Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road to Iraq?

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road to Iraq?

GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This crossing of the road was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on the chicken.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV, which is responsible for US dependence on Iraqi oil.

PAT BUCHANAN
So an Iraqi can steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking bout your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross to Iraq. It's all Clinton's fault, it's his chicken that's causing the trouble in Iraq.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going to Iraq. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because that Iraqi chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with an Iraqi toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die In the rain. Alone in Iraq.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all Iraqi chickens, Kurds, Sunnis, Shiites, and Christians, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Don't them Iraqis get it?

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road to liberate the people of Iraq.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens, Kurds, Sunnis, Shiites, Christians, crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road, even in Iraq.

KARL MARX
It was an Iraqi historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the Iraqi chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken? Where's Iraq?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go to Iraq where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more Iraqi
chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity, which led to the downfall of Saddam's Iraq.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook, contribute your donations of the deficit and cost of the Iraq ear, and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken due to a direct his by a US bunker buster bomb?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? What is the difference between a US and an Iraq chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one hiding in an Iraqi bunker?