Phoenix32890 wrote:
There are many men who are fearful of the state of their own sexuality. Those are the ones who are the "gay bashers". Secure, mature people are not threatened by another person's lifestyle.
I agree 100%. If I could just elaborate a little.
I think that most of the prejudice against homosexulality begin, at least for men, at early adolescence, just starting high school. I can remember that in high school one of the things I feared most was being called a 'fag' (sorry for the word but thats what they would say). I would have probably rather been called anything else. it is not that I had any feelings about homosexuality one way or the other. I just knew that if someone called you that, and someone else believed it, it could mean social death. In fact I think that this is most young men's introduction to homosexuality, as something negative, a label you don't want.
So what do you do in a situation like that, you make jokes, tell everyone how much you hate gays, and that that sort of thing disgusts you. Who could possibly label someone as gay who thinks and talks like that.
There is also a lot of payoff in terms of 'being one of the guys', it may seem silly, but to a teenager it is very important.
It's a bad habit and one that is hard to break. Even now that I am 'all grown up' I still sometimes catch myself thinking or saying " I don't want to do that. they will think I am gay", and I have nothing against homosexuals at all (I never really did).
I think if we want to end this awful prejudice once and for all, we will have to teach boys from a young age that sex is not just something that a mommy and a daddy do, or even a man and a woman. But that it is also something that some men do with men, some women do with women, and sometimes what a man does with his livestock. Ok maybe not the livestock. Then the first time they hear about homosexuality it wont be as something dirty or wrong but just something. It also wouldn't hurt to stop telling them that somethings are 'unmanly' or effeminate, let them decide for themselves.
As for adults who want to rid themselves of this habit. I think a little self reflection would not hurt. We all know how difficult and often frightening sex, love, dating can be. Now imagine that not only do you have to deal with the normal anxieties of rejection and not knowing just what to say. But for a gay man he also has to worry about social censure and in some cases if he makes a pass a non gay man, possible violence. It must take some real courage to face all that, and still find someone to love. And if courage is not considered a classical 'manly' virtue I don't know what is.
as for myself I think the final step may be to put on a pride t-shirt and go out there and march in the the next gay parade. If someone thinks that I am gay then fine. If someone calls me a fag, I'll just say "no I am not, but some of these guys are". I will probably chicken out and not go, old habits die hard. But if you are braver than me, give it a try. There is nothing wrong with marching in solidarity with your fellow man or woman for that matter. Just make sure to tell your new friends there that you didn't come here looking for men, it could save you from some awkward situations and heartbreak.
Finally if nothing else you could always fall back on the old tried and true "well at least they aren't hurting anyone" but tolerance is a poor substitute for understanding. But at least you won't be hurting anyone.
