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need advice on a guy scenario

 
 
playon
 
Reply Mon 26 Jun, 2006 11:21 am
well you probably think i'm crazy, but here is another situation:

so i went out friday night for some drinks with some friends. My cousins boyfriend was there with a guy who i thought was cute. We ended up talking and did so for the rest of night. It was obviously towards the end that we were interested in each other. At one point his friend was drunk, so was my cousin so he asked me if i wanted to go somewhere else. I was a little hesitant, but agreed. We walked around a bit, then he asked me if i'd like to go on a date sometime. I said i would.

He had taken a cab into the city so i offered to drive him home. There were a lot of detours in the city getting home and i really had to go to the bathroom and needed gas. We stopped at a gas station, i went, he filled my car up with a full tank which i thought was really nice.

So i drove him to his place with really no intentions of what was going to happen. I went in, we watched some tv, then ended up making out on the couch. He asked if i wanted to stay, it was 2am, i said i should leave. But i really wanted to stay...so i did. We slept in his bed but all we did was make out...there was no touching below the waist on either of us, i slept fully clothed. We talked a lot, we woke up at 8am this morning, talked in bed for about 3 hours, he was asking questions about my last relationships, just a lot about myself which seemed sincere. Then we got up ate breakfast, sat on the couch, made out more.

THings started to get tricky when he picked up my phone, called his phone, then said, there you have my #, now you have to call. I jokingly said i didnt want to be the one to call, he said, why not, are you not interested in seeing me again, i said i was, but would rather he call. He didnt see what the big deal was about me just calling. He then called my phone, left a voicemail saying, that he had called me, now i needed to call back...am i being weird about this? I figured, oh whatever i'll just call him, if he didnt want to speak to me again, i suppose he wouldnt have made any comments about phone #'s, putting my # in his phone, etc. He made several comments throughout the day about how he wanted to go out again, thought we'd hit it off, etc. I felt pretty good about things. I left at about 2pm and figured i'd call him monday or tuesday this week

So i wake up on sunday morning and see that he had texted me, it said, so you were too good to come over last night? I thought it was odd...i wrote back about 4 hours later and said, should i have just shown up at your door? He wrote back, well at least called, i wrote back something like, well i figured youd had enuf of me for one day (haha) plus you said you were going out with friends. I didnt hear back from him and i started to overanalyze. Did he think i was rude for not calling? so i called him last night. First i got his VM, left a message, then he called back (i was on the other line) so he left me a message, then i called him, and got him. We talked for about a half hour, seemed fine, a few moments of silence, but nothing really awkward. He finally said he was goign to get back to his reading, i felt relieved because i was ready to get off the phone too. But he said nothing about going out this week, nothing like, ok well i'll give you a call this week, just have a good day tomorrow.

I'm confused. Is he interested? to me an interested party would have asked me out especially since i made the call. I know it was only sunday, maybe he had no clue what he was doing this week? at one point he asked what i had planned for the week, anything going on in the evenings, i said nothing, then stupidly said that i dont really go out much during the week. UGH. But dont you think if were for 'real' after his talk on saturday about wanting to out again, he would have last night just asked me out or at least said, he'd call me this week??
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jespah
 
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Reply Fri 30 Jun, 2006 10:53 am
So, why exactly can't you call and ask him out?

He obviously wants that. If you do, too, make the move, plan the date, call him and get a commitment from him to go out. This is 2006, not 1956, and he'll be thrilled.

If you feel odd about him -- and he has been acting a little weird -- recognize that this comes with the territory when you are overly intimate with someone too soon. Yes, really, even though there was no touching below the waist. You were in the guy's bed. Never mind that there was no penetration and not even any real stripping. You were still in an exceptionally intimate place. This kind of getting overly intimate too quickly -- which you have established, time and again, is your modus operandi -- creates these kinds of situations where the intimacy levels can quickly get mismatched. He joked around with you because he thought he could, he thought you'd get it. But you didn't because you don't have enough shared experiences.

If you want to go out with him, ask him out and be the one to do the pursuing for a change. If you don't, then don't. But tell him you don't want to continue and don't lead him on and make him wonder. You know exactly what that feels like when a guy does that to you. It's unpleasant and unfair and this guy, no matter what he's like, doesn't deserve that sort of treatment now, does he? I think everyone is entitled to the basic courtesy of being told whether there is a chance for things to continue.

And, one more thing, wholly unsolicited -- next time -- insist on going home, no matter what the hour. Call a cab if you have to. Just get your butt out of wherever when things are that new. It's this forced fast intimacy that is dooming these potential relationships. Break this cycle. That much is in your power.
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