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Hello,

Could you please correct me ?

- The bus was almost empty when he sat at the left-back corner -where two seats were face to face- near the window facing the engine.

- he was some former English teacher from a private school.

-When you got over the Seine, the star in the middle of the sky of Mars was slightly trying to be reflected before it sinks into the water.

Thanks ! Very Happy

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The bus was almost empty when he sat at the left-back corner -where two seats were face to face- near the window facing the engine.

Left-back is much better as "back left". The face-to-face bit could be writting simply as "where two seats were facing each other", but since this sentence is a bit unwieldy the way it is, I'd reduce the part after "empty" to "when he sat in the back left corner in one of two facing seats near the window".

he was some former English teacher from a private school.

Should probably be a (former English teacher). It's not really wrong the way it is, but it's a bit disrespectful - you're saying he's just 'some' guy, or 'some' teacher, like you don't care who he is or think it's important at all.

When you got over the Seine, the star in the middle of the sky of Mars was slightly trying to be reflected before it sinks into the water.

Huh? I'm not sure what you're trying to say here.

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Huh? I'm not sure what you're trying to say here.

I am not sure either. It is a translation, and I am not sure of its meening in my own language ! I have just translated each word.

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Should probably be a (former English teacher). It's not really wrong the way it is, but it's a bit disrespectful - you're saying he's just 'some' guy, or 'some' teacher, like you don't care who he is or think it's important at all.

Actually, the whole sentence is :

-Peter was watching him as he was coming nearer : mechanical and emaciated, the scarf and the bifocals indicated that he was some former English teacher from a private school.

Could you also help me on this ?

-Only a few people got down the train, and even less was getting in.

- he was moving in the middle of the row, holding on the slippery bars and the too high handle.

Thanks for the help ! Very Happy

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Jaina wrote:

Quote:
Huh? I'm not sure what you're trying to say here.

I am not sure either. It is a translation, and I am not sure of its meening in my own language ! I have just translated each word.

That's never a good way to translate anything - what's your native language, out of curiosity?

Quote:

-Peter was watching him as he was coming nearer : mechanical and emaciated, the scarf and the bifocals indicated that he was some former English teacher from a private school.

That's probably fine in that context, since it isn't shedding the person in question in a positive light anyway.

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Could you also help me on this ?

Sure.

Only a few people got down the train, and even less was getting in.

Are you describing people trying to get into a train? If so, it should be "Only a few people got onto (or off of if you meant to say they were leaving) the train, and even fewer were getting on." It's a bit redundant though, unless you meant something else.

he was moving in the middle of the row, holding on the slippery bars and the too high handle.

Is this more about the train? I would say "he was moving down the middle of the row, holding on to the slippery bars and the handle high above.

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what's your native language, out of curiosity?

I am French.

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-Peter was watching him as he was coming nearer : mechanical and emaciated, the scarf and the bifocals indicated that he was some former English teacher from a private school.

Is this sentence also correct ?

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or off of if you meant to say they were leaving

That is what I mean. So the correct sentence is "Only a few people got off of the train " ? Doesn't the "off of" sound strange ?

I've got one more sentence, could you take a look at it, if you don't mind ?

-On the seat which was in front of him, Peter put down his bag - a bag cut in a crumpled, boiled material, the last condition of leather before becoming cardboard. Every time he had to use the bag, Peter had wondered to which poor, sensitive to cold, outcast animal - with rather delicate health and from an endangered species - this material could have been belonging to.

Thank you again !! Very Happy

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Jaina wrote:

Quote:
-Peter was watching him as he was coming nearer : mechanical and emaciated, the scarf and the bifocals indicated that he was some former English teacher from a private school.

Is this sentence also correct ?

Almost.

The colon ( : ) should be a semicolon ( ; ), and I would change the progressive tense of the first two verbs (was watching, and was coming) to simple past to match indicated and was.

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or off of if you meant to say they were leaving

That is what I mean. So the correct sentence is "Only a few people got off of the train " ? Doesn't the "off of" sound strange ?

No. You get on and off of buses, trains, airplanes, bicycles, subways, motorcycles, horses, and probably some other forms of transportation that I'm forgetting right now. You get in and out of cars.

On the seat which was in front of him,

You don't need which was.

Peter put down his bag - a bag cut in a crumpled, boiled material, the last condition of leather before becoming cardboard.

I think by cut in you mean made of. Probably the final stage that leather went through is a neater wording than the last condition of leather. I'm not sure boiled is the right word choice there, but I don't know exactly what you're describing, either.

Every time he had to use the bag, Peter had wondered

Had wondered is (correctly) in the pluperfect, so had to use should be as well, making it had had to use. Confused yet? Wink

to which poor, sensitive to cold, outcast animal - with rather delicate health and from an endangered species - this material could have been belonging to.

If you are going to use sensitive to cold as a modifier there, it should be hyphenated - but in any case, it makes the sentence bulky, so I would just leave it out. Grammatically, it should be from being a member of an endangered species, but that part doesn't make semantic sense anyway, because endangered species' aren't endangered because of delicate heath. I would also leave that section out. Could have been belonging to is too recent a past tense, I think - probably should just be could have belonged to, or if you want to be especially brutal with the imagry, you could say had been made of.

Is this a whole story? If so, you can just send it to me rather than posting it bit by bit in the forum, if you'd like.

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a bag cut in a crumpled, boiled material, the last condition of leather before becoming cardboard.

Possibly refers to leather becoming stiff and
unusable.

If a soft leather bag is washed (boiled?) many times without applying some kind of re conditioning it will gradually stiffen and eventually become stiff like cardboard.

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That is what I mean. So the correct sentence is "Only a few people got off of the train " ? Doesn't the "off of" sound strange ?

In my opinion there is no need for the "of". I consider this extremely poor grammar and it annoys me no end. Just get "Off" the train, off the aeroplane, off your bike.

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Possibly refers to leather becoming stiff and unusable.

That is what I mean.

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I think by cut in you mean made of.

So is the right sentence : a bag made in a crumpled, boiled material... ?

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Is this a whole story? If so, you can just send it to me rather than posting it bit by bit in the forum, if you'd like.

I'd like to, but I can't (I am not allowed to send PM Crying or Very sad

)

.

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Jaina wrote:

Quote:
Possibly refers to leather becoming stiff and unusable.

That is what I mean.

A possible description could be "distressed leather". However this could have a meaning of "expensive leather".

my feeling is you are trying to indicate a bag that has seen lots of use and dirt and has not been well cared for.

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I think by cut in you mean made of.

So is the right sentence : a bag made in a crumpled, boiled material... ?
.

This sentance make good sense and is quite descriptive

If you want the bag to be leather then say leather. A crumpled and abused leather bag

If you are happy with people to imagine a cloth bag say material.

"Material" can also indicate an unidentified mystery material.

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Thanks !!!!! Very Happy

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Jaina wrote:

The bus was almost empty when he sat at the left-back corner -where two seats were face to face- near the window facing the engine.

I would change the above sentence to this...

The leaf from the massive oak tree broke from its mooring and began a gentle journey downward where it landed on the shoulder of a one-armed man entering a bus; a man who seemed intent on procuring the seat near the back of the bus, the one furthest away from the pair engaged in frenzied copulation.

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correction

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