Lonley, scared and feeling a bit overwhelmed

Hello, slonie & a big welcome to A2K!

I can understand how you might be feeling a bit desperate in your circumstances: to suddenly find yourself in a new country without your family & friends can be very hard. But then to discover that your new husband is controlling about money, as well, could make you feel even worse. I'm certain that this is not the situation that you imagined you would find yourself in. Anyone would be lonely & confused in similar circumstances.

It's disappointing that your husband appears to lack sympathy & understanding of your feelings in this strange new situation for you. Have you tried to talk to him about it? How does he expect you to decorate your new home without any money to do so? Does he have any friends in your new community who he could introduce you too? So that you don't feel so isolated while he's away on business?

Regarding your new country: Could I ask where it is? Is the culture very different to what you're used to? Is there a sizeable English speaking community? If so, is there a possibility of you making some contacts & friends of your own? Say, special interest groups, volunteer work, etc... Anything to break down your isolation & loneliness & get you on your feet there.

Do you speak the language in the new country? If not, I'd suggest that now is the time to learn, as you will feel considerably less isolated if you have interactions with people. Just go out and take a class in whatever the native tongue is. There are plenty of people in your boat as there are in every country in the world.

Now, if you know the language, then the key is to have interactions with other people but it would not be via a language class. Does your daughter go to school? Is she playground age? You can go and meet other parents at activities for children, or at least meet caregivers. At this point, I suspect, adult conversation is a real need. If your daughter is already in school full-time, perhaps you can volunteer at her school. Most schools need parents who can drive kids or chaperone or paint signs or whatever.

If you don't want it all to be wrapped up in your daughter, there may be other classes you could take (there's usually something like pottery, cooking or the like) or other social situations. If your husband objects, tell him what you've told us -- that you're unhappy and isolated and need socialization outside of the family. You need to have friends of your own, and he should understand that.

Thank you
I so appreciate your responses to my current situation. I've moved from the US to Oslo, Norway, one of the most natually beautiful countries on the planet.I've traveled back and forth for a couple of years but visting a place and living in a place are two very different ball games.
I'd say that most of the younger generation speaks english with no problem. People are very cordial but only on the most superficial level. That deeper connection I fear will only come after a great deal of time has pass. Believe me I have plans for learning Norwegian asap! The current hold up again is the immigation process. I'm entitled to several hundrend hours although I have to wait until I receieve my resident number. I've also taken steps to join any American club, organization, ect. I can find. Meetings are once a month the first being tomorrow, so I'm very excited at the thought!

I have to say just being able to talk over the problem with a solution in mind has put my heart at ease. It seems like I'm heading in the right direction.

Thanks again;
Slonie

Excellent!

If you have access to yahoo home page, you can find many MANY internet groups of people who are in your area

or at least find some pen pals.. someone to give you some kind of human contact out side of the home.
Even if it is just in type.

I worked in a Norwegian company earlier. They are nice people though I found them to be much more reserved than the Americans and they are quite snobbish too.

Good luck. I loved Norway but then I was there for a very brief visit. The weather there might just be contributing to ur gloominess too...

I understand how you feel in one sense when I moved to another country
it took me 6 months to get used to it...but I soon made friends at work,
then discovered old friends I didnt even know lived there.

Good luck with your meeting!

Hi Slonie:

I'm sorry to hear about your situation! Boy, you did everything at once - married after a short courtship, moved, lost all your family, friends, job and money! Thank God for your daughter

You've gotten some excellent advice here and I would only add one thing - have you thought about volunteering? It's a lovely way to pass the time, you feel useful, you have somewhere to go, a reason to get up, and you will make friends or at least feel appreciated. You can also learn the language this way.

Good luck, Slonie! I hope things improve for you. Keep us posted.

Yes Sakhi!!! A little snobbish always comes to mind but my husband assures me it's just that there not use to foreigners.....great.

KiwiChic how did you cope during those initial months. I talk to a women yesterday regarding finding employment. When I think about how all my old friendships were created I realize it was either through work or school, never just walking down the street...opps!

Slonie-

Slonie--



In friendship, as in courtship, a girl has to kiss a lot of frogs. Perhaps you won't meet anyone at the playground, but you will at the local library. You can't work, but if you take a class or join a volunteer group, you have a chance of meeting congenial people who may become friends.

Not everyone you meet will become a friend, but unless you get out and about you'll never meet anyone.

Good luck.

Well I was scared like yourself, but I thought 'stuff it' other people manage to do this surely I can too....so when my partner had an appointment at the dentist, I was waiting in the waiting room for him, and I just got up and walked down to the end of the shopping mall went outside and saw this huge place similar to where I used to work in, and I went in and asked to see the manager and asked if he had any positions available for employment.

He said 'No'....then I stood there for 20 mins, with no C.V selling myself and my skills and what I can do...he then took down my phone number.
The next day I got a call to start work...I made friends there, then I quit after 6 months and just did the same thing again at another place I got that job as well.

I think you have to just get out there and overcome the 'scared' thing and think in your mind 'well, I have nothing to lose'...but the first few months were very lonely and my partner and I, with our work rosters only got 1 day off together in 8 days...but with my 2nd job things got much better.

I found that most of my friends were made through work, what about the wives of your husbands work colleagues? Surely your husband can do something in his power to get one of them to show you the ropes..without you feeling like a charity case. I mean you are in a new country and Im quite sure that they would understand....