Daycare cold feet

so, beyond the finances,
my concern is dicipline .

Jillian.. truthfully .. is essentially free of that right now.

We have made her play room and bedroom free of safety issues and she has free run.
There is nothing much that she cant do freely.
She doesnt have a rule of " take one toy out , or put one away " before picking another one, or similar rules like that.

it really is a baby zone in her play room.

should I start to encorporate some of the rules of THAT place at home first? So it isnt such a shock?
should i just let THEM be the introduction to these kinds of small rules?

Hmmm... I think either would be fine. I'm sure they're used to it, introducing these concepts and enforcing them. It might be more complicated/ confusing for her if you introduce some rules and then their rules are actually a little different; might be simpler if you just carry on as-is at home.

There will always be some kind of disparity between home rules and not-home rules, so that won't necessarily be a big deal.

so, do you think, even after she starts there.. it would be a good idea to keep home as is?

or more beneficial to bring home some of the class room rules?

I guess it depends on what rules.

I'd find out what the rules are, first, to begin with (maybe you already do). What I was getting at is, it would be more confusing for her to go from how things are now, to new rules at home, to OTHER rules at daycare, that to go straight from home rules to daycare rules.

I think that simplicity is good in this whole transition, so I think I lean towards just keeping everything at home the same until she starts. She may WANT to import some rules once she starts (sozlet did that, "well at my class we..."), but my main point is that home rules and daycare/ school rules will always have their differences, and kids are able to deal with that well.

Shewolf--

Home rules are home rules, school rules are school rules.

Every family dog I've had knows that at home they can sleep on the furniture and when visiting they aren't allowed to. Seaside is seaside. Mountains is mountains. There are seaside rules and mountain rules--and smart kids.

that makes sense. Keeping home 'home'.

makes more sense then trying to turn home into partial day care , by bringing in class room rules.


When I get to the core of my anxiety, truthfully.. it is being worried about how she compares.
No parent wants to be the one whos child is the 'terror' , or any other specific title.

Im worried how she will do.
Im worried how they will respond.
Im worried about if I will look bad as a parent because of how she behaves.

Im not saying she is bad. In fact, in comparison, I have it pretty easy watching other kids , and the kids in her playgroup.
She is very easy going and has no problem just playing by herself.
She is very quick.. sometimes smarter then I think.
She has tantrums..but what 2 year old doesnt?

but i still feel that anxiety of being judged, and a touch of fear in the idea that she may be 'behind'...

if that makes sense.

I agree with Noddy and Sozobe. Do not change "Home". Home should be home.. comfortable. Rules will differ from place to place. There will be more set of rules when she starts going to school but they are school rules. As long as she is not doing anything (which does n't sound like it) which is way out of control, she'd be fine. And your worrying is OK.. you are a Mom

Is she used to be around with so many kids at the same time? What is the age group of the kids she would be with? Will there be any more settling-in kids or babies? If so, then it may add up to her anxiety by seeing so many crying kids around.

Ask if they would allow you to visit them with jillian for a few hours for few days. If they allow, nothing like it. It will give you sometime to evaluate how they function and Jillian some time to get to know the faces. Don't have to be too long though because when you start leaving her alone she will still suffer separation anxiety. It is only common.

Do not contemplate a mid-day visit. Many daycares do not encourage. It confuses the kid and even though it will be a mid-day visit, Jillian will still not let go off you. So the whole morning episode will run again. But it is ok to start with smaller periods of time. First 2 days for an hour. Then another 4 days for half a day. If she cries incessantly during these first few days, try to reduce the period of time. Always be prepared to pick her back up if the crying goes out of control. Also never sneek out while leaving her. Give a hug and remember to say bye. Tell her what time you will be back. Keep it short. Do not hang around for too long. If required, call the daycare right after you get to work and find out if Jillian has settled in. Oh and during this settling time make sure you spend a lot of quality time at home to get over her insecurities/fear while at daycare.

You may face one more issue with picking her up early. Children get manipulative. If she gets the hint that she will be picked whenever she cries, she may start using it very often. So be on guard.

