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Mon 27 Feb, 2006 01:12 pm
I need some advice, my husband and I have been together for 3 years and married for 4 months. We had a bunch of out of town people at our house for our wedding..on our wedding night we spent the night in a hotel. A week or so later I discovered that there was a box of condoms in his dresser that had been opened and one was missing. I knew the box was there I bought them but we never used them. I asked him and he said that he had no idea....his friends did not mention anything weird but someone would have had to look hard because they are not in sight when the drawer is open.Sense then there have been a few unusual events that have occured...such as my husband had been drinking called me and said that he was staying at his sisters which is 20 minutes away from here and I called in the mornign to tell him one if his workers was not going to make it and my brother inlaw said that he did not stay there...I panicked I called his work and he was there saying that he got mad at his sister left her house did not think he should drive home and slept at work until; 4am woke up and started working then. Not to mention I think that his secretary at work acts wiers if I have to stop there at all...she gives him looks and hangs out where ever we are at...he does not act funny I am just questioning all of these things because they do not make sense to me. I love him very much and I am sure that he loves me but after the condom thing I can not let all the other tings go it gets my mind going...what do I do?
Ask him. Straight out.
Are you having an affair?
Have you talked to his sister? Is information from her trustworthy? Is information from the brother-in-law trustworthy?
Also, this seems to have happened a good 4 months ago (if I'm reading it correctly). So, what happened in that 4 months that made you ask about it now? Sure, it's possible that the condom was used by a guest. Or perhaps it was used by your husband when masturbating, to avoid making a mess? Is that possible?
The secretary thing may be nothing ... or maybe it's something. I dunno. Hard to gauge what "looks" and "acting weird" are. People act in all sorts of ways and it's not necessarily a suspicious thing.
The drinking thing is more disturbing. Does this happen often? If so, what's the upshot? That your husband stays at his sister's? That he drives home drunk? That he asks you to pick him up? That he stays at a friend's house? The question is, is it happening a lot or just once? That does not necessarily spell affair or no affair, it's just a question which may or may not have an important answer.
well
well the condome thing was a few months ago...the sleeping at work...was this wekend...he had stopped for a few drink on the way home.....then an hour and a half later he left again....he had a horrible week at work....drinking is a bit of an issue. When he called me from his sisters at 11:15 I asked if he wanted me to come get him...he knows that I would he left her house at 12 he said he was going to come hoem and thought he shouldn't onece he was on the road he got a ticket for an illegal bumber shortly after leaving the house... Their info was right all my BIL said is he did not stay here last night didn't he come home? He has stayed there before. I hate drinking and driving..the drinking thing is an issue his father is an alcoholic and that is the basis for his parents divorce. I know his actions really worried his mother. When we did talk about it he acted like it was not that big of a deal was not at all defenseive just listened to my concerns...maybe he fells guilty?
I am wondering if the secretary has the hots for him....
the condom thng I know that he looks at porn alot....
i just don't know why he would not tell me it would be less suspisious.
How
Bella Dea wrote:Ask him. Straight out.
Are you having an affair?
does it sound like he maybe?
Re: How
mommaofone wrote:Bella Dea wrote:Ask him. Straight out.
Are you having an affair?
does it sound like he maybe?
Sounding like someone is having an affair is a far cry from actually having one.
Suspicious actions don't help the matter but it doesn't mean he is.
But it could mean he is. Which is why I suggested just asking, flat out, no games. Yes or no.
maybe I am freakin out over nothing...I am stressed with school he is stressed with work...should I just see how things go?
mommaofone, do you really think you can just put this out of your mind and see how things go? I couldn't. So for me the only thing to do is what Bella Dea said - ask him. Many times, I tried to wait things out and my experience is it is always better to talk about it straight out. I am not putting questions concerning relationships off anymore.
Thanks for the advice...I think he will get offended though...I do not know...I will keep you posted
If he's not having an affair and he gets offended by your question, then you two can likely work through that; every relationship has one person offending the other at least once, and the good ones can get past that.
If he's not having an affair and he doesn't get offended by your question, then that's even better.
If he is having an affair, you probably don't need to worry about whether he's offended or not: at that point, it's your right to be the offended one.
Still, I don't know enough about your situation to tell you how to behave, so please don't take my post as anything more than a suggestion or maybe an opinion (not real advice, since I'm hardly qualified to give advice on anything).
Thanks
Thank you smog..... Maybe it is just a rought ime right now...we are both ratehr stressed out with his work and me going to school....I guess that I am just going to role with the punches for now...i certainly do not want to over react.
When a spouse thinks their partner is cheating on them they are usually right. I like the honest up front approach best, but if you don't want to do that you could try little detective work. You could start by counting condoms. See if any more disappear. If you think he is restocking- you could always put a little mark on each package (a little pen check or tiny tear on the package edge) to see if those disappear and are replaced by new ones without the little mark. Since you said the two of you don't use them he would have some explaining to do.
Don't roll with the punches too long, though ... that could hurt even more!
Very well said, smog. And I agree with you - I am just giving my thoughts. Maybe this helps...
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