the friends with benefits thing

You should tell your friend that the idea makes you nervous. If someone truly likes and respects you, they won't force you to do what you are not comfortable doing. "Friends with benefits" is an idea, and a fad--it is not something anyone has to decide to do.

Stick with what is comfortable for you. If anyone objects, they have just proven that they aren't a true friend, and are being selfish.

Lilduckies--

He wants benefits and you're nervous about the situation? This sounds a little one-sided to me.

Setanta makes an excellent point on the nature of friendship. Friends don't put each other in queasy-making situations.

"Benefits" inside or outside of marriage are--or should be--only a small part of the time the two lovers spend together. Why don't you and this guy explore each other as people without complicating a good friendship with sex at a young age.

By the by, does your not-ready-to-be-a-boyfriend have plans for contraception? Even if he does, do you? You're the one who will get pregnant.

You are 13 years old. You are still a child. How old is this boy who wants the benefits?

The fact that you are nervous could very well mean that you are afraid. Take your time, you have a lot of time to grow up without the pressure that you seem to be under. Don't do anything that you feel is not right.

When I was 15, I had a 13 year old gf that wanted more benefits than I could provide!

At 13 you should be thinking about makeup, high school and shopping.

Not whether or not you should have a friend with benefits. And who's to say it would be a benefit anyway? Sex at that young of an age can be quite a liability, especially if you get pregnant.

Welcome to a2k.

Listen to the answers given here - I can assure you that these are good people who are considering your best interests...maybe your "friend" is not so much interested in you as interested in the experience of the "benefits".

Don't do anything you don't want to do. There has been a long fight for a woman's right to say "No" - make the most of the efforts of women who have come before you and when you say No, mean it.

The time will come when you find a situation in which you feel attracted to a boy (or maybe a girl) in that way...don't do do something you'll regret.

KP

I dunno guys, one part of her post is kind of being glossed over:



If SHE really wants to...

Duckie, can you define "friends with benefits"? I think most people here are defining it as "sex", and from this:



I wonder if you're thinking more about making out, that kind of thing. Your definition makes a difference to me in advising what you should/ shouldn't do...

All very good advice.

Kissing at 13!!!!!My God I was a late starter.
Please dont even think about having sex til you are much older,Enjoy being a kid!!Youve got a very long time in your adulthood to have sex in.


I hope yuo BOTH agreed to this benefits thing.
Being the pessimist that I am it sounds like a perfect situation for this guy to get what he wants from you but to not deal with any 'negative' situations that may develop afterwards.

Do what yuo want to do, not what he bullys you into.
And dont fall for the 'if you like me youd do X and X' rubbish that guys say.

Alright. I dont know how old some of these people are. Im 14 and dont worry, I can help. I've been through this a few times. If you really want to then go for it. If you really are as nervous as you say you are then maybe you need to rethink. It seems a little like you dont want to. The first time I kissed I was really nervous but I went for it. Dont think about how you are doing or what the other person might be thinking. If it really is all that terrible then you dont have to do it again. Or if you try it once and you dont like it then you can always talk to your friend. If he really does like you, he will respect what you think. Sometimes the choices of life are harder than they seem from afar. maybe you will both end up feeling the same way. Or maybe talk to your guy before you try anything. Get his take on the situation. It will let him know you care about how he feels too!!!! The friends with benefits thing is hard to keep going too. One thing you cant be mad about is if he finds a gf. It was your choice to just be friends.

Wise words for 14!

If you're talking about kissing - follow this advice.

If it's a bit of "fooling around" and getting to know each other's bodies, that's OK too - boys and girls are naturally curious about the differences in both physical and mental makeup between the sexes.

I think this is as far as you are currently thinking of going and would advise you to stick with this until you are older and more knowledgeable about feelings and others' reactions (not to mention legally entitled to make those decisions!). Penetrative sex is not something to be taken casually by teenagers - you don't want to be another statistic, do you?

35 year old KP!