Best Friend & Boyfriend. help!!!

I think moving back and expecting that everything would be the same as before was the big mistake.
Of course people move on, and if you had found yourself a girlfriend while you were away, maybe the roles would be reversed.
I cannot believe, that your friend went from being your best friend to not caring about you at all, but you have to accept, that her priorities have shifted.
She's still in the beginning of her relationship, I believe, that she will 'remember' you as her friend again, and value your friendship more visibly, once her relationship has moved to a more routine one.
Until then, get yourself a life.
Don't give her the impression to be dependent on her to have fun.
Find new friends.
Join clubs.
Spend time on other hobbies, find new ones if you don't have any.

I can imagine that it is not easy, but it's your life and up to you, what you make of it!

Trying to understand here....are you a guy or a girl, sorrow?

I agree that expecting that everything would be the same when you moved back is totally unrealistic. Maybe your friend was just as lonely when you moved away for a year. Well, she did not sit and stew. She made a life for herself, with new friends. And this is what you have to do.

Yep. I know it's easier said than done. You did it wherever you moved away for a year though, right?

I agree that at some point she's likely to extricate herself somewhat from her boyfriend and spend more time with you -- but all you can really do to help that process along is keep in touch with her and get your life balanced again, where you live now.

Good luck.

Sorrowsunshine--

Welcome to A2K.


Consider this useful bit of philosophy from the Orient:

You cannot step into the same river twice.

The river banks remain constant, but the water in the river is constantly moving on, flowing to the sea.



While you were out-of-state your girlfriend made an independent life for herself. Perhaps before the move the two of you were BEST FRIENDS, but she has changed in the time the two of you have been apart. She has new interests.

Did you move back to the area simply for her company?

As for her behavior at the party. Personally, I'm old fashioned enough to think that couples shouldn't get physical in other people's bedrooms during a party, but I don't run the world.

Your girlfriend and her boyfriend were very antisocial at this party, but you weren't exactly extending yourself to have a good time or to be sure other people had a good time. The lovebirds wanted to spend all the party time with each other. You wanted to spend all your time with them.

Why go to a party if you don't want to mix and mingle?

You felt abandoned and awkward, so you lost your temper with your girlfriend. Now she's showing you that she doesn't like being yelled at and she doesn't like you assuming that she's your exclusive possession.

Her behavior was a bit rude--more rude to the host/hostess than to you, but still rude. Your assumption that she was going to guarantee you a good time at the party was unrealistic.

Pick up the telephone and tell her that you're sorry you lost your temper.
Don't get into who was right or who was wrong--the past is over and done with.

Once you put a patch on your fraying friendship, make sure that patch will stay there. Find other friends and other interests so you won't be so dependent on your girlfriend--or on any other person.

If you can't count on yourself to be good company at a party, who can you count on?

Good luck.

yea thanks...i was dependent on her before i moved because we did everything w. each other, and we didnt even hang out w. other people without each other. i mean last year, i was deff dependent i guess u could say, i hung out with alot of different ppl, but i wasnt really close to any of them. like how me and her are close. its hard being so close to someone and not being dependent on them, its easier when you guys arent as close. blahh. high school sux

Sorrowsunshine--

Change is hard--change is hard at any age, but if you can't change and become more independent you won't survive.

Keep us posted.

re: best friend + boyfriend
Hi sorrowsunshine,
I felt like a similar thing just happened to me and I totally feel your pain. How are things working out for you now, a few weeks later? Here's my story: I'm a single guy and my best friend here is this girl who recently got dumped by her boyfriend -- we're totally platonic and luckily us both being single isn't a issue. But now she's spending time with a new guy in a friends-with-benefits situation that isn't going to progress into a real relationship, so I don't feel comfortable around them together, and I think it's a waste of her time, especially since it takes away lots of her time from me. We suddenly see lots less of each other. I figured I'd see her more after her breakup, so it's ironic and surprising. I feel like my best bud has disappeared and I miss her. And I'm jealous that she's able to hook up with someone just weeks after the breakup, when I've been single for several years.

I'm trying to do what I think some people suggested here -- make more friends, do more new things myself, etc etc. I have a ton of cool things going on in my life, but I usually just have 1 or 2 close friends instead of lots of friends, so when she became more busy with the new guy it really affected me and I feel lonely. If I had more close friends I guess it wouldn't be such a problem. Sounds like it's the same for you.

Anyway, hope things are going better now. It was comforting to read your story online and made me feel a bit less alone, even though I'm sorry to hear someone else went through the same thing.

Best wishes!

I'm a little crabby this evening and I see this -


sorry this is so long...i'll love u forever if you read this and help me out here!!




Ah, you would love me forever if I read your post? Do you who I am? know what love is? What forever is?
Get a grip. Consider the feelings you do have and act respectfully.

I know, that's the first thing I noticed too osso.

Then, I realized we were reading a high school girl who still uses little circles to dot her i's when she writes in script, and does cute things with her t's and j's.

Re: re: best friend + boyfriend


Hi eraoul and welcome to A2K. I'm sorry this is happening, and you may think I've taken your post out of context, but I suspect that you like this gal, are afraid to admit it, and now she's with someone else and it bothers you -- because, as you said, you're a bit jealous that she's, to use the vernacular, gettin' some and you ain't. And, if I may add a conclusion, that it ain't with you.

But even if I'm totally barking up the wrong tree, it's good that you are concerned enough that she is in a situation that won't (you believe) go anywhere, but really, who's to say? It might, we can't predict the future, really, otherwise we'd all be lottery winners. She's got to live her own life, and make her own mistakes. So long as it isn't dangerous (HIV) or something permanently life-altering (like you think she's having unprotected sex and, would not only be opening herself up to STDs but also to a potential pregnancy), then you need to step back, butt out and let her stumble on her own. Perhaps she will see the error of her ways. Perhaps she will end up with you. Or, perhaps, she'll ruin her life. Or maybe it won't be so ruinous and it'll end up somewhere in between. But don't set yourself up as this girl's possible savior. If she wants to talk, fine, but you have no responsibility if she screws up royally. You care, yes, you are her friend, but this is how we, as a species, learn.

In the meantime, the advice stated before still stands -- cultivate other friends and other interests. They need not be as deep a friendship as this one. You can have buddies you play sports with or go to the movies with. It is good to occupy your time and enjoy yourself, particularly seeing as it's the summer, and don't be overly available for this girl. If she ends it with this guy, it will not be because you are, maybe, propping up her relationship by being her confidante.

If it were YOU who got the boyfriend, would your best friend be on here crying?

Probably. I don't think you'd do it any differently than she has.

It's a part of growing up.

It sucks.

But it's life.