Insults

'Men are apt to offend ('tis true) where they find most goodness to forgive.'

~ William Congreve, 'The Old Bachelor'

"You´re obviously confusing me with someone who gives a ****"
no idea who´s this is but it´s big in England.

(One of my favorite bumper stickers, hebba!)

'It belongs to human nature to hate those you have injured.'

~ Tacitus, Agricola

I know you can't be two-two face or you wouldn't be wearing that one.

- Phyllis Diller


He has the IQ of a dead flashlight battery, the personality of my patio furniture and the versatility of a lawn mower.

- Various

These quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations:
(1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig."

(2) "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

(3) "I would not allow this employee to breed."

(4) "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be."

(5) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in
a trap."

(6) "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

(7) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

(8) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

(9) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them."

(10) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

(11) "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

(12) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all
together."

(13) "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

(14) "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

(15) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

(16) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

(17) "He's been working with glue too much."

(18) "He would argue with a signpost."

(19) "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

(20) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

(21) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

(22) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other
one."

(23) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

(24) "A prime candidate for natural deselection."

(25) "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

(26) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

(27) "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

(28) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

(29) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

(30) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

(31) "It's hard to believe that he beat out 10,000,000 other sperm."

(32) "One neuron short of a synapse."

(33) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

(34) "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

(35) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

"As for modern journalism, it is not my business to
defend it. It justifies its own existence by the great
Darwinian principle of the survival of the vulgarest."
(Oscar Wilde)


PS great quotes MA!

WOMEN GET MINKS THE SAME WAY MINKS GET MINKS








QUOTE : UNKNOWN

"I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you."

Is it true that you went to see a mind-reader and he only charged you half-price?

"He couldn't arouse the interest of a hungry dog if he were wearing porkchops"



timber

roflmao.....

Doing the rounds in Dublin at the moment:

"Why don't you 'feck' off home and pray for a happy death"

Music with dinner is an insult both to thecook and the violinist.
- G.K. Chesterton

"He had a smile on his face like the silver fittings on a coffin".

He shud be a porn star...have you seen a bigger prick than him ??

Oh goddess! This is a real one, uttered by a friend of mine to a VERY nasty ex - (normally she gets on famously with her exes, and she is a very sweet woman...).

He had been describing to her - when they met accidentally in a pub - the excruciatingly long and terrible labour of his new partner, who had just had a baby.

When he finally finished she said sweetly: "But darling - it CAN'T have been as bad as the conception - surely?"

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
A delicious reply.

How odd
Of God
To choose
The Jews

(WN Ewer - English Journalist)

But not so odd
As those who choose
A Jewish God
Yet spurn the Jews

Anon