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Crazy In-Laws....post ur funny stories here

 
 
Reply Tue 4 Jul, 2006 12:39 pm
Sometimes you need a good laugh so I figured that anyone who had funny stories about their In-Laws could post them here...

I'll start....There's a "dark" side to this story but hummmm, I don't know, it's kind of funny anyway.

I live in a country where it's very affordable to have live-in maids. My Mother-in-Law has teated me like one of her own despite the fact that I am a "Foreigner." She's pretty cool with everybody....except her maids. You can't really judge her by Western standards so keep that in mind when you read this. She was born in a different time, different place, etc. and her mannerisms can be very strange...

She goes through maids faster than a New York minute. She just can't keep her mouth shut and hands out these amazing insults that would make your hair curl. She's really innovative. Most maids don't last more than a week with her. Either she throws them out of they get fed up and hit the curb. Instead of taking the time to learn the names of each new maid, most of us privately refer to them as "1 week" or "3 days" or "2 hours" whichever amount of time we think they will last.

One maid managed to out-do them all by staying a whopping 18 years. She's earned the respect of "Mama" and is now treated like a daughter. She paid her dues and must have masochistic tendencies. There's never been another like her, but one came close...sort of.

A few years ago Mama hired a maid whos front row of teeth stuck out at a 45 degree angle. "Buck toothed" didn't even come close to describing Nora. It was physically impossible for her to close her mouth. Not only did they stick out but they were also very gapped. No doubt they were a source of ridicule while she was growing up. At the time Mama hired her, she was already well in to her late 40's. She was a nice lady and seemed to be able to put up with Mama's tantrums and insults. She was good at acting deaf so I guess she discovered the secret of lasting at Chez-Mama.

About 2 years passed and Mama asked Nora if she wanted to have her teeth fixed. Nora of course said yes. I don't know but evidentally braces were ruled out maybe because of her age, so Nora ended up with a shiny set of dentures; top and bottom.

Well, the dentures made a HUGE difference. Nora's face was completely transformed. She had to have a new passport issued because she didn't look like the same person in the photograph.

She started to take better care of her appearance and frequently stared at herself in mirrors, etc. (I would have too) The change was dramatic. She started getting a little vain and became flirtatious with the men who kept the garden. She certainly deserved to enjoy her "New Look" and suddenly, quiet little Nora was turning in to a "Femme Fatal."

Love was in the air at Chez-Mama......But that's another story.

Nora's outward appearance changed and so did her tolerance of Mama. One for the best, the latter for the worst.

One day, about 3 months after Nora's transformation, I walked in on one hell of a fight. Mama was at her best that day and giving it all she had. Nora was at the defence and holding steady ground. It was sight to behold. Mama's face was beet-red and Nora's teeth where flashing white through the sneers. History was taking place because I had never seen someone taking on Mama with such furosity. I made sure not to let the door hit me on the @ss on my way out; I made an about-face and took off.

About a week passed and I figured I'd pay Mama another visit. I really hadn't thought much about either of them. I knocked on the door and heard Nora running to answer just like normal. But instead of being greeted with a smile....It was gum-city.

I was expecting to hear "Hello Madame, nice to see you." but it was something along the lines of "Thelloo Matham, thice thoo theee youuu."

Nora's dentures had been confiscated.

She didn't seem all that upset about it. Don't ask me why because I would have been pissed off. But I guess that's just cool Nora.

Okaaaayyy I'm thinking..Let me not say a word so I went upstairs to see Mama. She has this chair that she sits on. It's "her" chair and she keeps her phone book and a bunch of other stuff close at hand on a small table. I never paid attention to what she had because the table was always messy and it's just one of those things I'm not particularly interested in taking a mental inventory of.

Well, you can probably guess by now where Nora's dentures ended up...In the middle of Mama's messy table there was an empty jar and sitting on the bottom, stacked one over the other, were Nora's dentures.

From then on it was pretty easy to tell when Nora was on good terms with Mama or bad.

It was either "Hello Madame, nice to see you" or "Thelloo Matham, thice thoo theee youuu."
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 971 • Replies: 17
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Jul, 2006 08:43 pm
Where in the world are you from?
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Moononice
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 06:10 am
I'm from the US but I lived in several countries. Currently I'm in the Mid-east and life can sometimes be truly bizzare.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 06:19 am
oh...you seem to have acclimated to their customs well.

