not come back, that when people die, their bodies are no longer working.

* Some children may wonder about Christa McAuliffe's children. Our kids need to know that the McAuliffes will be well cared for be their father, their grandparents, relatives, friends, etc. They will be sad and will grieve, but will, of course, resume school and work and play. (In other words, life goes on.)

* Some children might need to have adults emphasize that space shuttles and rocket ships are very different from airplanes and other forms of transportation. For instance, an adult might say, "Some people think that airplanes and rocket ships are the same. But they really are very different..."

* Some children may want to spend a lot of time building space ships and playing astronauts. Adults might say, "It's no wonder you are building that space ship. You've been thinking a lot about space ships lately..."

We hope that these suggestions help. Obviously, we haven't covered every possible question your child might ask. We'd be interested in any hints you have for us, as well as feedback from you about your child's major concerns. Good luck.

Points to Remember at Stressful Times

1. Everyone regresses at times of stress.

2. Dominant personality traits often become exaggerated at times of stress.

3. Young children are reactive to the emotional turmoil of stressful times even when they cannot intellectually understand teh reason for the stress.

4. Young children need frequent reassurance they themselves are OK and that they are being taken care of by responsible adults who know and love them.

5. When traumatic things have happened to young children they feel that all of life is out of control. Therefore, children may forget, ignore, or intellectually defy rules, family customs, or personal safety concerns. In part this is an effort to redefine the boundaries of their existence. They are dependent upon adults to gently but firmly restate those boundaries. Restating or reaffirming limits and boundaries is essential to the process of regaining a sense of normalcy and personal control over one's life. Remember that routine is comforting.

Scripts For Stressful Times

1. "It's no wonder you're playing (thinking, etc.) that ... " (for example - " ... that your building an airport, because your mommy went to California on an airplane.")

2. "Sometimes children think that when such and such has happened then ... " (for example - " ... that when their babysitter leaves it's because they have done something wrong.")

3. "It must be difficult when ... " (neutral statement offering child opportunity to express own feelings, for example - " ... when daddy has hurt his back and can't play with you.")

4. "Just because such and such happened, it doesn't mean that (the rules, our family, my love for you, etc.) has changed." (for example - "Just because our family has moved and all these boxes are around ... " or "Just because we just had a new baby in the family ...")

5. "It can be (sad, frustrating, scary, etc.) when such and such happens." (for example - "It can be scary when the electricity goes off.")

Children often express thoughts and worries through their play. Listen and watch. You may want to gently join in and help your child work through the scary parts.