He doesn't feel confortable around children. Meaning ?

Im the youngest of 2 kids.I didnt grow up around babies and the kids I played with were mainly older.
I have to say that I was not comfortable around kids.I didnt know how to talk to them, or things like, if they hugged me do I hug them back? etc
A friend had a kid 8 years ago and she is my favouritest person in the world.
Basically seeing her on a regular basis has made me see what kids are like and how they act, what interests they have, what upsets them, what makes them laugh etc

I dont think its anything to worry about.
He just may not have had any contact with them since he became an adult.
The fact that he says he wants kids is a good sign.

Thank u
Hi. Thanks for your advice

Hi mangotango.

Does this guy have relatives or friends with children? In other words, has he had much exposure to children since he was a child himself?

Hi
No. I don't think he has had much exposure to children since he has become an adult. But neither have I yet I don't feel unconfortale around kids. Shouldn't this come naturally to people? I mean he said that he likes dogs cause they were less confusing to him than kids? He said that when he was 7 he had a little brother and that they never really got along. I mean maybe he doesn't like kids cause he didn't like his brother...i am confused. But I want to ask him questions that would clarify wether he could be an involved hands-on dad. What can I ask that would not sound too upfront because we only have been dating for 5 months, but this is definitly something that I want to clarify

MangoTango--

Welcome to A2K.

I'd say that admitting that he doesn't understand children is a very good sign.

I've read all too many stories of Know It All Studs who have abused newborns because they wouldn't stop crying and beaten year old babies who weren't toilet trained yet.

This guy is upfront with his ignorance.

huh, from what this guy was saying, you could've been next to me...and I'm a female.

Word from the wise....just because he made the comment of "I'll wait until I have my own" does NOT mean he wants children...don't read into that. That's the kind of thing I would say when I was thirty just to move the conversation along...because saying you didn't want kids would open up this whole 'nother can of beans maybe he didn't feel like ruining the entire sunny day at the park over.

You've been dating the guy 5 months....That's long enough to ask him what his desires, intentions are regarding kids.

If having children is important to you...ask him straight out. And if the answer is I don't want any...believe him.

My ex-husband was uncomfortable around kids, but talked about having his own one day. As he spent more time around his neices and nephews he came to realise that he really didn't want to be a parent, which was fine with me in that relationship.

If having children is important to you and you are both 30, then I wouldn't take anything on faith. I agree with Chai, let him know that having children someday is important to you and see what he says.

Being around children, and being comfortable around them, is not something that comes natural to everyone.

You definetly need clarification if you want children in the future. At 5 months, it's perfectly okay to ask straight out and make your intentions known.

Better to know now than later. Go for it.

People do change, and people don't change, and probably somewhere in between. Some do, some don't. Some are just unfamiliar by virtue of their experience but might make fine parents, and some really don't want to go there for a range of reasons. On those who change, we have my friend David who in his fifties is exhilarating, not just for a moment, but for several years now, in having children when he was firm in another marriage to a friend of mine on not wanting them. Those who don't want them should be understood and not nagged at, by and large. But, if you know you are interested in having children, then opening this door for a view is a good idea.

Sometimes only children are not raised much around other children and grow up interested in various subjects and get a lot of their sustenance from those subjects. Well, not to close out non-only children, it can happen there too. But that mind set, fairly non social generally - not that they are not social, though sometimes, but that they don't derive their primary pleasure from social situations - may open up to the larger familial scene. Or, of course, not open up.

I am not thinking this is anything you an get him to talk out in ten minutes. More, a room to explore.

This is all very true osso....

or, she might ask him and he might say "Honestly, I don't want kids"

I don't think it would be fair to him, after stating something like that, for another person to stay around, in the hopes that he will change his feelings.

If, let's just say for arguments sake, he says that...if she feels that deeply toward him (which she hasn't indicated), she could stay in the vicinity, keeping an eye out for the day he might change his mind, or take him for his word.

I'm thinking....what if the situation was reversed?

What if I didn't want kids, and a man I'd been seeing for 5 months looked at some kids in the park and said "Boy, I can't wait to have one of my own."

I'm I going to hand around in hopes that one day he will "change his mind" and decide he didn't want kids? No, because that wouldn't at all be fair to him. That's like an atheist waiting around until his girlfriend gave up and admitted there's no God.

First things first, she needs to find out if his remark of "someday" was one of those things he felt he was supposed to say.

Then, she needs to respect that whatever answer he gives her reflects his true wishes, and isn't something she can "wait out" or change.


I'm not trying to be ornery, just realistic. They say more relationships break up over money than anything else....I can see that as true...However that's not accounting for the individual, that can put up with poverty, illness and much more, but is stifled in his/her need to either have or not have children.



If I sound off, forgive me. It's just that I've had more than my share of people who just "knew" I'd change my mind..

Funny...I had this one guy I went out on exactly one date with. Sometime early in the evening he told me how "motherly" I looked. I remember looking at him, laughing and saying "brother, you couldn't be more wrong"...he spent the rest of the night trying to convince me how much I really wanted a child.

I'm not disagreeing with you, Chai. Yes, he could say no right away and mean it, and it would be right to respect that. Whether he opens up and talks about it... maybe he is tuned in to himself enough to respond immediately. People don't always let go with their heart and soul on the basis of a short inquiry.

I guess I'd not try to do it in any kind of curt interview format!