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Mon 20 Mar, 2006 06:02 pm
First of all thanks for all the feedback I got the last time I used the site. Keep up the good work. Now on to my problem (or maybe not).
I just started a new relationship (Friday will be 2 months). The first month was wonderful. We both began to grow close and I haven't felt this way for a woman in a long time. The past couple of weeks have been very hard though. She has began to grow distant, and states that she doesn't know why, other than she is scared. Every time that we talk she is short and says she doesn't feel good or she is ill. I have tried to be patient. There are times she doesn't act that way, but it is only when she has her friends around, which makes me feel used.
We both have children and when we started this relationship it was under the understanding that we both wanted someone who could care for each other and potentially move forward in the relationship. Yet I have been put off the last couple of weekends for her friends (Ho's before Bro's as she would say). It is things like this that drive me crazy. After my last marriage I said I would never be put behind friends again. Don't get me wrong, having friends are very important, but to be shoved to the back at the last minute is just wrong.
I don't want to end our relationship, I care for her very much. But if she can't start acting like she wants the relationship, I don't want to continue on. Not very fair. Should I wait it out to see if things turn around or go ahead and cut my losses before I invest my feelings and my daughters too. I haven't confronted her on this for the fear of making her angry, maybe that is a mistake too.
Please help.......
Getting too serious too fast is definitely a relationship killer for most people.
While both of you, ideally, desire a committed, long-term relationship----THIS relationship is only two months old and you're smothering her and making demands on her time. She might not be seeing you as the "one." She might be seeing you as the "clinging, controlling, whining, time-monopolizing, insecure" one that perhaps she should run from.
If you can't be content to entertain yourself and use your time productively when you're NOT with her without feeling upset and neglected, then you're not ready for a committed relationship. You don't need to be joined at the hip. She has more going on in her life besides you. Give her space to be an individual and try not to make her feel guilty or smothered simply because she has other interests.
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