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Tue 30 May, 2006 02:56 pm
A colleague of mine at work is going through a very bad patch and I don't know him all that well (we been hired a month ago) but I want to be supportive with out being scary. We have been very close in the month that we have worked together. (I think we becoming more like friends-drinks with each-other etc)
Anyway his father is very ill (cancer) and he had to be flown from Zimbabwe to Cape Town (South Africa) to see a specialist and my colleague and his sister will have to pay for this, thing is he has hardly enough money to support himself let alone cancer treatment for his dad. Anyway he's down there now and I feel so bad for him because before he left on friday i thought he was going to just start crying and I didn't know what to do... (it was so awkward)
I hope he's fine and do you think it would be alright to text him or should i just wait for him to come back either way me and him were hired for the same job so we work very closley together, so when he gets back i suppose i'll have time to be supportive but how? How deal with him when he returns without seeming cold or overly supportive?
If you're not close, it would be inapproporiate to ask him anything about his personal life. Perhaps you can just text the words "Hi! Just wanted to say hello and see how your day was going." It would relay the fact that you are thinking of him but not being prying as to his personal situation. It would also open the door to him talking about it if he wanted to. Or just saying "Hi!" back if he felt weird about it.
see it's awkward cos i haven't know him along but working with him every day we speak alot and he has ccome clubbing with me etc so we know alot about eachother but i feel that I haven't know him long enough to get too personal about soemthing like this... It was just soo wierd on friday sitting a lone with him in an office trying to pretend that I couldn't see he was about to cry and him pretending to me he was fine ( he zoned out for about 30 minutes and i let him)
You might try asking him if he would like to join you for drinks one night after he gets back. If he says no, ask him "What's wrong?" or "Is something wrong?" and let him talk if he wants to. If he says yes, he will either talk about it himself as the evening progresses or he may just start to feel a bit better, knowing without having to say anything that you are going to be there for him if he needs it. Not clubbing, mind you; that might send the wrong message, that you don't want to talk if he wants to. Go someplace reasonably quiet, and find a booth or a spot at the bar he can talk without the whole place hearing him.
Whichever you do, you would probably be best served not to bring it up first, unless he's already told you about it, or he may think the whole office is gossiping about him and he could feel worse.
thanks TSA, sounds reasonable, he has told me all about it during previous after work drinks.
Then I say stick with what works. You may feel bad about the whole situation, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that, but he may not feel like talking. Give him the option, but respect his need for distance if he doesn't want to. He'll talk sooner or later; just understand that it may be later.
yeah you right just be there and i think I'll just stick to my guns on that one.
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