Overprotective mom?

Let your hubby know that you can drowned in a glass of water...but thats besides the point. How old is your son?

He is 4. The girl was 5.

Less than that. I've heard an inch. Any amount of water can be dangerous to someone who doesn't know how to swim and is being bullied. You did the right thing, LMF.

I'm curious as to what your hubby thinks the appropriate response from a four year old should be. As a father, I've stepped in on any number of such occasions to put a stop to shenanigans that could lead to something dangerous. Nothing wrong with that. It's called parenting.

I agree! Not saying that your hubby is a bad parent but 4 yrs old is a tad young to start fighting your own battles. Thats what mommies are for! If it had been any other situation...on a playground perhaps I would have let my son react but when there is a danger involved you absolutely have to step in.

I will not say I do not completely agree with my husband. Actually what he said made me think about my actions.

If I don't protect him when he needs it, he will loose his sense of security with me. If I meddle into every small affair of his, he will never grow his instincts to protect himself. He will have a tendency to rely on me. So I am a little confused of the degree to which I can be protective.

One time when I was in the playground with him, I saw 3 girls running up from behind him and circling him and charging him for something.. He was quietly standing there. So I went and asked them.. what is the problem. The girls all older than him gave some filmsy reason. I pulled him away from there.

See a pattern there?

http://www.naspcenter.org/resourcekit/bullying_new_rk.html

Yes, I see one, but most of us mothers have a tendency to step in
and protect our little ones, and it is very hard to not interfere.

Instead of bailing your son out of such situations, it probably would
be better if you steer it in a different direction. You could have said
to the little girl in the kiddy pool: "Oh, I see you want to teach "Johnny"
how to swim. That's very nice of you." In saying that, the girl
knows that you're watching them and that she should be more careful,
yet you don't pull your son away from the situation.

Dto. with the 3 girls. You could have asked them if this is a new
game they're playing, and if they could explain it to your son. There
again, you're not pulling him away, you're just easing the confrontation.

Yes I can try that trick CJ. Let me see how that works.

Blacksmith, my hubby says, in order to protect himself, he may have kicked the girl or whatever.. Even if he did not and went under water for a sec, he would have known/learnt it was not an experience he liked and would have tried to save himself next time someone played a prank like this.

But since I interfered, I prevented him from learning it on his own.

I have called up couple of family counselling centers. I think me, my husband and my son need to go through professional help if we want to combat this problem. Also, I have another one on the way. My second is due in september. So i want to make sure this problem is taken care of before september. I have also searched up some martial arts classes in our locality. So let's see..

Thank you all for your responses and support.

Sorry, but your husband needs to back off and not interfer with your parenting skills. What you did, any mother/ father would have done. Thats your child in the pool, and like all of us...we'd like to take them home afterwards. That would be anyones initial reaction...

Now, if your still doing it at 14, then I might understand where he's coming from...lol, but not at 4. I could be wrong, but I just don't believe that all children have that fight or flight instinct completely intact at 4....

But maybe..before you take him to the pool the next time, you talk to him beforehand...... Tell him, if so~n~so does this or that, I want you to.....?????? react in this manner...and then watch how things are handled.

That gives him the option of handling the situation on his own, and you can praise him for making the right choice afterwards.

One thing I'm not clear on -- has he ever put his head under water? It sounds like you were worried that just being under water, at all, would be enough to cause serious problems.

If so, think that could be something to work on, itself -- if he is able to go under water, you don't need to be so vigilant.

My daughter was 4 when we went to the pool all the time last summer, so I was imagining how I'd handle it. She doesn't swim but she can put her head under water, and I think I'd just watch from the sidelines, as long as I could get there quickly if she didn't pop right back up. I might shoot a warning look at the girl if I thought she was being too rough, and would intervene if there was anything definitely dangerous.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to tell the girl not to pull him under. A simple "don't pull him under because he can't swim" in a no big deal tone would suffice. Other than that, if she's not hurting him and if he's handling it, no need to interfere. It sounds like your husband might just be reacting to the bigger picture, e.g. your other thread.

