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Sat 3 Jun, 2006 04:40 pm
I wanted to get opinions on snooping and whether it is acceptable or not. If someone is cheating and lying about it and other things, how do you discover this unless you do snoop or spy? It's a catch 22. If you don't snoop, you can't prove the lie. But if you snoop that's wrong? Asking a cheater or a liar outright if they are being radically honest like I have done with a boyfriend, gets you just another lie. Unless you have evidence or proof of the lie, you'll never know. I hated snooping. It makes me feel awful. But I hate secrecy and lies and I had to know if he was being honest like he promised to be. What other recouse does someone have to verify someone's honesty if they suspect dishonesty other than to snoop?! Bury your head in the sand? I suppose the other alternative is to just believe he is being honest with you and then do nothing assuming that sooner or later, the lie will get exposed without snooping. Your thoughts.
Thanks,
Don't.
The fact that you're even thinking about it seriously means this isn't a good relationship. Either the other person is untrustworthy, or you're obsessively jealous. Get out before it gets ugly.
I agree that if you have to resort to snooping, there are either trust issues or possesiveness and neither one is a good thing.
Essentially what you are saying is, "I am an honorable person," but my boyfriend is forcing me to be dishonorable and snoop because I can't trust him.
He's making me do wrong, so I'm not responsible.
If you can't trust him, end the relationship. Don't blame him for dragging you down.
Yeah. Without trust there's nothing. If it got that bad, I'd leave.
Whoa! How do you discover lying and cheating if you don't snoop or spy? Are you snooping because you have reason to be suspicious or are you simply insecure and suspicious by nature and looking to feel better about your relationship by NOT finding evidence?
It depends on the motivation here. If John is coming home smelling of perfume or sex, taking his cell phone into the bathroom for private discussions, and running out to the store to pick up milk only to return two hours later without the milk, then I think you have reason to be suspicious. If John is being the same 'ole John and you have an angst that you can't put to rest without resorting to snooping or spying, then I'd suggest you get some counseling to work on your self esteem.
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