laid back vs highly strung

The Pentacle Queen,

Sure, it makes sense. But, are you sure that they don't give a damn? Some people are able to just go with the flow and not let things effect them the same way that they do others. It doesn't mean they don't give a damn, it just means they take it in stride.

Is it possible that you and maybe your friend get annoyed because you don't take things in stride the same way? My husband is the high strung type. Any little thing goes wrong and it's like the end of the world to him. To me, it's just another obstacle or hurdle to get over, go around, or knock down. Drives him nuts! And it drives me nuts that he gets so worked up.

So, I can see how you may think they don't give a damn. Can you now see how they might and just show it differently?

I've seen this, less in romantic relationships and more in other relationships, like people at work or the like.

And there are just different kinds of people in the world, I think. Some of it also kinda depends on birth order and how you grew up, I s'pect.

See, I'm the youngest in my family, but I'm one of the middle/older folks in my office, plus I'm older than my husband, so while some folks probably think I'm irresponsible and nuts, I'm also somewhat laid back about a lot of things; and the flip side is that other people see me as too intense and all and yeah, I'm a hard worker and can get too involved in minutiae. One thing I'm finding, as I get older, is that there are definitely things that my worrying about in the past, well, it didn't matter. Hence I'm trying to be a bit more accepting about things I cannot change.

At the same time, though, there are things that I think one should be passionate/vigilant about. And so at this stage of my life I find myself picking my battles more.

I think people find different things to be important. But there are some things that should be, well, somewhat universally important, such as being able to put a roof over your head. And others should be more or less universally unimportant, like whether celebrity couples remain married. But there's a huge grey area in between.

Can you give some examples of where these folks seem to not give a damn? Is it fire safety? Then, yeah, they're being ridiculous and irresponsible. Is it whether to put the toilet paper on the roll so that the end tucks under? Then, well, c'mon, that's not an issue that should be a point of contention for anyone. So, what's the real beef?

Its not so much practical matters like that, in fact i am conciderably careless about anything like that. i generally dont care, its emotional stuff that im talking about.

like memories, hurting other peoples feelings, expressing their feelings and stuff....
they dont seem to care or have any emotions. i just cant get it.

Well, then they're idjits.

Okay, that was harsh. But no one has to take it if someone just runs over their feelings. No one deserves that.

I've got a somewhat different take on it from Jespah.

For the most part, my personal stuff is my personal stuff and I am very cautious about who I share my feelings with. It's not that I don't care but that I'm very self-protective - and I will get bristly and say I don't care if someone tries to push into my stuff. It's an effort to get people off my back.

I don't want to hurt other people's feelings, but I know it upsets some when I don't share the way they expect me to/hope I will.

Hmm. It's hard to tell, so I'll just comment on the 'laid back' versus more 'sensitive' types in my experience.

For most of my life, I had seemed to be attracted to 'laid back' sorts of people, as friends and lovers. I'm quite passionate, and vocal, almost to the point of aggressive sometimes, and so there has been inevitible communication breakdowns.
I was often feeling like these people didn't care - bc they kept their feelings so even and steady. Really, when it came down to it, I just sometimes wanted certain things that they weren't giving - responses, to hear "I love you" more often, reassurance, whatever.

One thing that I realized, just recently, is that it is nearly impossible to tell what someone is feeling...except by what they choose to tell you or show you with their actions.
Some people who are so-called laid-back, are actually shivering inside as people, scared, or on the opposite end: simply do not see or feel a need to be showy about their feelings.

My point is that it is all about Communication.
Making an effort to really see past a person's style of communicating, their 'ways', and our own reflexs can be difficult.....
but it's worth it.

Especially if you love these people.

flushd, i think you are very similar to me,
but in my (short) experience, its hard to get people to open up to you, or to find out what they are feeling without being pushy, and this tends to be something they hate...

This may sound a bit biased, but i really do think its the laid back people who have the problem: how do they communicate? Keeping silent cant really do you any good can it? especially in relationships.

Pentacle, I know what you're saying, 'cause I suspect we are sort of in the same boat here. I could use to listen up as much as you.

Sometimes so-called 'laid-back' people drive me up the bend and around again. Such is life.

I guess it all depends on whether the person is actually withholding important information or intimacy or not.
If they they just go with the flow, by personality, but are loving and decent and all that good stuff, I deal.
If I truly, truly feel that they don't care about important things, then it's not worth my anguish.

What's the deal with your friends? Are they slacking as friends maybe?

It's kind of funny, to be attracted to the laid back ones, bc of their 'rock-like' constancy, and then to get aggrivated by that very trait.

Maybe want it both ways; which isn't too realistic.

Ok...sorry...I'll stop my tangeants on your thread Penty! I'd like to hear what others have to say.

As one of those laid-back types I'd have to ask how it can be "our" problem? It certianly isn't us with the problem if you are the one that needs the constant verbal reassurances. It seems to me that anyone that needs constant reassurances of their place in the world has some self-esteem issues and is the one with the problem.

I can communicate just fine thank you. Verbalizing isn't always communications. Most of the time it's just white noise. I'd much rather listen, observe and empathize and then act on what I fiind. Try it. You just might find that your blood pressure drops, you don't make irrational decisions in the heat of the moment and you have fewer mistakes and regrets.