Okay, here come the reality check questions.
- Which countries are the two of you in?
- How old are you two?
- Are either of you currently married?
- Do either of you have children?
- Have either of you ever been in a serious relationship (as in, dating at least a year, living together or married regardless of the length of time of the marriage or living together) before this?
- Does your country offer more employment or financial opportunities for her?
- Is she established where she is? Are you established where you are? By that I mean, do you have a job? House? Most of your family? Friends? Other types of roots? Same questions about her.
- How open is this relationship? Is it just in IM or chatrooms or do you talk openly about it with family and friends? Are you embarrassed about how you met and how you communicate? Do you tell a little white lie about that to friends and/or family? Same questions about her.
- Have you ever spoken on the telephone? If so, who instigates the calls? Who pays for them?
- Are you in more or less equal economic circumstances, or is one of you significantly wealthier than the other?
- Is traveling there for a visit, or her coming to you, feasible? By that I mean, schedule-wise, economically, practically, etc.
In the years that I managed a chatroom, I saw lots of couples from different places, either different parts of the US, or different countries, who "fell in love". But none of it mattered if they were not willing to make some serious sacrifices in order to be together, and most of them were unwilling to do that. When the chips were down, they were not willing to immigrate or sell everything or even just spend enough money to make a phone call on occasion. Plus, you need to be aware that there are people out there who worm their way into a 'net type of relationship because they want to come to your country, and that's the only reason for that.
I knew a guy in Texas who had that happen with a gal in Barbados. She was clever enough to realize that if she married him she'd end up in the US, but she balked when she met him and realized just how physically disabled he is. And he was smart enough to see through that very quickly. He was gracious while she visited but the "relationship" ended rather quickly after she returned to Barbados.
There are couples who make it work. They either move or they both move or they keep their own places but do a lot of traveling and phone calling. It can be done, but it is very rare.
Internet relationships turn the normal rules of dating upside down. Things look amazing because you only talk to someone when they are at their best. You don't see them when they wake up in the morning, or right after the dog has eaten their shoes or when the bills have come due. The reality of getting to know people has had an end run done around it. Be aware of that before jumping into anything.
ah live and learn I guess
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace