Not that anything would have been said in a bad way, but perhaps Mo saw the paperwork being filled out, asked about it and was told it had to do with the adoption.
Like others here have said, I'm no expert, but it sounds like he might be having some anxiety over the adoption / questioning his identity / wishing he could be like "normal" kids with real moms and dads, etc.
I know from experience that you will handle it just fine. Stay calm. Provide lots of reassurance. Continue to be open to him exploring his name. You might tell him about when you and Mr. B got married and how you used to have a different last name, too.
We decided to take a fun day today and treated our neighbors to the zoo (aka "our gym"). Going to the gym really helped my mental outlook..... perhaps because I got a few minutes where I didn't have to deal.
Right now the paperwork doesn't really have anything to do with the adoption - it has to do with health history. When I take him to the doctor I get the "is there any history of blahblahblah" and I always have to check. The health history is something to keep in his medical files so that we know his genetic predisposition to certain problems.
The whole concept of family and adoption isn't something that we've ever really discussed. He's lived here since he was one year old - almost two, but very small nevertheless.
Maybe I'm wrong to not try to find ways to address this?
I think this is Mo's "normal". In fact, this normal is way more normal than most of his bio-families normal. He isn't around many other kids at this point so I'm not sure he knows what their "normal" is and how his might be any different.
I'm thinking......
Maybe I could use Noddy's "Mo Smith" thing to kind of press for a converstaion then use Squinney's "I used to be J----- and I married Mr. B and I changed my name to B----- because we became a family....."
Right now for some reason Mo is really interested in weddings. He wanted to know what kind of dress Mr. B wore when we got married. I explained that Mr. B didn't wear a dress. Later he asked Mr. B is he got married naked.
Kids!
He's how old now? 4? 5?
Kids at about five seem to go through a big sorting out family, and if theirs is "normal", phase......you know, kids in single mum families start to be very conscious of not living with, or having, a daddy....and get desperate about it.
Mo's family is a little complex, to say the least!
The marriage thing is almost enough to make you believe in Freud...he would say Mo is going through his Oedipal phase...when he is dealing with his incestuous longing for you, and getting worried Mr B is gonna castrate him for his sinful marriage breaking desires! I think Dr F would say Mo had a go at preemptively castrating Mr B by popping him in a dress.
Got a lot of get up and go, that Mo!
(Don't completely trust me on the abstrusities of Dr F...I think he had a couple of brilliant insights, the rest I prefer t oleave alone.)
Now, Mo's marriage to his bio mum broke down pretty early, no wonder he is thinking about such stuff!
dlowan. YOU are now cracking my bones.
Freud! It's FREUD!!!!!
Lol!!!!!
Could it be that the bedwetting, which most doctors will say is normal until 7 years old, prompted Mo to think you would be mad at him and send him away? Maybe this whole analyzing his family tree is his way of finding that out?
Just a thought.
My response to bedwetting is "accidents happen". This is one thing that I truly know not to make a big deal over -- I have a good friend whose 9 year old son is a daily bedwetter and I benefit from his years and years of experience.
In my super-non-expert opinion:
Mo sounds like a smart little boy who is trying to figure out how all these people in his life fit in and create a unit that makes sense in his world...and how he figures into the whole deal.
That's quite a complicated thing to try and figure out. With Mo's history, it would seem downright weird if he didn't have some anxiety about it. But he sure seems to be doing very well, all in all!
I am so glad Mo has you, and you have Mo. You seem like a such a perfect fit. Makes me smile everytime.
I agree.
I've said this a few times in the context of several of the conversations here about homosexuality, that "normal" families are just in the ether. Even if he doesn't know that many of them personally, they're in books, they're on TV, they're in movies, they're everywhere.
And I've definitely seen what dlowan mentions, the 4-5 developmental thing about normality. With sozlet, it was the whole gender role thing -- boys like Star Wars, girls like Barbie, so she shouldn't like Star Wars... right?
That was also an ether thing rather than what she saw IRL.
That damned "ether" really pees me off! I know exactly what you mean by it, too.
WHERE is it from? TV? That is exactly why shows like the maple syrup mums are so good, and the moral panic thingy against them so wrong....how many chances do kids get to see stuff that reflects a non-saccharine and non-fifty-years-ago dreamscape?
While we are on it, WHERE do little gender dysmorphic boys...still pretty much in nappies...get these fully blown "drag queen" character they trot out at the drop of a tutu? Where do they see it?
perhaps they all watch "The Footy SHow"!!!!!!!!!!
I'll pipe in with wee qualms about auntie T around adoption time. Seem to remember past visits and their repercussions.
Not that I don't think auntie T should see him, I guess I think working stuff out is good (not that I know.)
on Freud, I was surrounded by Freudians, no one dared sniff but be taken for a fool for many ears, er, I mean, years.
TV has to be a big part of the ether, but it doesn't seem to be the only part. I've had conversations with friends who don't let their kids watch ANY TV, ever, and don't display it (whatever "it" may be) in real life and still this stuff pops out...
margo wrote:perhaps they all watch "The Footy SHow"!!!!!!!!!!
Margo I understood that even if the others cant.
do footballers in the US crossdress or is it a peculiar Aussie thing.
I know it is almost impossible to keep Aussie men out of frocks.
boomerang wrote:My response to bedwetting is "accidents happen". This is one thing that I truly know not to make a big deal over -- I have a good friend whose 9 year old son is a daily bedwetter and I benefit from his years and years of experience.
The only reason I brought it up is to get you thinking about other reasons why Mo might be doing what he's doing. I wonder if sometinmes it's assumed that Mo's family issues are the cause of all his acting out. Kids without those kinds of issues act weird too. That's all.
Excellent point, Swimpy.
Really, really good point.
