I wish I could talk to my mom about well, anything. She doesn't like to talk about the past at all. It's like she has erased it from her mind. Even the good things.
A friend of mine who collects Barbies got me thinking about the beautiful clothes my mom used to make my Barbie Doll. I never really knew the kind of work and effort that went into making tiny doll clothes. I realized I had never really thanked her and wanted her to know how much it meant to me that she did that for me.
She emailed me back. She said, "I have to get up early tomorrow.....luv ya........ma"
That's my mom. I love her.
I get a real sense of regret from so many of these posts.
In my case I struggle with knowing that my parents have the right to privacy about their lives and they did not grow up in an age where everything had to be hashed over and analyzed.
But I'm also very curious about how the dealt with a couple of things.
Sometimes I think I should mind my own business and other times I feel like I'll regret not asking.
Thank God, I can talk to my parents about anything, and do. We laugh a lot in our conversations. I think there's a lot of mutual respect and acceptance.
As far as advice, Dad tends to give "words of wisdom" while Mom tends to bounce "it" back to me and ask what I think before saying what she thinks.
I usually know which one to call depending on what kind of advice I need.
I'm bookmarking..if later I share, I'll have to be in the right frame of mind...my thoughts haven't been very well organized lately...don't seem to be able to get that deep into anything....
hep...I keep meaning to email you....it's not I don't want to....just not very communicative right now.
My mother was my closest, and often only, confidant. I could and did talk to her about anything and everything. She died a few years ago and I miss her greatly. She was like dag's mom, although not a professional counselor, she was almost always right in her assessment and advice.
My dad was more like sakhi's mother. I never discussed anything with him beyond questioning why he ever became a parent. Turns out he never wanted to be and supposedly wasn't able to father children due to a childhood illness. His disdain for us and the attention my mother gave us always bothered him. Thankfully, I had one fabulous parent.
my mum has alzheimers and is not sure who I am, my father has senile dementia and is not sure who he is, in the past 2 years I have spoken to my father once on the phone. Last week I got an email from him saying "we invaded Iraq and it's going to be a big mistake" I may stop by to see them next month. Of the four sons only meself and baby brother are still alive but I'm not sure either of my parents realize this.
That's rough, dys. Possibly more so on you than on them, depending on how unaware they are.
J_B wrote:That's rough, dys. Possibly more so on you than on them, depending on how unaware they are.
It used to be very difficult as I spent much of my life energy trying to "connect" until I finally gave up. My life is very pleasant now that I realize I can't "fix" anything for them.
The only subject I cannot talk to my parents about is relationships - specifically my issues with having relationships with men, and that is mainly MY block. I won't bring up the subject and I won't let them either. I guess, in my selfishness, I blame them for my inability to have a normal relationship. My mother was severly depressed and unhappy when we were children and was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive. I am ashamed to say I wished her dead when I was younger. She completely made my father cower and he was the silent, unavailable type back then. I intend never to marry and never to have children of my own. I know it is a result of my getting scared I will turn out anything like her and I simply lost all respect for marriage watching how my father treated her and she treated my father. Now I do realise I am a boob and my fears are all rubbish, but try getting past that block in me and I will scream bloody murder. Anyhoo, I will not discuss relationships with them.
Happily, in later years, my mom popped out of her depression and became a different woman and my dad opened up and found a personality. Today they delight me. I love them to pieces. I can call them on anything (except relationships) and ask their advice, laugh, joke, complain, cry, worry, whatever. I sometimes feel like a baby when I call my mom to whine about something and she will do the maternal equivalent of rubbing my back (over the phone) and give me a 'there there'. My dad has told us, several times, over the last 10 years how fabulously proud he is of his girls and we all cry, laugh and shout, who is this man, where did you find your voice, and now how do we get rid of you when we women want to gossip? He is worse than all five of us women combined! Okay that is an exaggeration, but he really has become yappy in his later years. This is how I would picture the perfect parents, as they are right now. Combined they are intelligent, funny, completely supportive, happy, proud, interested and so on.....
If I called my mom and told her I was fired from my job, she would be on the next plane to kick my bosses ass and take me out for my favorite chocolate dessert.
If I told my dad that I needed money to take a vacation with my other sisters, he would sell his car and send me the money, without a second thought!
Had I done, what I swore I was going to when I was a kid (leave home and never come back) I would have missed all this!
Glad to hear it, dys. I'm sure it wasn't any easy transition. My father died of dementia secondary to multiple myeloma. He was gone long before he died but was in limbo waiting for the disease to be done with his body. My mother said she felt guilty for not being overly sad when he passed away. It was simply that she had done her mourning all during the previous two years.
