1
   

need advice on a guy scenario

 
 
playon
 
Reply Mon 26 Jun, 2006 11:32 am
ya''ll probably already think i'm crazy...but here's another situation

so i went out friday night for some drinks with some friends. My cousins boyfriend was there with a guy who i thought was cute. We ended up talking and did so for the rest of night. It was obviously towards the end that we were interested in each other. At one point his friend was drunk, so was my cousin so he asked me if i wanted to go somewhere else. I was a little hesitant, but agreed. We walked around a bit, then he asked me if i'd like to go on a date sometime. I said i would.

He had taken a cab into the city so i offered to drive him home. There were a lot of detours in the city getting home and i really had to go to the bathroom and needed gas. We stopped at a gas station, i went, he filled my car up with a full tank which i thought was really nice.

So i drove him to his place with really no intentions of what was going to happen. I went in, we watched some tv, then ended up making out on the couch. He asked if i wanted to stay, it was 2am, i said i should leave. But i really wanted to stay...so i did. We slept in his bed but all we did was make out...there was no touching below the waist on either of us, i slept fully clothed. We talked a lot, we woke up at 8am this morning, talked in bed for about 3 hours, he was asking questions about my last relationships, just a lot about myself which seemed sincere. Then we got up ate breakfast, sat on the couch, made out more.

THings started to get tricky when he picked up my phone, called his phone, then said, there you have my #, now you have to call. I jokingly said i didnt want to be the one to call, he said, why not, are you not interested in seeing me again, i said i was, but would rather he call. He didnt see what the big deal was about me just calling. He then called my phone, left a voicemail saying, that he had called me, now i needed to call back...am i being weird about this? I figured, oh whatever i'll just call him, if he didnt want to speak to me again, i suppose he wouldnt have made any comments about phone #'s, putting my # in his phone, etc. He made several comments throughout the day about how he wanted to go out again, thought we'd hit it off, etc. I felt pretty good about things. I left at about 2pm and figured i'd call him monday or tuesday this week

So i wake up on sunday morning and see that he had texted me, it said, so you were too good to come over last night? I thought it was odd...i wrote back about 4 hours later and said, should i have just shown up at your door? He wrote back, well at least called, i wrote back something like, well i figured youd had enuf of me for one day (haha) plus you said you were going out with friends. I didnt hear back from him and i started to overanalyze. Did he think i was rude for not calling? so i called him last night. First i got his VM, left a message, then he called back (i was on the other line) so he left me a message, then i called him, and got him. We talked for about a half hour, seemed fine, a few moments of silence, but nothing really awkward. He finally said he was goign to get back to his reading, i felt relieved because i was ready to get off the phone too. But he said nothing about going out this week, nothing like, ok well i'll give you a call this week, just have a good day tomorrow.

I'm confused. Is he interested? to me an interested party would have asked me out especially since i made the call. I know it was only sunday, maybe he had no clue what he was doing this week? at one point he asked what i had planned for the week, anything going on in the evenings, i said nothing, then stupidly said that i dont really go out much during the week. UGH. But dont you think if were for 'real' after his talk on saturday about wanting to out again, he would have last night just asked me out or at least said, he'd call me this week??
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 626 • Replies: 11
No top replies

 
Synonymph
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jun, 2006 11:50 am
sic transit gloria mundi
0 Replies
 
FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jun, 2006 12:01 pm
Here's an idea. Why don't you call him up and say, "are you interested in going out with me?" Just get all this overwith.
0 Replies
 
playon
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jun, 2006 12:10 pm
re
well i already did call last night...i really wished he would have said, i'll call you this week, or we should get together this week...i didnt want to want to seem to forward in calling and asking him out.
0 Replies
 
FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jun, 2006 12:17 pm
Too forward? If you spent the night with him, and you called him, you might as well ask him out.

Look, I'll just come out with it. You're easy. That's not necessarily bad if you're easy because you know what you want and you go for it. You don't. What you do is very passive aggressive. "I should go." But you don't. "I have no intention of staying." But you do. If you didn't want to seem too forward, you should have dropped him off at his house with your phone number in hand. Instead you slipped into easy intimacy (doesn't matter if you didn't actually do the deed) that is now difficult to back out of. You have two choices at this point. Accept how you began, take control of yourself, and move forward by asking him out and getting to know him. Or let this one die a quick and easy death with no texting or calling or voice messages or overanalyzing every single goddamn word. Please, for the love of God, quit waiting for men to call you.
0 Replies
 
playon
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jun, 2006 12:28 pm
re
well i'm not going to call him. I already did. To me he's not worth it if he cant make the next move.
0 Replies
 
FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jun, 2006 12:35 pm
Option number 2, excellent. So when he does call or text, tomorrow, what are you going to tell him?
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jun, 2006 01:20 pm
FreeDuck wrote:
Too forward? If you spent the night with him, and you called him, you might as well ask him out.

