Old Love

Several ?'s here:

Why was it "not meant to be"..

If she is in a committed relationship do you still have a chance,
If she would leave this person for you, would you still want her, I mean might she then trade you off as well later?

Perhaps growing older, and reflecting back this relationship looks better than it actually was.

How did you mistreat her and why should she forgive you or give you another chance.

I could be wrong, but your post sounds like you are just scared and lonely (illness exaggrates these feelings you know). Are you perhaps in a mid life crisis stage? Just asking ok?

Do what your heart tells you to do

You only live once

Life is all about the risks and chances

Nobody can decide but you, follow your gut, your intuition

The reasons we weren't meant to be doesn't need to be known by anyone, I would love to get back with her because she really did mean allot to me, but in the end I decided she isn't the one to will marry so it wouldn't be worth getting together only to break up again. If I wanted to get her out of the relationship she's in, well I don't know how that would end up. She was very loyal to me as I was to her and I wouldn't ever question that even if she left who she is with for me, though I don't know what she would do I know it would cause her great turmoil. After we broke up a year or two down the road we could hang out a bit and I could meet her new boyfriend and be congenial. I truly care for her and the friendship is still there but after what we've been through I doubt we could have any sort of a relationship.

The relationship I'll admit does look better in hindsight and i've tried to take that into consideration, I went through our relationship with a boner and don't feel as if I treated her with the respect she deserved, I don't expect forgiveness or another chance, she doesn't hold anything against me but I feel that it would do her some good for me to admit how I mistreated her, perhaps some of it she blames on herself. Realizing that in some ways I was in fact abusive may do her some good.

I am in deed scared and lonely, have been for quite some time but in my scared lonely state I've had much time to reflect on my past and this is something I feel should be set straight.

I want to do what my gut tells me but I'm uncertain what affect it may have on her, am I digging up old feelings that will just cause problems in her relationship or am I takeing responsibility for what went wrong and letting her know how much she meant to me.