I can't see want's funny about an employer taking an employees dentures and forbidding her to wear them depending on their mood.
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Moononice
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 07:56 am
I don't know how to answer that. I don't approve of it. This is what goes on in her house not mine. Nora can walk out the door at any time yet she doesn't even though she could easily get hired elswhere. One day the two of them are out shopping like school-girls, the next day they are at eachother's throats. The whole situation is so unreal that yes, sorry but I do see a "twisted" comical side because it's just so incredibly bizzare.

Reading what I posted again, yeah, I can see where you're coming from. I've lived in a lot of strange places and sometimes what's "normal" (for lack of a better word) for them is simply INSANE for us.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 08:28 am
humiliated is more the word I'm thinking.

taking away someone teeth is one of the most degrading things I can think of....it impairs their eating, speech, appearance and self-esteem.

certainly humor doesn't enter into any of that.


does your MIL forbid her to use the bathroom or bathe or anything else hysterically funny?

She sounds like a laugh a minute.

IMO this thread should be renamed - Incrediably abusive domineering spoiled in-law storys.

but, that's just me.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 09:47 am
Well, it is a kind of black humor. Also, funny in the sense of peculiar. I thought it was a true tale well told.

Thinking about my ex mother in law... she was in my view perfectly berserk, but rather brave in her way. With her death now a couple of decades passed, I am tending to remember the little or big brave parts over the mustard in the jello salad stories.
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makemeshiver33
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 10:05 am
Quote:
I don't know how to answer that. I don't approve of it. This is what goes on in her house not mine. Nora can walk out the door at any time yet she doesn't even though she could easily get hired elswhere. One day the two of them are out shopping like school-girls, the next day they are at eachother's throats. The whole situation is so unreal that yes, sorry but I do see a "twisted" comical side because it's just so incredibly bizzare.



Moononice, Nice to meet you. I have a tendacy to be a little warped, so I see the humor in the story....lol


MIL needs some serious therapy though...lol
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material girl
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 10:10 am
If i was physically strong enough I would have punched Mamas teeth out and see how she liked it!
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makemeshiver33
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 10:26 am
I got one for ya...lol


About 4 years ago, I was sunbathing in the front yard. When I mention front yard, I live on 7 1/2 acres, its private, woods all the way around, one drive in, no neighbors within ear-shot or eye-sight, and they can't see through the woods...its not open. (PRIVATE)

So........I told my husband what I was going to do and he was keeping the boys in the house for an hour or so, ...where I could get some sun without any interruptions.....

AND.......

I had a privacy screen at the time that blocked the sight of me from the house or the direction of the driveway off, so I was safe...from being caught, or so I thought.

What little did I know but the oldest one slipped out of the house and went down the driveway behind me to his Nanny's house, who at the time had company...(which I didn't know)...So he proceeds to head down there to tell them that...

"MY MOMMA is NAKED in the YARD!!!"

Not only did this stir up a Fred Sanford Heart attack rendition from my MIL, but she screamed at my FIL ..."GENE...go do something about your DIL!!!" Who absolutely refused to take care of it...lol They instead send my SIL... Shocked

I heard her driving up my driveway and slipped my suit back on...and kept lying there.

She got out and come around the blind to see what I was doing!!!!!!!

I asked her.."What the hell are you doing?"

"I just come to see whats going on?"

"Uhumm..what? You decide to come out of the closet?"

Thats when she told me that what my oldest had said..and what was going on with MIL, I just laughed...kicked back and took another drink of my margarita...lol


Now, in all honesty, that pissed me off to no end, thats my house, my land, and my privacy that was invaded, and I didn't appreciate it one bit.

Sending someone up to check on me?? Shocked
0 Replies
 
Moononice
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 02:19 pm
Tea: Ummmmm OK, point(s) well taken.

Material girl: I'm sure getting in to a cat fight has crossed Nora's mind on several occassions. Why she still stays there is beyond me. No way I could that's for sure.

Ossobuco: It's definitely dark, no doubt about it..."Peculiar," good choice of words there. "mustard in Jello salads? Do tell!

