You know what's kind of fun....?

Microwaving crappy CDs. The light show is facinating. Good times.

eating a banana split out of the crack of a strippers ass.

popping bubble wrap. not very original but a lot of fun.

One of the most fun and rewarding things for me is the successful completion of an "insult transferrence."

The insult transferrence occurs when one person insults another, but in such a way as to make that person go ballistic, not on the person who insulted them, but on some other person. If done right, it can get two people into a very big fight, allowing the original insulter to then sit by and enjoy the spectacle of fury. It's very rare, but when it happens, oh my god, it is f*cking beautiful.

Here's one of the very few times that I ever actually completed a clean insult transferrence. A girl I used to work with came up to me and said, "How do you like my hair?"

Knowing that my other co-worker, who was nearby, had once told her that her hair looked kind of butch, like in a lesbo-ish kind of way, I used it to turn the insult transferrence.

I responded with, "It looks kind of dikey to me."

She immediately turned on my other co-worker and launched into a tirade about how insensitive and mean his comment had been. They didn't talk for a couple days after that.

F*cking beautiful.

yeah, it's also good when you've got the goods on somebody at work, and they know you know, but you both know you can't talk about it.

Then when you're all at a meeting together, a totally innocent party will bring up the sore subject.

The guilty person will try to nimbly segway it off to another subject.

And then you say "Hold on, before we move on, I'm not sure about something, could you CLARIFY that for me?

Sitting on the patio with a cold brew and a magnifying lens popping ants as they scurry around my feet, a bag of ruffles chips with a dish of french onion dip and binoculars to watch my neighbor across the fence taking a shower.

leaving my boogers on the shopping cart handles.

you're saying that because we go to the same supermarket.




You know what I'm glad they got rid of there.....

those goddamn horns in the carts that look like cars for the kids.

jesus mary and joseph.

getting back to fun...that one guy that works there on the weekends, you know promoting stuff....he's great.

Oh here ma'm, you need to buy this cheese, then go over there and pick up your free loaf of bread. Yes ma'm buy two and you can get another loaf!

He once got 3 or 4 customers in the produce department to sing "my darling clemintine" all together when he was promoting clemintine oranges.

boy that guy loves his job.

there's another one that's really creepy though, and I run away from him.

(scamper scamper scamper)

whats fun is taking that same air can, and making dimples in your hands and fingers with it.

throwing a new roll of toilet paper down the stairs

You two share an air can?

What I like even better than insult transferrence is "insult redirection". That's when someone insults you and, rather than being offended, you make a third party think that he was insulting them. Then you quietly duck out while the two go at it.

I was in a meeting once with a coworker and a higher up. The coworker starts trying to get in little digs about my project which I immediately convert to a dig on the higher-up's management style. Fireworks ensued. Oh god, that was beautiful.

I think it's fun to be all bright and cheery when someone else is having a painful hangover.

If they say anything, you respond "Hey it's not MY fault you feel like ****. You did this to yourself. Why should I change my day because you're stupid?"

I think it's fun to do acid and ride rollercoasters...