No Sex

Decreased sex drive after the birth of a child is very common, for a lot of reasons.

How old is your son?

The doc told me that most likely Depo wouldn't affect my sex drive, but mine went waaaaay down on it. She still insisted it was most likely an emotional issue and not the shot. However, online I found one statistic saying that up to 33% of women have a lowered sex drive while on hormonal birth control. So it seem like it's a possibility to me.

But you also mention she thinks the change started when your son was born, and it's well documented that most people's sex lives suffer after the birth of a child, for a variety of reasons. How long ago was your son born? I know that some women take a long time after childbirth to be interested in sex again. There are also factors like being tired from all the extra work of taking care of an infant, etc. Then there can be psychological issues, like having a hard time beng a mom part of the time and then having to "switch on" the sexual being part of you again. So that seems like something to discuss with her, if she feels it's related to having a child.

Back to the shot thing for a moment: I stopped using any form of hrmonal birth control two months ago, and it's too soon to be able to tell if it will help with the sex drive thing because my cycle isn't back to normal yet, but as soon as I was off of it, I realized it had been affecting me in other ways (mood) that I hadn't been aware of. I firmly believe it can be really messing with you and you might not even know it. I'm fairly certain it will turn out to be the reason why my sex drive has been so screwed up, too, because I have noticed a small improvement so far. So you may be right to wonder about that factor too.

Our son is 2 1/2

Re: No Sex


Condoms.

She has to want to fix the problem. I think it's a combination of having a small child and definitely the birth control method. Ask her switch to a diaphram to start. She also should speak to her doctor about using a testosterone cream to increase her sex drive. If don't want anymore children get a vasectomy. I think a little couple counseling should also be considered to get you both on the same page, so to speak.

And it sounds like this is another one where either the pregnancy happened immediately after marriage or was the reason for the marriage -- that carries its own risks.

Speaking from experience on taking the shot

I absolutly lost my sex drive after a few months of that shot.
I could not enjoy sex, it was painful.
I could not get into the mood physically.. it effected my hormones that bad.
I would spend days in bed because my hips hurt from getting the shot.

it was a terrible experience for me. And could be what is happening to your wife.

But there are always other things to consider.

I don't know if she wants to fix the problem, she says she does but does nothing about it. I just don't like the fact that she doesn't even like me to touch her sometimes, only when it is good for her (not too often). Sometimes she will say maybe later but she either forgets or falls asleep on the couch. Thats another thing, she falls asleep on the couch every night at around 8pm. I know she may be tired from work but I usually get up earlier than her to get our son breakfast and off to school then go to work then I pick him up from school on my way home from work.

When it comes to taking care of our son I am the one that does most of the work. Its partly because she doesn't take initiave and that he always wants me. He has even told me that he doesn't like her but i know he does. She doesn't seem to have any patience with him, he feeds off of her anger and it gets her more mad. When I try to give her advise about it she says I am telling her what to do.

Sounds like depression might be in the mix, too.

Definitely sounds like there is a lot going on with your wife, sdl725, therapy could be beneficial for everyone.

Respect to you for stepping up and taking care of your son when he needs it.

At this point I would consider leaving her but I want my son with me. I know that the woman usually gets the kid but I want him with me.

Lots of steps before leaving. Therapy/ counseling could do wonders. It sounds very possible that just getting her hormonal balance right could do wonders, too. There are things to work on that are quite possibly fixable -- just need to get started.

All I really care about is my son and his well being

I guess there other things that bother me too about her and this is just 1 thing that I picked out. My son is my 1 main concern in life and the last thing that I would want would be for her and her family to raise him.

So it's starting to sound like you aren't really sure you want to work on things, is that right? Because your only response to the suggestions seems to be listing more problems with her, which sounds kind of like you're talking yourself into giving up more than anything else.

It seems to me if you want to work on it, the starting point really needs to be either her or both of you getting some counseling...are you considering that or no?