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Fri 3 Mar, 2006 10:52 am
my ex and i lived together out of a car for the past year and half. that much time with someone brings you closer than you sometimes wish. by the end of our relationship, i was not in love with him anymore. he never made me feel like he truly loves and cares for me. i felt like he was taking me for granted. but i loved him with all my heart. i loved him becuase i knew him so well, because we had shared so much together.
to make a long story short, we just broke up on valentines day. i know this is for the best and i actually met someone amazing. he's like the prince charming that girls wish about all their lives. i'm so happy with this new guy, but i can't stop thinking about my ex. my feelings vary from never wanting to see him again to fantasies where we get back together and live happily ever after. i have not contacted him or spoken to him for 3 weeks and he hasn't either.
i'm really torn between contacting him and trying to develop somekind of friendship or just forgetting about him. i have no idea how couples go about htis since he was my first boyfriend. any advice?
Re: getting over that ex
anna211705 wrote:prince charming [...] fantasies [...] happily ever after.
I think it's dangerous to think of any relationship in terms of a fairy tale, and it's even worse to think of two relationships you are trying to decide between both in terms of fairy tales. My advice is to pay more attention to the reality of the present rather than imagined futures or idealized pasts. I don't know if that helps much, and I'm sorry if I was blunt there, but yeah, those phrases just jumped out at me as being particularly problematic...
getting over that ex
Perhaps if you make a list of what you find so attractive in your ex, and in the next column do the same thing for your new guy, that might help clear your mind.
If your ex was taking you so much for granted, it seems to me you're better off cutting your losses. What is the point of mourning over the loss of someone who doesn't really care for you any more? You can't MAKE him love you.
Anyway, I think Phoenix is right - you've got to give yourself time before plunging in too deep with another guy.
Yes, Phoenix is right!
After a break-up, ideally, one should spend time alone and
mourn the past relationship before entering a new one.
It is not fair to the new man in your life having still unresolved
feelings for your ex. Your new prince charming certainly deserves better than that.
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