STAY OR GO?

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Well I don't know where to begin but here I go.

Im 21 years old now married to my wife (21 years as well) for 1 year 5 months.

My wife and I have a little darling girl who is 9 months.

For a long time now I would say our whole marriage there have been trust issues and
my wife has severely insecure. we hade always had fights in our marriage (allot) mostly verbal
fights. but about 6-7 months ago my wife became very abusive verbal and even at time
physically abusive. I have tried to let her know several times that what she is doing is wrong
and she needs help. yet for some reason we never went through with getting her consoling.

The fights we have are very bad. these fights can last up to 8-10 hours. I have tried to leave before
infact I have tried to leave our marriage several times. but every-time I leave she always has
a way to drag me back, she will say things like "YOU HAVE A LITTLE GIRL TO TAKE CARE OF
GET BACK HERE AND DO THAT". or she will say "I CANT DO THIS ALONE HELP!! she has said things like
GROW UP BE A F***ING MAN AND TAKE CARE OF THIS." or she has even been so upset she has
threatened suicide. This really scares me when she does that because she had attempted
that in back before I got with her. My wife is severely depressed and I think she might have some
issues with bipolar.

I don't know what to do anymore, We always fight in-front of our little girl and the fights now have become so bad
I have become physically abusive. She pushes and pushes and pushes and I have nowhere to go
and I blow up.

I have noticed That I get angry very fast now. I use to never get angry. I noticed I
can be violent now to, which I never ever used to be. Its as if she brings out the worst in me.
And I her.

We always apologize to each other afterwards and say it will never happen but it does.
again and again. We have fought so much, and so long and said so many hurtful
things and done so many hurtful things I don't even know if Iamb in love with her anymore.
It scares me.

I feel trapt because I feel I cant leave because we have a little girl and my wife
cant do it on her own. and because she always says something to bring me back.
I don't even feel in control.

Please any advice would help.

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Counseling.

Depression, possible bi-polar, physical abuse -- this is serious stuff, that needs to be dealt with by professionals, and quickly.

Good luck.

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Your wife may be suffering from postpartum depression. This could be very serious. I agree with Sozobe. You need to get help NOW. Talk to a mental health professional immediately. You certainly don't want to put your child in danger.

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Quote:

I don't know what to do anymore, We always fight in-front of our little girl and the fights now have become so bad
I have become physically abusive. She pushes and pushes and pushes and I have nowhere to go
and I blow up.

Go to a counselor or you may wind up being arrested for wife-beating. Your daughter will incorporate the notion that "men who love me are violent" into the core of her being.

You can't control your wife, but you can take charge.

Do so.

Let us know how it is going--changes are not easy. We'll listen.

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agreed.

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I really feel for you faithbeme!

it's a very difficult situation, and I think it's very good that you've acknowledged that btoh your's and your wife's behaviour towards each other is not acceptable.

apart from all the other wonderful suggestions on here I would also add that if you feel a fight is about to begin then get away from you daughter as soon as possible. She may only be a few months old but even at that young age she will understand that what's happening with mom and dad is not a nice thing. She may even being to associate certin things in her head with an unpleasant feeling... e.g if you fight at meal times they will become unpleasant for your daughter and this could lead to any number of nuroses in the years to come.

And remember, it takes a strong man to admit that he needs help! well done!

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Re: STAY OR GO?
faithbeme, it's a tough situation and my heart goes out to you (and your wife too, actually)..As everyone else has suggested, you both need counseling, of course.

But I noticed that you say:

faithbeme wrote:

I don't know what to do anymore, We always fight in-front of our little girl and the fights now have become so bad
I have become physically abusive. She pushes and pushes and pushes and I have nowhere to go
and I blow up.
I have noticed That I get angry very fast now. I use to never get angry. I noticed I
can be violent now to, which I never ever used to be. Its as if she brings out the worst in me.
And I her.

I have lived with an abusive mother. I used to live with my abusive husband, i know how it feels - especially the part about bringing the worst out of each other.

I know the hell you go through when you live with an abusive person but please please do not abuse her back (verbally pr physically). It does not help - it only pushes you also into the trap. Does she stop when you abuse back? NO. She only increases her momentum.

Of course, I'm not asking you to "give in" to her. You certainly need to take charge. All I'm asking you is to stop being abusive in retaliation. I have seen my dad do that - and it hurt me no end. My mom used to EXTREMELY abusive and manipulative - I truly wish he had left her instead of temporariliy becoming a demon from time to time.

I'm sorry if i went off to a tangent. I just thought I should give you the viewpoint of a daughter who lived with abusive parents.

Good luck. I hope you will be able to help your wife, youself and you child thru this.

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Don't put things off any longer.
Your wife needs help.

If she refuses to get help, get out, and take your little girl with you!
I wouldn't trust her to be safe with your wife at the moment.

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...
I want to know whether you love her any more!
You have a little girl,and it is really a problem.But you may think in this way.you two are leading a happy life,why do not search for a new life?i think you are so frightened.the death of your wife? or you should find out why you are leading such kind of life? to leave for a time,to give each other sometime to think over. and if the day your wife lost in the world ,would you be very sad?
IF life now can't be happy again,drop it ;if it can,if you still love your wife,try your best to save it.and if you fail,at least you have no regret for yourself!

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Umm wwhat do you do If your datin a girl your about to be a senior you love her but you don't want to be held down because you wnat to experiance other people and see if anything is different. I lost my virginity to her but I don't want her to be the only girl I've had sex with? I'm confused can someone help.

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Spitting Venom--

Rather than piggybacking on this thread, why not post your problem on a new, independent thread where more people would see it?

As for your problem. You and your GF are too young to commit yourselves to each other forever. You say you "lost your virginity". What about your GF. Were you her first partner?

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