Her Confidence Problems

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Hey peeps,
It's been a long time since ive been here! Dont seem to have the time to have a life at the moment with work and everything!

Anyway, was wondering if i could be helped..

Ive got a new girlfriend since I last came on here, shes brilliant and we get on so amazingly well.. the problem is, shes 14 and i'm 18.

I know all the legalities etc etc and I dont find her sexually attractive (as in the "Lets have sex" way).

Shes had a bit of a bad past with boys and was almost raped last xmas and it seems to have knocked her back abit with confidence. She knows Im a genuinely nice and reliable guy and that Im not the type who'd take advantage of anyone.

Basically, Im here because I'd like to boost her confidence levels abit and try and make her feel more comfortable around me, it isnt the age gap 'cause her previous boyfriends were 18 and 19.

Any suggestions of what I can do? Sorry if this doesnt make sence, im so tired!

Speak to y'all soon,
DarkJohn

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I don't know you John, you sound like a nice guy but.......... If my daughter was 14 dating an 18yr old, I'd take him to the barn where we could be alone and give him 2 choices...to leave with all body parts or carry(with his remaining arm) most of his body parts in a feed bag! Evil or Very Mad

If her parents let her date 18 & 19 yr olds, I think they have a problem. When you are both in your 20's (20-24) I wouldn't have a problem, but 14 & 18 I have a serious problem.

I mean no disrespect to you John, but being a bit older having kids I realize and see things differently than when I was 18.

Be there as a friend with other friends/relatives around. NEVER be alone with this GIRL! You could get in a big pile of trouble wheather it be true or false.

Take care John and be careful!

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Her Confidence Problems
Lucky is totally right. Run screaming in the opposite direction if you find yourself alone with her. It sounds unfair, but life is unfair, and better be safe than in hideous trouble - trouble that could shadow you the rest of your life.

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Where I live, the legal age is 14 and I see nothing wrong with a 14 year old girl being involved with an 18 year old boy.
Girls mature much faster than boys do and I couldn't have pictured myself dating anyone under 18, when I was 14.

Unfortunately, the legal age is usually at least 16 in most places.

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Quote:

Basically, Im here because I'd like to boost her confidence levels abit and try and make her feel more comfortable around me, it isnt the age gap 'cause her previous boyfriends were 18 and 19.

Exactly what do you mean by "boost her confidence"? Go in for heavy petting?

Fourteen-year-old girls are supposed to be a bit diffident and innocent. Why should you hurry her growing up?

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NO! Youve all got it wrong!!
I mean, even her 14/15/16/17 year old mates have noticed it, for instance, she doesnt like having her photo taken cause she thinks shes ugly (when she isnt), she doesnt like singing cause she gets embarressed!

Thats what I mean, Im not trying to bed her or anything cause like I said, I dont want to!

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John, I apologize. I know what I wanted at 18 and assumed the worst. But she will look up to you, you both will start to like each other and if in the wrong place and wrong time "something" may happen that you may both regret. Just be careful or find a woman your age to be friends with this girl, make a date for all 3 of you to go out. Women understand girls better than men understand girls, THAT I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE! ( I have a 7 yr old daughter...........enough said)

Be careful John

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Her confidence problems

Quote:

Im not trying to bed her or anything

UNfortunately, it's what things look like that counts. There's always someone with a nasty turn of mind, and the possible trouble down the road? Omigod!

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Even a mature 14 year old is too young for an 18 year old. If yoiu really want to help her see if you can contact a rape crisis center and get some info for her. It seems what she really needs is some professional help. A rape crisis center could provide her with some couseling.

A relationship with her at your age and hers beyond that really just spells trouble for both of you - even if you just want to help her.

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Helping her should be done friend-to-friend rather than Boy Friend to Girl Friend. Even so you are four years older than she is (four very important years), more mature and more sophisticated.

Unless you are slow in the uptake, you can't have an equal-to-equal relationship with this child.

What you can do on a casual basis is treat her as if she were a secure and confident person. Lots of people (I'm one) don't like having their picture taken. Lots of people dislike singing in public. Is it possible that this girl is simply an introvert and happier participating as a spectator rather than as an actor?

Ask her for her opinions and listen to her answers. Compliment her on her good points: appearance, taste, tact, charm, general information. Ask her advice and listen to her answers.

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She's a child; you're an adult.

What's the matter with you?

A lot of people don't like having their picture taken; a lot of people don't like singing in public. This is not a sign that she lacks confidence. It's a sign that she knows what she likes and what she doesn't like in these matters. You sound pushy and presume that YOU know what is best for this child.

The only problem I see in this situation is an adult male who chooses a child for his girlfriend. Rolling Eyes

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I would not refer to her as 'girlfriend'. I think that can get you beat up in a lot of places. I know I would freak if my 14 yr old cousin was 'gf' to an 18 yr old man. I'd do everything to get him away from her.

If you want to honestly be her friend, then I'd suggest following the usual routine for friends: be nice to them, listen, don't nag, let them figure out their own problems on their own time.

tc

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Re: Her Confidence Problems

DarkJohn wrote:

Ive got a new girlfriend since I last came on here, shes brilliant and we get on so amazingly well.. the problem is, shes 14 and i'm 18. . . .

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Her Confidence Problems

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