Son gets bullied all the time

Why does the day care staff allow this sort of thing to happen?

Go in there and tell the day care staff that it is their responsibility to keep your son from being attacked OR teased.

Try to maintain a non-combative tone.

Tell them that this kind of childhood can ruin a person's life and there is NOTHING that you won't do to prevent that from happening to your child.

Tell them you are giving them the opportunity to take care of this, since it is possible they hadn't known about it.

Tell them the next time your son comes home with a mark on him, you will call th Dept of Children and Family Services and or the accrediting agency that reviews their license.

These ******* people act like there is something sacred about Survival of the Fittest, and they make their contributions. Bitches. I can't tell you how many times I've seen teachers look the other way.

The children are scared that the bullies will get madder if you say something, but your son's too young o worry about it.

Be prepared to have to speak to parents and even take measures against them--but you can't let it go.

It will make your child someone he doesn't have to be.

Kick ASS!

Lash- I think that dealing with the Day Care Center is only a very small part of the problem. My kid brother had the same problem when he was little. Because he was so passive he was picked on by the kids, when he was about the same age as LoveMyFamily's son. In fact I remember two bullies on the block that used to harass him. One of them was younger and smaller than my brother.

Anyway, at the time my parents sent him to different nursery schools, kindergartens and grade schools. The story was the same everywhere. No matter where he went he was the one who was bullied. Obviously, there was something in his personality and demeanor that elicited the bullying response from the other children.

LoveMyFamily- I think that you need to deal with this immediately, before the bullying becomes a fixed part of your son's existence. A talk with a child psychologist may help. Also, you might want to see if there is a martial arts school in the area that will take someone as young as your son. Martial arts teach kids to have confidence in themselves. Good luck!

Gus and Lash.. I guess they the daycare staff has turned slack and I can talk to them. But the basic problem lies somewhere else like Phoenix mentioned. It is my son's ability to attract the bullies and his inability to retaliate.

I am concerned.. will this affect his self esteem?

Phoenix I would like to know what helped your brother to get out that. Do you feel it affected him in a negative way? How long did he have to deal with this until the bullying stopped. Your answers will really help me. Thankyou.

almost assuredly LMF if it continues unabated.

Don't you think it already has?

Absolutely. You need to help your son break his patten of behaving, before the bullying becomes an integral part of his existence. That is why I suggested a child psychologist.

My parents were not very sophisticated in those days. He did get to see a psychologist in his teens. He was really a lost soul, floundering around from one thing to another until his late 20's. He finally settled down, went to grad school, and found a profession that really interested him.

At school, he met a great woman who was crazy for him, and they have a wonderful and successful life together. He really "did not come into his own" until he was about 30.

I think that a lot of the misery that he went through could have been avoided if he had gotten help when he was younger.

Hmmm. Luckily, at the age of four, the bullying hasn't turned to outright violence yet (I hope). So there's still time. This is really tough because the prevailing wisdom is that we teach children to tell the teacher when something like this happens. Of course, if your son did that he would be branded a tattle tale and become ostracized. You can teach him to use strong words. If he says, loud enough for the teacher to hear "I don't like it when you snatch things from me" or "it makes me angry when you <insert mean thing here>" then it should bring it to the teacher's attention and let the bully know that he's not inclined to take it. I really don't see any option except to teach him to assert himself. This comes naturally to some kids but not so naturally to others.

I remember once ordering my son to hit his sister -- I know that sounds rash. They were both in the back of the car (where I couldn't reach them) and she was pinching him, hard, and wouldn't stop and he was just crying. I told him, I can't help you, you need to hit her to make her stop. He was shocked that he would be allowed to, but he did it and she cried but she stopped. I just don't know what else I (or he) could've done in that situation. It is a fine line but the current, tentative, rule is that they may hit someone in order to make that person stop hurting them, but not in any other situation. If the kids in your son's class are actually hurting him, maybe he needs to know that he's allowed to do something to stop it.

Practically speaking, in addition to bringing the issue up to the daycare, I would suggest a martial arts class. This will help both his self-esteem and give him the ability to fight back.

How can I figure that out. He seems to be a happy kid all the time. But he has this cligyness with me as well. He is still a Mommy boy which I am desperately trying to wean him out of. Would you consider as a sign of dampened self-esteem?

Phoenix thank you for the detailed response.

Blacksmith and Phoenix.. yes Martial Arts.. I was just talking to my husband about that. He is surely interested.

Check this out:

http://childrentoday.com/resources/articles/martialarts.htm

You want a school that teaches self confidence and discipline, not a place to learn to fight. He is much too young for that.

Yes, exactly. But with self confidence and discipline also comes the ability to defend himself.

Martial Arts have done wonders for our son, LMF. It has given him the ability to concentrate, a safe outlet for boyish aggression, reinforced his self-confidence...oh, I could go on and on. He is 12 now and has his black belt.

He started when he was in 2nd grade, but most schools start younger. Look for one that has a lot of experience with young children, and observe a session or two before signing up. Look for a school that makes it fun as well as a matter of discipline...it will keep him interested.

Thanks eva. Now the biggest challenges would be to get the right martial arts class in and around my locality. I will also have to look out for good timings. I work full time so I need to make time out of my office schedule to accomodate his timings.

Do you think there are other activities or sports that also helps in enhancing self-esteem and confidence. I am looking out for more options.

Most martial arts classes are in the evenings and on Saturdays because most parents work full-time. I don't think that will be a problem, LMF.

All sports have the ability to enhance self-esteem, but if they are competitive they run the risk of making a less-athletic child feel less confident. That's what has made martial arts different...he will be competing with himself, not others. And there is the accompanying values education...honesty, persistence, self-control, leadership, etc.

My son has participated in several team sports, and they have been positive experiences. But none has done him as much good as martial arts. Not even close.

This is very interesting.

I hate to say this but my kid is a bully. (He even goes through spells where he bullies me.) I am constantly amazed at the slack that people cut him - especially people who know his history (long story).

I come down wicked mad when I see him bully only to have other parents say things like "Oh he's all boy isn't he?" and other such nonsense.


People have suggested martial arts to us too, as a path to discipline and impulse control.

Interesting.

Perhaps the beauty of martial arts is that it can provide a common ground.

I feel for you LMF and it is cool that you are taking this seriously.

Perhaps some kind of parent meeting at the school is in order -- some place to air this out without making accusations. There might be parents like me out there who would really like to know what their kids are up to.

When your son reaches school age, I heartily recommend Scouting as well.