Breaking News:
This just in. The Family Research Council has determined that the use of toilet paper by young girls will lead to sexual deviancy. Commonly used by humans as part of their hygienic rituals when using a bathroom, the FRC states that toilet paper may also be used by couples to tidy themselves up after having had sexual relations.
"We would oppose any measures to coerce parents into authorizing use of toilet paper in schools or in the home," wrote the FRC in a recent letter to the US government. "Our primary concern is with the message that would be delivered to nine- to 12-year-olds to encourage administration of the tissues to the delicate nether regions of their bodies. Care must be taken not to communicate that such application does not make sex 'clean'. Sex is dirty no matter how you swipe it."
