my friend has crossed the line

IRL, I'm not much for telling people what to do - but I do ask why they're choosing to do the things they do/don't do. Sometimes getting people to explain their choices/decisions helps you and them understand things better.

Money is a pretty big motivator for people getting a job, but not just anyone can go into that kind of work, no matter how much it pays.

So talk to your friend, ask why she made the particular choice at this time.

You don't have to agree with it, but it might help both of you that you took the time to talk to her about it before condemning her.

You might read:

Callgirl : Confessions of an Ivy League Lady of Pleasure
by Jeannette Angell

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060736054/qid=1140300602/sr=1-4/ref=sr_1_4/104-0418027-0701520?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

Amazon offers some exerpts on line.

ehBeth - thanks for your input. I did ask her, she hasn't replied in several days. I am still hoping that she's not really doing that, but I'm afraid that the lack of response isn't a good thing.

Condemning her? I'm not doing anything TO her, I'm just trying to be honest about my feelings. I have the right to feel however I want to about it, just like she has the right to do whatever she wants in her life.

Are you condemning me for how I feel about this? I hope not, I'm just trying to be honest with myself so I can decide what to do.

I have a friend who recently decided to take up stripping.

I have strong feelings about stripping. STRONG. Sure, it isn't exactly the same as escorting or prostitution....but to me it means about the same thing. That is just how I feel.
So, I when I heard the news, I felt really conflicted. I wanted to support my friend as a person, but I hated the choice. What I decided to do was just keep quiet about the whole deal.
I think the message has gone across clear - though I do not agree with the choice, I am there as a friend. I won't engage in discussions about it bc it would only cause conflict which will just hurt the relationship.
My friend knows how I feel without me having to make a big deal about it.
It actually pains me to see a friend doing something in that industry at all - bc of my own feelings about it.

Have your feelings towards your friend....As A Person....changed to the point where you are questioning the friendship?
If you are having trouble respecting her to the same degree, well, I can see that being a good reason to speak to her or otherwise doing something.

Flushd, I lump all of that together, as well. I haven't made a big deal to her at all, I asked her what her job is and if she likes it. That's not all I asked in the email, or all I said. Its just a catching up kind of email.

I'm questioning the friendship because I don't feel that I can trust her completely anymore. I don't completely trust people in that line of work, period. Respect is a huge issue in all of this, also.

Thank you for your thoughts. I was afraid I was just going to be chastized about not being PC and accepting anything and everything.

HickoryStick - I can understand your feelings, and think that you have a perfect right to them. I would question as to why a person would, of their own free will, choose such a profession.



I suppose that the next thing that I would want to know, is just how serious is her money problems? Is it possible that she has gotten involved with loan sharks, and that the "escort service" was suggested as a way of her getting out of her financial mess? Before "writing her off" you might want to explore this with her. If she were feeling trapped, or frantic about returning the money, it could very well be why her life took the turn that it has.

I don't know why people in "that line of work" are really any less trustworthy than anyone else. Did you trust her before?

Phoenix, she had no debt, she was just tired of being a poor college student - that is IF that was true. I feel now that I didn't know that much about her.

Tomkitten, I think that I lack trust because people in that line of work, in my opinion, have little respect for themselves, little respect for other people, and are usually doing something illegal. They don't mind skirting that close to the illegal line, so I guess that's why I feel a loss of trust there. Like I said, though, its just my opinion.

Some years ago I read about a study of married prostitutes. The authors had studied both Hispanic and American prostitutes in the U.S. What they found was very interesting. Apparently, many of the Hispanic prostitutes were prostituting themselves for a greater purpose............to feed their kids, to send money to their families, etc. He found that in general, those women were, for the most part, psychologically sound.

On the other hand, the American born prostitutes were another story. As a group they suffered from a vast array of psychological problems.

If, as what you are saying, Hickory Stick, if it is simply a matter of not having enough money, I would suspect that she chose that line of work because of some inner need. I would agree, from just what you have written, that I would look at her choice of work with a jaundiced eye.

That's interesting Phoenix. Thank you for sharing!

I know what you mean Hickory, about not coming so close to that illegal line...

I don't know about women from other countries, but I can speak women I've personally known who are dancers or prostitutes.

Although never feeling personally open to being taken advantage of or, I don't know, influenced by them in any way, I keep my eyes open around them and take everything they say with a grain of salt.

Actually, it's because I maintain this healthy scepticism that I don't feel negatively "threatened" There's not too many things in this life that I could find out someone was doing that would completely floor me.

I know she hasn't responded to you, but I'd be really interested in knowing how she views her work, now that she's doing it.

Very interesting thread Hickory Stick.

Chai Tea, its a shame people have to "watch their back", so to speak, but that's how we have to be a lot of the time. I'm glad someone relates to the lack of trust I feel. Not only do I feel a loss of trust for her now, but I am wondering about everything she told me in the past.

Well, she got back to me, and did NOT answer my questions about her work. I'm so curious, but I know her, and no response is a bad response.

Is that Joanna Lumley in your icon?

Bridget Bardot...

You're Eddie Izzard, right?

Cake or Death!

Yep, love the Izzard

Bookmark.

This thread has helped me get to the root of my feelings about this situation, and I thank you all for that. Its also good to know I'm not the only one who's not afraid to be honest about it. I think a lot of people go along with things they aren't comfortable with because its PC, but there's no reason anyone whould feel that they have to go against their instincts about such things.

I realise now that its more a loss of trust than anything. That's a huge part of a friendship, and without that, what's left?