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Tue 11 Apr, 2006 06:37 pm
*"Cracking my bones" is Mospeak for freaking me out.
Okay.
Maybe if I write this out I will quit alternating between sadness and angst.
So here it goes.
Today Mo marches up to me and announces "My name is Mo Smith**"
**"Smith" being the real fake name of his bio-dad.
I said "That's riiiiiiiight".
Then he goes on to tell me that I am his "grandmother" and that he wants his "real" dad to go back to his other mom and that he wants to live with other mom and Rick***. He explains to me that ""Grandma P" has a son and that boy is his dad."
***Rick being the name of other mom's newish boyfriend.
I said "Hmmmmm. What brings this up today?" and he refuses to talk to me. He marchs back off and will not be engaged.
I go and sit down in the room where he is playing and don't say anything for a bit then say "You know, you can talk to me about anything. I would kind of like to know what is going on."
He comes over, sits down in my lap, snuggles in and says "I don't know."
So we just sit that way for a bit and I remind him that I will always want him to be my friend.
Later he is all hugs and kisses and clinging and "I love you"s and even later he says he's sick and needs to take a nap. And he does.
All of this, all of this whole day, comes after our morning started with him wetting the bed -- something he hasn't done in a long time.
************************************************************
The last bio-family that he has had any contact with was on April 1 when Auntie T took him to the circus. They had a really good time and there was only the typical day after fallout.
Two weeks before that he spent the day with "Grandma P" -- this would have been mid-March.
The last time he saw any of them was in mid-January.
I really don't think Grandma P is behind this.
That leaves Auntie T.
Recently I gave Grandma P a health history to fill out for Mo's bio-family which she did and even went over it with me in detail.
I gave Auntie T one too - in a sealed envelope to drop off for Mo's other mom to fill out.
I'm thinking she perhaps opened the letter and decided to discuss things with Mo.
But could he have let this rest for 11 days before deciding to speak of it?
My bones are too cracked to even process what went on today.
Any insight appreciated!
wow, nothing to say,
mo is very lucky to have you in his life, and i would hazard to guess, even with the stress, the opposite is equally true
I do indeed think he could have sat on it for 11 days. That's not saying I think Auntie T said anything......
11 days later and maybe whatever might have been discussed with him led to the bed-wetting too... Bad dreams??
Maybe he just needed your reassurances that you'd be there...
Boomer, some day you should write a book!
Yes, it can happen, boomerang. Sometimes questions and
statements come up months after an incident occurred.
You won't even find out what triggered the behavior, it just
happens. Take it matter of factly as it arises, and don't
make a big deal of it.
Boomer, a word of caution re child analysis. I was a bed wetter until I was 8 or 9 yrs old. My fathers explantion was that I was coddled and over-protected by my mother, the Doc explained that I was reacting to the stress of watching my 4 yr old brother drown when I was 3. When I was 31, after extensive tests it was discovered that I had a congenital kidney/blatter defect. My younger brother was a child arsonist, always playing with matches and chemicals which resulted in numerous conclusions about his psyche. He became a aero-space engineer, he was a science-curious person.
When Mo grows up and learns about this site, if he ever reads what you've posted here over the years--he will murder you, plain and simple.
I do feel better having spilled and read.
Dys... man.... oh...... wow.....
Thanks and hugs and sleep be upon me.
Setanta - that is SO NOT funny because I kind worry about that ****. If I didn't know you any better I'd..... I'd..... something.
I don't really know what happened. Like CJane says - sometimes the weirdness comes along far after the fact and I'm left dazed.
Mr. B just got home and I gave him the big heads up thing so that he won't be caught as unaware as I was should this stuff come up with him. Mr. B has dealt with dysfunction so he doesn't get as.... as.... as.... sweaty?.... as I do about this stuff.
I really did try to make it "no big deal" but it was obviously some kind of "deal" for Mo. I don't want to be dismissive when he approaches me with this stuff but, you know, some kind of frikken warning would be nice.
One thing I seem to remember (but it's fuzzy) when I was researching the attachment disorder stuff is that the more secure the kid feels, the more stuff comes out. Like, the stuff is just there, but it doesn't come out in one, easily-analyzable glob; it comes out in bits and pieces. And that the opposite kind of trigger than what you'd expect can start it -- as in, not something bad, but something GOOD. The kid feels safe and able to deal, so out it comes...
(Awesome phrase btw [the title].)
boomerang wrote:...but, you know, some kind of frikken warning would be nice.
<ROFL!>
I say that about once a week, and our life is as good as it gets!
Parents NEVER get a decent warning! (Didn't somebody tell you?...Sorry, I guess it's up to me then.)
I may have to start using the phrase, myself!
11 days sounds fine to me.
I am wondering if he unconsciously sort of mulled...then had a dream/nightmare, hence the bed....and out it came, in an odd form.
Better out than in.
BTW Dys, Mo doesn't usually wet the bed, so for him I suspect a wet bed is usually a sign of summat uncomfortable on the boil.
I wonder what the mechanism of that is, it is so common?
Mebbe just usual fear reaction happening in sleep?
Quote:But could he have let this rest for 11 days before deciding to speak of it?
my son often came out with "stuff" ages after the event.
I would look at "the bride" and go
where did that come from?
Sounds like he had an anxiety dream of some sort, hence the bed-wetting, perhaps while processing some stuff from earlier.
Do you talk to him about his dreams? Anyway, the bed-wetting, actually, that sounds like it might be the clue, right there.
He wet the bed again last night
<sigh>
and started the day off in a "do you remember when...." mode.
The bed wetting goes in cycles but we have been off cycle for quite a while now. Having it start again is a little alaming.
I don't want to be quick to think Auntie T did anything or said anything and if she did I don't think it was malicious. THAT family is having a bit of weirdness regarding parent/child and other relationships right now (I need to update the "Mary" thread) so I see how the whole "family relationship" thing might have come up.
The "My name is Mo Smith" thing is really weird. When we have our safety type talks he knows that my last name is B----- ("My name is Mo and I live with X and Y B---- in City) and he usually insists on calling himself Mo Smith B---- (which will probably be his name once the adoption is final).
I don't know....
(wish I did).
Bedwetting is babyish--perhaps he feels babyish and helpless? Then in his waking hours he's trying to understand.
Have you tried addressing him through the day as "Mo Smith"? If he doesn't like it, you can explain that some people have names they need not use.
I'm no expert at all here, but my instinctual reaction to what you're writing here is to just to ride it out like you've been doing. He's got stuff he wants to say, probably just to work it out in his little head. I'm not sure what else you can do besides listen, like you have been.
Hang in there boomer.
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