Sozobe.. good observation. He has put his head under water but only couple times. I was afraid that he may loose his control while under water. But good point.. I will focus on that as well.

makemeshiver.. doing this at 14!!! Please keep a look. If you see me complaining about these things when he is 14.. please shoot me. But I hope I will not have to wait till he is 14 to find out I have serious problems LOL

freeduck, thanks for your suggestion, will try that along with CJ's

I think you did the right thing as well...parenting is hard but I think that it is important to let kids know the dangers of swimming and messing around. I think the best thing to have done would have maybe been to pulled the girl aside and talked to her not infront of your son so that way he is not use to his mom always coming to the rescue but what you did I think is fine.

I will never forget when I was a little girl and swam under my babysitters legs and she trapped me in... I was so scared that it still haunts me today -- I thought I was going to die...being under water is something you do not mess with...

LoveMyFamily, have you checked out the show called Surviving Motherhood? This might help you with some issues -- being a mom is not easy and listening to others problems could help you...good luck wiht everything.

I think I should change my name to "sarcastic father." Your son, in my opinion, needs to develop problem solving skills. Watch what he does when he gets into situations and see how he gets out of them. The idea of a karate class is going to give him the tools should he decide he doesn't like the way a situation is going, but it doesn't teach him how or when to become assertive.
We can also get into the whole nature/nurture buisines. My youngest son takes after me(poor kid) while our twoo daughters take after thier mother.
but, what it all comes down to, is you have to let your son start to make his own decisions. Yes, even at 4. He already is making other decisions in his life, this is just helping him with other and better coping skills. You need to monitor the situation to make sure it doesn't get out of hand. And,you never said how your son was reacting during all of this. Was he complacint, scared, excited, nervous, bored???????? Read the expressions on your child's face. And, if he is going to be a big brother he might take on a different feel for problems.
Darn, I'm losing it. No sarcasm during this enire post!

I don't think what you did wsa wrong - we are talking about pre-school children not older kids that should know better. One suggestion though is to use these situations as learning tools. He is at the age where he should be learning to socialize so give him the tools to stand up for himself.

After such a situation - perhaps you could talk with your son on possible ways of handling it so in the future he feels confident on what he needs to do. I would not suggest hitting or kicking as your husband did, but maybe another tactic. A child that will at least speak up for himself is less likely to be pushed around.

Happytaffy and Linkat thanks for the support.

ralpheb.. thank you. I needed someone to critique my behaviour. To answer your question, I don't know how he felt after the incident. I interfered too soon for him to even realise. Regarding Martial arts, it teaches more than just the protection. It builds confidence, mental balance. With confidence you get assertiveness. So I was interested when some of the forum members suggested it to me. We have a good one very close to home but it takes only from 5 years onwards. He will be eligible next year.

This is one isolated issue. This aside, I get worked up if I see he is not treated fairly. He has good social skills, that is what I learnt from his caregiver and his pre-school teachers. But when I am with him, I monitor everything that goes on around him. I have started to let it go a bit at a time. When he is playing in the park with his friends, I keep myself at a good distance. Until he gets into major problem ( which has not happened so far after this incident), I don't interfere. I lock myself inside the house, when he is playing in front of the house with neighbourhood kids. But I cannot resist myself from peeping out every 10 minutes through the peep hole.

I worked on Sozobe's comment. He was in the pool with one of his friends "K". K kept on pushing him under water and my son came back up everytime. He enjoyed the fun. I stood a little further away but close enough to dive down if the need arose. I never had to. They really had fun. I could n't believe how paranoid I was the first time it happened.

Definitly an over protective mother thing happening, completely understandable and even acceptable as the mother of a 4 year old. I think a baby brother/sister and time away from mum at school will sort him out.

I am sure I would have done just the same!
I am also sure, the girl at 5 meant no harm, but if her parents aren't around to tell her to stop things like that, I believe you are the next best person.