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Fri 28 Apr, 2006 10:39 pm
So I've been seeing this new guy for a while now (see post - He is amazing!). I've been dealing with a lot of personal stuff regarding guilt. I am seeing a therapist about these things, and some of it has to do with family problems and possible sexual abuse as a child. These issues are a problem in themselves. But this guy has been willing to stand by me. And we've discovered a closeness that I can't describe (though, I think there's a little too much sex, even though I initiate most of it and then feel guilty afterward. Sex is beside the point though).
Anyway, things are as good as they can be with finals coming up and me in a state of mental uncertainty. But I just got offered a job in France as a teaching assistant for a year starting in August. So now things have to end before we get a chance to see where they go (we'll be separated for the summer too). Why is it when things seem to be going well that there is always something that will get in the way. I was finally facing my guilt and fear of close relationships. I was ready to really try to be honest and have a real relationship with this guy, and now I have to end it. Not going to France is not an option for me. Ah, life is hard!
Why can't he go with you? Even if he can't who says you have to break up? If it's really love then you can work it out. I wish you all the best daniellejean.
Just don't make any hasty decisions.
Long-distance relationships may stink but they are not 100% unsuccessful. Why not try it? If it fails, it fails, it'll be as if you broke up now. But if it succeeds ....
Last night we just held eachother and cried. I don't know if I will break things off. We are just enjoying the moment and trying not to let our fears rule us. But its hard knowing that we'll be apart for a year after having only been together for what will be 5 months in August (only two months right now). I just have to trust my heart.
daniellejean wrote:Last night we just held eachother and cried. I don't know if I will break things off. We are just enjoying the moment and trying not to let our fears rule us. But its hard knowing that we'll be apart for a year after having only been together for what will be 5 months in August (only two months right now). I just have to trust my heart.
For what it's worth, I met a guy and then left (America) to live in England five months later. I was in England for about six months, not a year, but still a significant chunk of time. This all happened about 14 years ago -- that's the guy I've been with ever since.
Today, with email, cheap(er) phone rates, etc. you can speak to each other every day if you want...you could even get a web cam.
You say for a year? Then you would definatly be coming back?
How about if both of you start a savings account for yourselves...one so that he can visit you in 4 months, one so you can visit him in another for.
That takes it down to 16 week waits, much more manageable than 52.
Like soz, my man and I we're separated for a long while before we got together..
If the love is meant to be, it will remain.
all I can say is that I hope soz and Chai are right for your's and my sake.
tagged_lyricist wrote:all I can say is that I hope soz and Chai are right for your's and my sake.
Note, I'm not saying that it WILL work out, or that it always works out -- just that
sometimes it does, and a pre-emptive strike may not be necessary (or in anyone's best interest).
for sure soz but hope springs eternal in (my) human breast.
I know. It's just that I did this once before. I was with a guy in France and tried to continue the relationship overseas knowing I would return to do exactly what I am going to be doing. That was a bad relationship and I couldnt see that clearly when I was with him. I realized it when I came back to the states. So I am not even considering rekindling things with him when I return, even though he will be just one city away. I dont think I ever want to see him again, in fact. But that's a story for another day.
I guess I feel like I know that long-distance stuff often doesn't work, and my own personal experience is applied to that. But I have to learn to separate the bad from the good.
I'm also scared because things have gotten SO intense SO fast with this guy. I wonder if once we're separated we will feel the same things. I'm also concerned because there has been a lot of sex lately. I don't think that we are only about sex. We talk for hours and laugh and go out when we have the chance. But I think that part of the reason it has gotten so intense has been the sex. So I'm just worried that once the distance happens, we won't have enough to go on. He's a quiet person naturally. Ahh, I'm just going to have to take this one step at a time. Probably should have done that to begin with.
daniellejean,
I think you may be freaking yourself out a little bit. From what you wrote before, you seem crazy about this guy.
It doesn't always work out, but sometimes it can. It depends on lots of things. The first one being that you truly want to do what it takes to continue.
I sense that you might be having some doubts?
In the past, (and actually sometimes now too) I have been seperated from my man for quite long periods of time. The biggest problem I had, personally, was my own imagination working overtime. Keeping in touch by phone, email, etc. (sending stuff by mail is kinda cool too) helped with that a lot.
It's up to you, but maybe consider: are you the one breaking it off and/or is it mutual? He may be willing to do what needs to be done to make it work. Just a thought.
tc
Take the job in France. Keep the man. And see where life takes you. Like Jespah said...why not? If it works you have a wonderful man. IF it doesn't, you'd have lost nothing.
daniellejean, not every action and thought has to life-altering.
Things don't have to be that dramatic.
~~~~~~~~
If you decide to relax and see where things go, this could be you in the New York Times in 5 years
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/30/fashion/weddings/30vows.html
Quote:They twice endured a year of long-distance romance, first when Ms. Meitner moved to Wisconsin and then to California to teach poetry.
They married on April 22 at the Veritas Vineyard and Winery in Afton, Va., west of Charlottesville, Ms. Meitner in an ivory strapless gown. The ceremony, held before about 140 guests in an unfinished reception hall because of rain, blended new and old Jewish elements. A klezmer band called the Vulgar Bulgars played as guests danced the hora.
just continue with the guy but see someone else on the sly for sex while you're gone. You can be sure that's what he'll do..... what's the problem?
Chai Tea wrote:Today, with email, cheap(er) phone rates, etc. you can speak to each other every day if you want...you could even get a web cam.
Truth! Technology can help you keep in touch face to face (so to speak). If you are in France he should be able to jet over to see you at least once if not more times. What a great excuse to visit Europe for him