MMShiver:

>>>"Uhumm..what? You decide to come out of the closet?"<<<< LOLOLOLO that's funny! What happened after SIL left? Did you go back to wearing your birthday suit?


One more....

I was eating at Mama's house and she handed me a plate and told me "Try this!" So I asked what it was and before she could answer, one of my BIL's told me it was liver.... After I ate it everybody started laughing and then someone told me the truth. Yeah, it was liver allright...only about 10% of it...the rest was GOAT BALLS! Shocked

I just about had a fit. THANK YOU! but no seconds for me.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 03:24 pm
Now actually, THAT's pretty funny Cool



they tricked you into eating goat nads.

http://img1.travelblog.org/Photos/5964/44260/t/235787-These-are-Goats-Testicles-0.jpg

farmerman and I were discussing goat musk glands last night. I'm sure he'd be interested in this.
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Moononice
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 04:53 pm
Tea: Glad you found that funny UGH! I was the butt of everyone's jokes for a while. "So Moon, you like your balls medium or well done."

I opened a small window in to the "World of Mama." Before I go to sleep I thought of a few more things I figure I owe her to mention.

Her father married her off when she was 13 to a man 12 years her senior. When she moved in with him, she had her suitcase and her baby-doll. They were married over 50 years until he passed away a few years ago and during that time she fell completely in love with him. He adored her as well.

Her first son was born when she was 14. In total she's had 12 children, five of which she miscarried in her home, no doctors around. So she has 7 boys remaining. She raised them by herself without nannies. (there's some good stories there by the way, Mama can kick some serious @ss) They couldn't afford help back then but she had her family close by so she did get some relief.

They lived meagerly but well. Together they put their 7 boys through university in Europe and in the US. All of them are professionals. None gamble, drink, "swing" or do anything else even remotely close. As of today she has 38 grandchildren and is supporting 4 other families run by single mothers.

Does she FLIP OUT yeah, you bet! But ummmm, raising SEVEN BOYS....

Anyway, she definitely has some really strange ways, but looking at the big picture, Mama has her moments.

So if you would be so kind and try not to rip my face off again (damn girl!) I'll post some more crazy sh*t.
0 Replies
 
Moononice
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 04:55 pm
What's the deal with words in my posts being underlined???? How can I fix this it's really annoying.

Thnx
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 05:21 pm
That's something we have accomodated to, by and large, Moononice. This site is the brainchild of one fellow, Craven de Kere, who has put untold hours and money into it on his own, beginning when he had extremely spare money himself. There are many who help with with a lot of effort, but at some point the place needed to bring in some money. Those underlined words are part of that.
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makemeshiver33
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 10:35 pm
Quote:
MMShiver:

>>>"Uhumm..what? You decide to come out of the closet?"<<<< LOLOLOLO that's funny! What happened after SIL left? Did you go back to wearing your birthday suit?



Yea...she left, and yea...I went back to my nakedness...MIL wouldn't talk to me for a few days after that. What sweet peace and quiet! You can imagine that I was the scrouge of the earth from her point of view... for being naked outside! LOL
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Moononice
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Jul, 2006 02:57 am
Ossobuco: Wow, that's pretty amazing. I'm new here so I had no idea that this site started with one person. It's very nice what he's done for people isn't it?I just thought that maybe the underlined words were something that I did, or failed to do.

Shiver: Yes, she must have thought you were getting closer to the "Mother Earth" side of your personality no doubt, and wanted no part of it. Good story there.
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Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jul, 2006 10:04 pm
Well, I have one, but it's certainly not in the same ballpark as moon's...

My MIL is 81. I love her dearly. She is still living on her own and seems much younger, but she does have 2 hearing aids Smile I smile because of her "conversations", and this is about one of them...

She flew out to visit us one time and it happened that another son, J, was visiting, too. Over breakfast one morning, she said, "So, what's a blow dry?" Seeing as this came out of the blue, we all looked at each other rather curiously, and asked what she was talking about. Apparently, there were two women seated in front of her on the plane and they were having this conversation about their love lives. She heard bits and pieces and understood most of it... however, they kept mentioning "blow dry" to the point where MIL was wondering what it was all about. At that point, J and Hubby went red, choked, and left the room (laughing, I'm sure)... I was left to explain it wasn't a blow "dry" Smile

She just laughed and said, "Oh, THAT!" lol
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