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Sun 26 Feb, 2006 05:38 pm
okay silly but here goes...
Right well just come out a bad phase in my life, drug abuse and drinking a little too much but managed to clean up and have been managing pretty well latley, as you can imagine my sexual behaviour over the past year and a half has been random and sketchy, anyway whatever lets not go there.
Anyway been clean for three months and been thinking how I want relationship, a normal sorta girlfriend boyfriend relationship not a bizarre drunken coked up bullshit situation. Thing is I don't even know where to start looking and for some reason have devoloped a huge crush on a guy younger then me which i don't know how to deal with as always had older men in my life. Also he smokes a lot of pot and I'm not one to judge but I'm so sick and tired of the drug scene but at the same time I don't wanna seem judgemental so I'm thinking hey give it a shot another side is like don't waste your time and then there's the lust going: well hey shagging could be fun?
I don't know I want a relationship but some how it always seems safer to kiss and run (or shag and duck) or do nothing out of sheer fear. god I don't even Know what I'm saying anymore. Basically my whole life I've been knowingly falling for men that are nothing but trouble on usually more then one level and landed up being dragged through the emmotional dirt in pursuit for the romantic notion of love. I'm tired of that I'm tired and lonely. Also I don't care what other people think of the boy I'm dating anymore.
Man I'm glad you grew out of that phase. Every guy I remember you talking about I've been like Nooooooo! Get away from him!!! Especially the coked up one(s).
Seems like all of your instincts are right, put yourself in situations where you can meet the kind of people you want to meet and see what happens.
thanks sozobe and do you think it is wise to stay away from seemingly sweet 20 year old pot head too?
I dunno -- what you're saying about having just gotten away from that scene and being wary of the pothead part makes sense. But pot and coke are way different, and if he's that sweet... Dunno. Trust your judgement, I guess.
It does seem to make sense to give some weight to the "sick and tired of the whole drug scene" part. Give yourself some time to get OUT of it, if that's what you want.
There are plenty of sweet guys out there who aren't potheads, too.
hmm yeah it's just hard I used to smoke weed, for 5 almost 6 years of my life and i'm over it, agreed coke and pot are different but to me right now it's just like why does he have to do that ****? I mean when i was doing drugs there were always some other screwed up unhappy reason (no matter how irrational) behind it and I just wonder what his are.
oh well thanks for reading (listening) soz i'm going to bed it's 2 am here.
Hi, Tagged L.
I haven't been to any recovery program stuff myself, but have friends who have. I seem to remember that there is some general advice to wait a longer time than three months before getting into a relationship, that it is more of a time to get used to yourself and your own power and stability before pulling in the complications of a relationship.
I don't know how correct they are either, but it makes sense to me.
hey Tagged.
Kudos for getting clean. woo hoo!
Speaking as someone who got out of the drug scene, a the whole lot of wacky relationships that went with it, I'd ask you regarding this guy "Do you really want a relationship with him, or are you just horny? Or don't want to be alone, lonely, right now?" There's no rush to make any big decisions.
Healing can take a long time. I can't speak for everyone, but when I quit running around and taking drugs, I found a whole spool of issues unravelling in myself. It was like getting to know myself all over again, and entering a new world really. It can take some time to adjust. And there are a lot of habits, behaviors, ideas, etc. that creep up seemingly out of nowhere that you begin to notice for the first time.
I still struggle with wanting to bolt, and other things, and it has been years since I left that world. But taking things slow has served me well. I've learnt that saying NO to certain situations is equally as important as what we say YES to.
Good luck. You're doing good.
I cleaned my own own act up no recovery programs etc, just had enough and stopped. thanks flushd and ossobucco.
flushd I dunno hey maybe I just want to be loved or something as daft as that.
hi there, being in AA for 25 years, I will share with you what I tell my pidgeons.
#1 don't get into an emotional/sexualrelationship for at least a year.
a. my first sponsor said: Guys do get into
recovery because their middle is
"Mr. Goodbar".
b. in addition to addiction these guys can be
thieves, liars, deadbeat dads,pedeophiles,
etc.
c. Your obligation to yourself is to "Keep it
Simple" your first year clean and sober
and find out "Who you are" and not "What
what someone else wants you to be".
d. gateway drugs are a no-no and people
that use them are a no-no.
Seaglass
I see your point seaglass and that is what worries me about even pot heads etc.
flushd wrote:I've learnt that saying NO to certain situations is equally as important as what we say YES to.
Flushd, I've gotta say, that's one hell of a quote and a saying. Reminds me of something I'd see in a High School guidance counselors office.
Carbon,
I actually think I read it in a bathroom wall somewhere.
It works for me though.
yeah and I'd have to say that it some how it rings true flushd
Tagged - I feel you need to wait quite a bit longer than 3 months....as a matter of fact, 6 months from now, if you were to look at this person, you'd think...GOD he's boring! All he does is smoke pot.
You've got the booze/drugs out of your system. Nows the time to start growing inside, not looking outside for other people to fill a need.
Quick story, I haven't drunk in quite some time, and I got the same advice as seaglass was giving about the 1 year thing.
well, after about 6 months I got my eye on someone who was really hot. I thought, No, I'm going to wait a year.....so, on day 366 I jumped his bones.....
Not to go into any detail...but it was a terrible mistake....however, having waited a significant amount of time, I reacted in an entirely different way than was my norm, and moved on.
Take some time for yourself Tagged.
well I been really sick lately and out of the loop so given me time to think and well not intresested in little boys. right now i got to worry about myself and finding a job etc.
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