TOTAL FU**ING MORONS???

WASHINGTON, June 13 - President Bush appears to be losing support
among a
> key group of voters who had hitherto stood firmly with the president
even
> as his poll numbers among other groups fell dramatically.
>
> A new Gallup poll shows that, for the first time, Bush's approval
rating
> has fallen below 50% among total ******* morons, and now stands at
44%.
> This represents a dramatic drop compared to a poll taken just last
> December, when 62% of total ******* morons expressed support for the
> president and his policies.
>
> The current poll, conducted by phone with 1,409 total ******* morons
> between May 4 and May 8, reveals that only 44% of those polled
believe
> the president is doing a good job, while 27% believe he is doing a
poor
> job and 29% don't understand the question.
>
> The December poll, conducted by phone with 1,530 total *******
morons,
> showed 62% approved of the president, 7% disapproved and 31% didn't
> understand the question.
>
> Faltering approval ratings for the president among a group once
thought
> to be a reliable source of loyal support gives Republicans one more
reason
> to be nervous about the upcoming mid-term elections. "If we can't
depend
> on the support of total ******* morons," says Sen. Rick Santorum
(R-PA),
> "then we've got a big problem. They're a key factor in our electoral
> strategy, and an important part of today's Republican coalition."
>
> "We've taken the total ******* moron vote for granted," says Rep.
Tom
> Feeney (R-FL), "and now we're paying for it. We've let the Democrats
> control the debate lately, and they've dragged discourse back into
the
> realm of complex, nuanced issues. So your average total ******* moron
> turns on his TV and sees his Republican Congressman arguing about
> Constitutional law or the complexities of state formation in the
Middle
> East, and he tunes out. He wants to hear comforting, pandering,
flattering
> bromides and he doesn't want to hear a logical argument more complex
than
> what you'd find on a bumper sticker."
>
> For Feeney, the poll is a dire warning that Republicans can ignore
only
> at their peril. "This should send a signal that we have to regain
control
> of the debate if we want the support of our key constituencies in the
> coming election and beyond. We need to bring public discourse back
into
> the realm of stupidity and vacuity. We should be talking about
homosexual
> illegal immigrants burning flags. We should be talking about the
power of
> pride. We should be talking about freedom fries. These are the issues
that
> resonate with total ******* morons."
>
> But some total ******* morons say it's too late. Bill Snarpel of
Enid,
> Oklahoma is a total ******* moron who voted for Bush in both 2000
and
> 2004. But he says he won't be voting for Bush in 2008. "I don't like
it
> that he was going to sell our ports to the Arabs. If the Arabs own
the
> ports then that means they'll let all the Arabs in and then we'll
all be
> riding camels and wearing towels on our heads. I don't want my
children
> singing the Star Spangled Banner in Muslim."
>
> Total ******* moron Kurt Meyer of Turlock, California also says his
once
> solid support for Bush has collapsed. "He invaded Iraq and all those
> soldiers died, and for what? We destroyed all their WMDs, but now
their
> new president is making fun of us and saying he's going to build
nuclear
> bombs and that we can't stop him. Well, nuclear bombs are even worse
than
> WMDs, so what did we accomplish?"
>
> Laura McDonald, a total ******* moron from Chandler, Arizona, says
she is
> disappointed that the president hasn't been a more forceful advocate
of
> Christian values. "This country was founded on Christian values," she
> says, "but you'd never know it looking around and seeing all the
Mexicans
> running around. I thought Bush was going to bring Jesus back into
the
> government. Instead, Christians are being persecuted worse than ever
> before in history, because all these Mexicans come here and tell
> Christians that we have to respect their religious beliefs. So now
it's
> illegal for children to pray in school. Soon it will be illegal for
them
> to speak English."
>
> Not all total ******* morons have turned their backs on the
president.
> Jeb Larkin of Topeka, Kansas says he still fully supports Bush. "He
is
> doing a great job. He is a great president. He is a great decider. I
have
> a puppy. His tail sticks straight up and you can see his butthole."
>
> And not all Republican lawmakers are concerned about the poll. Sen.
Lamar
> Alexander (R-TN), for one, does not find it a cause for anxiety.
While he
> agrees that his party should not take total ******* morons for
granted,
> they "really don't have anywhere else to go. They're never going to
be
> able to understand someone like Al Gore or John Kerry or anybody
> intelligent and articulate who wants to talk about substantive
issues.
> Just try having a conversation with one of them about global warming.
> They'll say, 'Oh, but Rush says volcanoes consume more ozone than
humans
> do.' I mean, they're morons! Total ******* morons!"
>
> "They've got nowhere else to go," Alexander reaffirms with a smile,
"and
> they always vote."