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Mon 19 Jun, 2006 09:19 pm
My relationship of a year and a half recently "exploded" and while part of me knows it is truly over this time, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to accept that its over.
Our relationship was complicated right from the get go as he has a child from a previous relationship and the mother still very much wants to be with him. She constantly threatens to take his boy away, in an attempt to sabotage our relationship and leave him no choice but to get back with her. It got to the point where he had no choice but to tell her that we were no longer seeing eachother in hope that she would go away. The other night we were in bed and had a knock at the door at around midnight, it was her. We were all shocked, I especally when she told me they had slept together just three weeks ago! He said nothing to her face, but later denied it to me. While they are both compulsive liars, i believe her. He tells me he hates her, she is a whore, (she's slept with half his friends, that's why they separated), so i don't get why he would sleep with her.
So you see this is an awful situation, one that a normal person could easily walk away from, but I find myself in tears, wanting to call him, feeling the need to tell him that he has to put her in her place. He cannot go on letting her rule his life like this (she won't allow him to have one!). I know he wants to be with me, i guess thats why it is so hard to walk away because i know he only broke up with me to please her, and see his child again.
What do I do?
Is it my place to go on insisting that he unwrap himself from her little finger?
OR because of his child, walk away and allow her to rule his life?
And if i do move on, how do I cope with losing someone who was my everything?
Relationships can be so cruel...
Rei-Ki--
He wanted to sleep with her--so he did.
If he wanted to break off with her, he would. He broke off with you, didn't he? He lied to her about still being with you, didn't he? He's liked to you, hasn't he?
Does he pay child support? Is there a formal visitation arrangement?
I feel sorry for the child who was born to two manipulative parents. The child had no choice.
You do.
Beautiful Noddy, it's been a while. You gave me some advice a while back which helped me very much. Thank you.
She claims she turned up on his door, drunk. He is the type to want to please everybody. I know that's no excuse though...
As for breaking off with her, they're not together. They only see eachother when picking up or dropping off the kids. (Gosh, I'm in denial)
He does pay child support. He bends over backwards, as any parent should.
He has done so many awful things to me, but yet I try to protect him.
Rei-Ki--
Remember, you're a Potential Loving Partner, not a mother.
Some kinds of men require so much reform that they aren't worth the effort. Liars are one of these kinds--particularly when he lies to both other people and to himself.
Crazy-making behavior.
You don't need crazy-making behavior.
I know. I know I must walk away. It's just so hard to though. We have all been in this situation before, but I always end up on his door step, apologising to him, when it should be the other way around. I feel like I have lost my self respect and dignity. I hate myself for dragging this on.
He always said, he's not out to save the world, but i on the other hand feel like i am. I can't just sit on and watch people make mistakes. It hurts to see the people i love being manipulated. I feel that it is my duty to speak up, in an attempt to save him.
Noddy: What do you mean "crazy making behaviour"?
It means that all that this is going to do is make you crazy, make you second guess yourself and give all sorts of concessions you would not give to others and would not expect yourself, etc. It's from this sort of situation that resentments build up over the course of years. Get out now before you, too, end up the mother of his child -- and the recipient of any more of his behaviors.
Jespah knows what I mean.
Can he really love you if he sleeps with his ex? Was it really his fault that he slept with her--maybe she tempted him? Can't he see how self-destructive his behavior is?
I must be fair, fair, fair and objective, objective, objective.
His wants and desires are much more important than my wants and desires.
With just a little more, little more, little more effort I can save him from his self-chosen, self-inflicted doom.
Crazy-making.
You lose sight of what is "real" and disagree with your own common sense. That way madness lies.
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