My wife has moved out. "She needs space" what do i do?

Forums: Relationships
Email this Topic • Print this Page

My wife of 3 years has moved out and has been gone for over a week. She says she loves me and is not thinking about getting a divorce. Her reason for leaving is that I am verbally abusive and angry. She says she has not been happy for a long time. I believe I am a pretty good person, but sometimes very angry and quick to say sharp and hurtful things.

I have endured quite a lot during my life. I have lost both my parents to health issues when I was 21 and 22. I was diagnosed with cancer when I was 15 and went through a year of very aggressive chemotherapy. I feel i have carried this pain and anger through me my entire life. My parents were verbally abusive and my dad was sometime physically abusive. I find my self saying the exact same things he would say to my mother. "I hate you" "I don't love you anymore" "I want out of this"

My previous relationship was ended because of this same reason. I am working hard now to break this cycle of anger and abuse. I am in counsuling and in a anger management class. My wife has agreed to meet with a marriage therapist this coming week. I am very excited about this because I do love her and want to be with her as my wife. She is living with friends and is holding strong to not coming home.

I have so many questions and I am so confused. Is she easing out of the relationship and doesn't want to hurt me? Does she really want to work this out? Will she ever forgive me? Ever trust me again? Is she ready to move on with someone new? has she already?

I am so unsure if I should still try and get her back. I am feeling strongly about accepting it's over and working to get over her.

What is it like for someone else that has gone through this before? I am hurting and lost right now.

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,778 • Replies: 5

No top replies

It appears that your wife finally had enough of temper tantrums and verbal abuse. She has moved out, it appears, because that's the only thing she could do to get her message across to you that she's not going to take it anymore.

She's giving you a chance to work out your anger issues in counseling. She's giving the marriage a chance by agreeing to marriage counseling. But, unless you can learn to control your anger and abusive language and become a better marriage partner, she won't be coming home.

0 Replies

read this post:

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=74087&highlight=

0 Replies

This is an occasion to be celebrated! wee hee! Razz

Ok, I know you are probably not feeling that way right now. But: your wife is doing you a favor. She cares about herself, and you, enough not to put up with abuse. She is doing the right thing.

Focus 100% on yourself and dealing with the anger and issues. Do whatever you have to.

This will be hard: but don't allow yourself to dwell and think about your wife/marriage right now. It's pointless.
She needs to see, over time and through your actions, that you can change from an angry abusive man to one who is peaceful and can take her needs into consideration. That's the only way she can truly trust you: over time, constant action, and proof that you will never ever blow up on her again. And you can not control she will respond to any changes you may make. She may not be able to ever forgive you or trust you again as a partner.

You need to get to the place where it doesn't matter if she gets back together with you are not. Where you work on this anger for YOURSELF and so you can be a better person...and a happier one who is more able to show love for others.

I really wonder who arranged marriage councilling so early? IMO, it's too early. You need to be well along in healing first, and earn that right.

Is your wife seeing anyone by herself?

0 Replies

Thank you for your posts.

I am very thankful to her for doing this. I do understand that I am not in the best state of mind with my anger. it is a very tough battle.

It has been so much easier for me to say hurtful things than to feel the hurt and express myself in a emotional manner. I was, of course, the one to schedule the marriage therapy session so soon. The point that "I need to earn it" was very insightful. It made me realize that she too has to be earned.

She is currently in therapy herself. there have been major improvements in our relationship since she starting going, 3 months ago. I of course, have a blow up and it resulted in the current situation.

0 Replies

Get thee to counseling. Yesterday. You need to resolve these anger issues with the help of a professional before you can mend your marriage.

0 Replies

My wife has moved out. "She needs space" what do i do?

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know