Stupid is as stupid does

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Ok, I just had to run this by you married women. So I am sitting here in the dinning room typing on my laptop for school. My husband walks by me, grabs his keys, and walks out the door. My first instinct was to ask him where he was going but I decided to ignore him. Really bad idea. So he comes back in and walks into the bedroom. A few minutes later I hear ripping and eventually I hear loud "thunk" like sounds. When the sound has died away, I asked him what he was doing.

Let's just say, to make a long story short, he apparently took a bed sheet from a full set of sheets and pillow cases that were sitting in our linen shelf. He then took that bed sheet and stapled it with a staple gun to the window frame in our bedroom and CUT off the excess to fit the frame! When I asked him why in God's name he would do something like that he told me that he did it to keep the cat from jumping through the blinds to look out the window in the morning. So not only did he ruin a bed sheet, but now the entire set can't be used because they don't match any thing else that I ownnot to mention it seems to be missing a piece now. The worst part about it is that he never asked me nor told me he was doing it, he just did it. Of course I started to scream and holler at him because he started to tell me how much he didn't care about those sheets and didn't think he needed to ask me to do it. I could have gone to Joanne Fabrics and picked up a piece of fabric to fit the window that would have cost less than the sheets did, not to mention prevent them from being ruined. He said that I shouldn't care about the sheets because we have had them for two years and only used them a few times. I don't really see that as a very valid point because not only is two years not a very long time, but those sheets could have been used for when we move into a home and need sheets for a guest bed.

Sometimes I think he just creates things for me to be pissed off at. I swear it's like leaving a child alone in a room with a box full of markers and a white wall.

Do any of your husbands do these type of things?

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No.

You don't seem to listen here, girl. We think you are dealing in a difficult situation and are in denial yourself. This post of yours is one more bit of data that you don't get it.

Please just reread the threads you have started here, from scratch, and then come back and talk.

Click on your name and all posts, and then click on back to the original ones. Just read.

You are living with someone who has an unusual need to control This is very destructive. Please go get advice at a women's shelter, and, if you can, access this kind of thing on the internet. You are not alone.

What is happening - as I observe, frowning - is that your sense of reality is being tweaked.

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Quote:

. . . Of course I started to scream and holler at him. . . .

Sometimes I think he just creates things for me to be pissed off at. I swear it's like leaving a child alone in a room with a box full of markers and a white wall.

Do any of your husbands do these type of things?

Yes. My man, on occasion, has done things that cause me momentary frustration or hurt my feelings, but I make it an absolute rule to NEVER get "pissed off" at him.

Those sheets could have been the best, most expensive sheets in the world. Maybe you LOVED those sheets. But, no matter how wonderful those sheets may have been, they aren't worth the harm that can be caused to your relationship by screaming or hollering at your man for ruining them. They're just sheets--but your husband is the love of your life--and you should never want to treat him like a child by verbally reprimanding him in an angry voice.

It's just a matter of putting these type of small frustrations into perspective. Sheets can be replaced easily. The same can't be said about your relationship with your man. I would just smile and shake my head or use my laughing, "having fun with my man" voice and say something like this: "Nice job honey! If you had asked me, I would have preferred to use a $2.00 piece of fabric from JoAnn's -- but this $200 piece of cut-up sheet works fine too!" (LOL)

If he becomes defensive (e.g., well, we never used those sheets anyway) in the face of your humorous response to his antics, you can defray his defensiveness by immediately acknowledging in a fun voice, "Hey, you're a grown man and those were your sheets too. If you want to cut them up, you can cut them up--no explanations necessary!" (BIG SMILE)

He's your husband--he's your MAN. Love him, have fun with him, laugh with him, respect him, and treat him like he's a MAN. Don't yell at him; don't treat him like a child. The better you treat him, the better he will treat you. And it makes for a fabulous relationship when a WOMAN treats her hubby like a MAN. Don't be his "mother." He doesn't want a mother. So, make it a rule to never pull out your "mother voice" and scream at your man no matter how tempting it may be to do so during those times of momentary frustration. Very Happy

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what?

Debra, have you read all of the history of kitkat's posts?

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ossobuco wrote:

. . . You are living with someone who has an unusual need to control This is very destructive. Please go get advice at a women's shelter. . .

I certainly wouldn't seek advice from a women's abuse shelter if my man cut up a sheet to cover a window. I guess I'll have to go back and read kitkat's posts because I didn't remember that she was married to an abuser . . . . I thought we were just talking about a wife getting pissed off at her hubby for ruining a set of sheets.

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I wouldn't either, I'm as inventive myself. Long history of posts here, from kitkat.

I can of course be wrong, But it's hard to come out at the other end of reading all of it thinking the guy is just fine.

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No, but I've done stupid things like that.

You are obviously waaay upset about it. Re-read your other posts as osso suggests.
This is just one more piece on the giant snowball.

cheers

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why was it such a big deal to stop a cat from looking out a window? Confused

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You two are, to judge by your prior posts, locked in a sick dance. As you are unwilling or unable to seek help or follow advice rendered here, I can only sit back in bewilderment, watching the Titanic of your union as it barrels towards the iceberg. Good luck and godspeed.

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blacksmithn wrote:

As you are unwilling or unable to seek help or follow advice rendered here, I can only sit back in bewilderment, watching the Titanic of your union as it barrels towards the iceberg.

I don't think I've ever seen a more appropriate metaphor. Ask just the married women or ask anyone, and you get the same responses and just continue to ask the same questions. The time for asking is done. Now you need to actually do something about it, or learn to live with it.

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Quote:

he did it to keep the cat from jumping through the blinds to look out the window in the morning.

anyone else see control freak in this statement?

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shewolfnm wrote:

Quote:
he did it to keep the cat from jumping through the blinds to look out the window in the morning.

anyone else see control freak in this statement?

From the number of her posts, all essentially dealing with the same topic, I see a relationship with HUGE problems. It takes 2 to tango though and, in my personal view, one is no more guilty than the other.

There comes a time when you've got to turn Mother's picture to the wall and get out, as the saying goes. I think this relationship passed that mark long ago.

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I have followed the kitkat saga , unfortunatly.

and all i can say is that I remember being a kid who was trying to make a marriage work when I didnt know what marriage ment in the first place.

these two need to call it quits, go get some life experience, then try again with someone else

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Nope (er, that's in response to the initial post, not to what shewolf just said).

Really, kkb, this is absurd. Yeah, they were just sheets, but this is symptomatic of other stuff. You really want to be yelling about sheets with this jerk when you're 40? 50? 60? 70? 80? 90, should you live so long?

When is enough, enough?

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Kitkat--

From your husband's point of view, the sheet is not important. The fact that the sheet is part of your domain in the marriage is not important. You are not important. The marriage isn't particularly important.

Do you have any other questions?

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shewolfnm wrote:

Quote:
he did it to keep the cat from jumping through the blinds to look out the window in the morning.

anyone else see control freak in this statement?

A little. Seems like he could have just opened the blinds so the cat could see out the window.

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exactly.

more over , why it is even important where the cat is?

( im more interested in the mental health of the poor kitty.. ) Laughing

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Sadly, the kitty is more likely to listen to advice than the author of this thread.

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Stupid is as stupid does

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