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Fri 24 Mar, 2006 01:50 am
Hey all, I know its been forever since I have been on. A lot of crazy things have been going on in my life. But the most recent was just this evening at dinner.
There were 6 of us at dinner tonight, two of which was my husband, who was sitting next to me, and I, one was a good friend, another was an old friend visiting from Mississippi, and the other two were twin brothers, one of which I have met a few times before and the other I have never met. We had been there for quite some time, drinking, laughing, catching up on old times. I was the only girl at the table. We had been there about an hour and I decided to get up to use the restroom. When I came back out everyone at the table was gone, including my things. I looked to my left and standing there was the one guy at the table who I had never met before. He was standing there holding my purse, my jacket, and my box of food. I thanked him for being such a gentleman and asked him where my husband went. He told me that they had taken off. I was a little bit pissed off because this poor guy who I had never met before in my life was kind enough to take care of my things while I was in the restroom while my husband messed around with the boys outside. And to top it off, when I got out side, he helped me into my jacket!
When I thanked my husband (sarcastically of course) for taking care of my things for me, he told me he didn't even know I had anything with me, even though he was sitting right next to me. I swear its as if he was born blind to all other people around him. I can't tell you how many times I have tried following him into places and he lets the door slam in my face.
That's "a" husband you are talking about K. Once married some tend to loosen up a bit and start taking things for granted. Very common. Sometimes a tap is all that's needed. Don't nag about not paying attention but tell him what you want him to do when you leave for the restroom next time. Also tell him to hold the door open until you entered or else get yourself covered under his insurance
LoveMyFamily wrote:Also tell him to hold the door open until you entered or else get yourself covered under his insurance
Lol...good one. Unfortunatly I guess it's my fault because he was like this before I married him. I think the only reason I was upset was the fact that I saw two men in comparison at the same time and it opened my eyes a little bit. It made me think to myself, "hey, here is this guy acting very gentlemenlike, how come my husband can't pick up on that?" Anyway, I didn't nag him about it, I just kinda told him that it made me a little bit dissapointed, and that I shouldn't have to ask him to watch my things, it should be something he should like out for. God knows how many times he's walked away and left his sunglasses sitting on the table that I look back for and pick up.
Kitkat - I think you said it all when you said he was like this before you married him....you expected him to change now?
Hey, I remember you from a while back.....the having babies disagreement and him getting the giggles during romantic moments.
It sounds like you didn't know anything about this guy when you married him.
Maybe the guy who held your jacket is available.
Chai Tea wrote:
Maybe the guy who held your jacket is available.
Good point...I guess I'll have to look into that one.
We have been working on the sex thing and it seems to be getting worse. I will post another thread about it because it is a really big issue.
Oh brother! He was like this BEFORE you married him and you expected what? The Marriage Fairy to swipe him with Magic Consideration Dust and turn him into something better than a lout?
I hate to say this, because I would never act so carelessly boorish myself, but can't fault him for being himself. You knew what you were marrying. Why be put out that you got it?
I'm not saying this to be mean or clever at your expense. I'm genuinely puzzled by this phenomenon in some women and I just have never been able to understand it.
blacksmithn wrote:Oh brother! He was like this BEFORE you married him and you expected what? The Marriage Fairy to swipe him with Magic Consideration Dust and turn him into something better than a lout?
Ok fair enough....but I do have a question. Is it wrong to want to change things about our men? That's what women do, we subconsiously try and sculpt our men into what we want them to be with out even knowing we are doing it sometimes. I know they say that chivalry is dead, but come on! I am not the type of girl who needs my chair pushed in for me or the car door closed for me or for guys to stand when I enter a room. But it's just common curtosy, if not for me, at least for other people.
For example, we were at an Olive Garden and we had just finished our meal and were leaving. There was a family in front of us leaving and the older male was holding the door for them. The man stayed there holding the door waiting for me to reach him and for my husband to take over, and instead of my husband taking the door from this nice gentleman, he walks on through like he was royalty or something. Then the guy said something to him that I have never heard someone say to anyone. He looked right at my husband as he was walking away and said, "You were supposed to hold the door..." Of course my husband didn't hear him but I made sure he heard it from me.
Quote:Is it wrong to want to change things about our men?
Yes.
OK, real answer -- to want to, maybe. To not be able to live with the result of an
unchanged man, yes.
I share blacksmithn's exasperation there, though I see it in men, too.
I don't buy a Mazda hoping to change it into a Mercedes once I get it home . I might add a sunroof or upgrade the stereo, but I recognize that the underlying fundamental nature of the car won't change no matter what I do or what I might wish.
The same logic holds true for relationships. In this case, it seems that you knew what you were buying, but you closed your eyes, held your nose and bought anyway. I just don't "get" complaining about what you brought home when none of it comes as any surprise.
And yes, men are guilty of this same kind of behavior.
Bingo.
People do change and mature and grow together or apart but active sculpting doesn't do squat, and if someone is that much of a project, they ain't worth it.
Sorry if that sounds blunt, but it's the truth.
I've always found it interesting that in Greek Mythology Pygmalion creates a beautiful statue and his love brings the statue to life.
On the other hand, Medusa turns her men to stone.
In the days of arranged marriages, parents distinguished between appearance and character. Now young folks are expected to evaluate prospective mates by themselves--or at least with no one else holding absolute veto power.
k, my dad is like your husband to some extent. He is always so oblivious of things around him. My dad would probably have done the same at the restaurant. I can understand how hard it would have been for my Mom. But she stayed put.. why.. because he was the best husband.
Because of this "oblivious to things around him" nature, he is always at peace, happy and cheerful. Nothing can upset him. He is bad in understanding un-stated things. But then that is his nature. He is the best husband and best father. He would miss the small things but he had this un-ending love for all of us. My mom always kept the bigger picture in mind.
So don't fret K. If your husband doesn't take your hints and messages, make sure you tell it out loud and make sure he understands what he hears.
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