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Wed 6 Nov, 2002 09:06 am
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and
says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "'Bout what?"
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Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is
carrying sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?"
"Jes' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they is, kin I
have one?"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!"
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An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed
next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over
here-muh house is on fahr!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shoot, don't you fellers still have them big red trucks?"
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Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18
or more?
Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.
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Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told
Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you
live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" After a long
pause, Bubba said,
"How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up
there?"
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Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to
32?
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
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What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?
Documentaries.
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Where was the toothbrush invented?
Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been
called a teethbrush.
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Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
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What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a
hurricane in Florida have in common?
No matter what, somebody's fixin' to
lose a trailer.
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Yer definitely a bad woman, P . . .
heeheeheeheehee
Feller walks inta a store in North Georgia an' asks fer a moonpie an' a RC
Feller behind the counter guffaws and says: "You must be from Alabama !"
First feller says: "Now wait a minit, suppose i ast ya fer some spagetti, would you think i was a eye-talian?"
"Dunnow, ain't never come up."
"Suppose i ast ya fer a polish sausage an' some sour-crout, would you think i was a Dutchman?"
"Dunnow, ain't never come up."
"Well, so how come when i ast ya fer a RC an' a moonpie, you ast was i from Alabama?!?!?"
"Well, first off, this is a hardware store . . ."
WARNING ! ! ! crude language . . . heeheeheeheehee . . .
Lady walks inta a country store in Virginia, an' tells the clerk she wants a half-gallon of chocolate ice cream.
"I'm sorry Ma'am, we're all out of chocolate ice . . ."
"Then i'll have two quarts of chocolate ice cream."
"Ma'am i don't have any choc . . ."
"Then i'll have four pints of chocolate ice cream."
"Ma'am, can you spell the straw in strawberry?"
"Why certainly, s-t-r-a-w."
"Can you spell the van in vanilla."
"Well, of course, v-a-n."
"Can you spell the **** in chocolate?"
"Well, i never . . . the is no **** in chocolate."
"Lady, i've tried and tried to tell you that."
State trooper is sittin' at the side of the road on the highway to Galveston-Freeport; heavy traffic, but everything's movin' along well--when along comes this bright yellow pick-up truck with three or four dozen penguins in the back. Trooper sighs, and pulls out, then pulls the truck over.
"Hey officer, how ya doin ?"
"I'm just fine, thank you. Are you aware that there are about 30 or 40 penguins in the back of your truck?"
"Yeah . . . yeah . . . i knew that."
"Well, don't you think you should take them to the zoo?"
"Say ! ! ! That's a great idea-r ! ! !"
Trooper just rolls his eyes and gets back in his cruiser.
Couple of days later, the same trooper is workin' the same stretch of road, and traffic is heavy but smooth, when along comes the same bright yellow pickup (no mistaking it) with 3 or 4 dozen penguins in the back, and they're all wearin' little, tiny sunglasses. The trooper pulls the truck over.
"Hey, officer, ah 'member you, how ya doin ?"
"I'm just fine, thanks--i thought i told you to take those penguins to the zoo."
"Ah did, ah did--an' we had such a big time, taday we're goin' to the beach ! ! !"
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