Look, I'll just come out with it. You're easy. That's not necessarily bad if you're easy because you know what you want and you go for it. You don't. What you do is very passive aggressive. "I should go." But you don't. "I have no intention of staying." But you do. If you didn't want to seem too forward, you should have dropped him off at his house with your phone number in hand. Instead you slipped into easy intimacy (doesn't matter if you didn't actually do the deed) that is now difficult to back out of. You have two choices at this point. Accept how you began, take control of yourself, and move forward by asking him out and getting to know him. Or let this one die a quick and easy death with no texting or calling or voice messages or overanalyzing every single goddamn word. Please, for the love of God, quit waiting for men to call you.


Playon, please, read that post about 500 times or until it starts to sink in, whichever comes first.
0 Replies
 
flushd
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jun, 2006 07:24 pm
You need to find something to do with yourself.

All you talk about is men. There's more to life than men!
And I LOVE men.

Seriously. Get a grip. There comes a time when you are going to need to see that this is nothing more than what kids call 'boy crazy'. The time is NOW.

You've posted tonnes here, and we know nothing of you as a person. Your life seems to revolve around the drama of boy-girl games.

And, yes, Freeduck is spot on. That must be a real pain in the ass for your female friends, too. Never knowing if you're gonna end up in a ditch one day or have your tires slashed or what. Having to listen to you tell stories about how you have suffered so deeply.....bc you're acting like a child.

Sorry...but this is just stupid. You are lucky nothing truly harmful has come to you.
0 Replies
 
nimh
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Jun, 2006 09:09 pm
playon wrote:
i didnt want to want to seem to forward in calling and asking him out.

From what you wrote up here there's noooo reason to be afraid he might think you're too forward.

Think about this whole calling / phones thing he did the morning you woke up. He wants you to call him (or he wants you to call him). For whatever reason. Some guys dont like to always have to be the one to make a move. Perhaps he's got some reason, some previous experience that makes him act like this, who knows what, I dont. But the thing is that, from how you tell it, he has no problem with you calling and asking him out, and no problem with you being "forward".

Question is, do you? You seem to feel that, really, it should be him to approach you. OK, well, it looks like thats not gonna happen. Like he's not the type. So far, he's not minded you calling and making a move - in fact, he got all insulted when you didnt* - but hes not too proactive himself. Doesnt necessarily need to mean anything xcept that he's not the proactive type. If thats OK with you, by all means, call him already and ask him out, he'll be happy, you'll be happy, this stupid phase of waiting by the phone'll be over. If its not OK with you, move on and find someone who will go after you.

From your post, it sounds like he's really interested. However - just a teeny word of caution - he also seems a bit, dunno what it is - possessive, or passive agressive or something - like with feeling insulted (see *) just cause you didnt call him back straight the next day? Dont like his tone ("you were too good to come over last night?") - thats not the kinda tone to strike the day after the first night. Keep an eye on that thing, whatever it is, if you do go on dating him. (And if you want to date him, just call him already. Who the F cares who calls whom first.)
0 Replies
 
kitchenpete
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Jul, 2006 04:10 am
I'll try to follow nimh's point with another male perspective.

You said you shouldn't stay...it was late and convenient that you did...you made out...you didn't let much happen...

He could think that this shows a lack of real interest...that you just used his bed as a free hotel space for the night and aren't really interested...therefore he did the number exchange thing and is looking for you to take a decision and take responsibility for your actions.

This is an unusual play between men and women. Men commonly want to take charge and women commonly want men to take charge (within limits of what they really want to do...and don't start calling me a sexist on this!).

I actually think that he may be asking you an interesting question - are you mature and interested enough not just to be chased but to take responsibility for stating what YOU want and enter into a more open discussion of the potential between you two.

What's your answer?

KP
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Jul, 2006 04:24 am
Alternately, but maybe we are wrong, some of us think this is a long time poster whose anxiety re texting and phoning - not to mention actual minutes of real life - gets in the way of communication. Time will tell.
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » need advice on a guy scenario
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.06 seconds on 05/07/2024 at 03:43:24