I am so glad the finances settled for you. Good luck and keep us updated on how she is settling down.

Edit: shewolf.. please ignore the tone of the 4th paragraph. I was trying to write too much text in little time. Now that I read it, it is sounding very commanding. It is not meant in that way.

you were not commanding at all.
In fact, you too are making perfect sense.

I tend to over think and try to make things more complicated then they need to be when it comes to Bean.

I know it isnt recommended to make mid day visits. Mostly because, at a day care, when the child has been there for a while, they get used to leaving when a parent arrives.
To show up for a visit with out the usual departure , for the child, that is a bit devistating.

Tomorrow we tour the day care.

any specifics I should look out for besides the obvious things?

any tips?

Wear a gas mask.

I'm a little late to the discussion but can totally empathize with the fear of being judged for your parenting. This is the first time that someone else, someone you don't know, will be in your parenting universe (big assumption by me) and it's completely natural to wonder what they think.

I've found that most daycare personal are super understanding about parenting and can be great resources. While touring the facility, look for cleanliness, unsupervised kids, where and how they nap, etc... But mostly, trust your overall feeling. I know when I go to my daughter's preschool/daycare I feel really secure about leaving her there because it's clean, the people are friendly, the teachers appear to actually enjoy being around kids, they put up pictures of the kids on their room doors (implying a sort of permanence, or at least a long term relationship with the child), that sort of thing. It all comes together to give me the impression of a very nice facility.

Good luck, and good for you, shewolf. I hope it all goes well and that the bean enjoys it and that you enjoy your time to yourself to do whatever you choose to do.

I forget the letters of the acronym, but ask if they are "Nay-See" accredited.

Check the playscape for protruding bolts.

Check if they toys are cleaned regularly, and how (bleach water is what was used where T worked).

What's the ratio of caregivers to children?

{may think of more later}

Oh yeah, NAEYC, I think? That doesn't look right.

you are absolutely right. Noone aside from hubby and MIL ( and a few minutes when she is here MY mom ) have ever watched Jillian.

I like your wording.. because parenting her is my , and Ians domain.
now we have to add 2? 3? 5? 7? other people??

i worry about how people will perceive Jillian at a park..
multiply that feeling by 10,000 and thats how I feel about the day care.

I like the ideas of pictures and other small trinkets on the doors of the kids.
It sounds like you have a great day care.

i have not even toured another day care center , so I have nothing to compare to.

My gut will be my deciding answer, though im still nervous

I think you will get over that feeling of worrying what others think of her and of your job of parenting her. You just have to trust yourself. You are a good mother, she's a great kid. And if she doesn't act exactly how you hoped at any given time (says me who has trouble with this) it's just because she's a kid, and most people understand that. And the ones who don't are not the ones whose opinions you value.

You'll see. After her first day, they'll do one or more of the following.

1) Tell you how great she did.
2) Ask her if it's normal for her to <insert>. Caregivers often try to figure out a kids typical behaviours so they can interpret there actions. Is she normally tired at this time of day, etc...
3) Tell you a funny story about something she did or said that day.

It'll make you very proud.

oohh.. didnt EVEN think of that one..

thank you!


I am going to make note pad list of what to ask

Let Bean hold your hand, but don't grab on to her hand and refuse to let go.

Admit that your child is a monster, everyone else does a better job of parenting, is appalled at the job you've done, and is laughing at you behind your back.

It's very freeing.

That works too.

i just got off of the phone with them

Our interview is scheduled tomorrow morning at 9 am

and our price is 280 dollars more then it should be.

Im not sure we can even do this. So I might get to put off this anxiety for later.
Hopefully not..

but, at 580 a month, we cant do it.

At the end of it all, when all bills are paid, and we have grocery money set aside, we only have 400 left.
we will have to eat cheap
no gas money
in order to do this.

After the first month, I am hoping to have many more clients under my belt and i can make up this diffrence. but

any way
this opens a whole other can of worms here..