George Bush a Saint

President Bush was scheduled to worship
at a small Methodist Church

outside Washington, D.C. as part of Karl Rove's campaign to reverse

Bush's rapidly deteriorating approval ratings.


A week before the visit, Rove called on the Methodist Bishop who was

scheduled to preach on the chosen Sunday. "As you know, Bishop," began

Rove, "we've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists

because of the president's position on stem cell research and the
like.

We'd gladly arrange for Jack Abramoff's friends to make a contribution

of $100,000 to the church if during your sermon you would say that

President Bush is a saint."


The Bishop thought about it for a few minutes, and finally said, "This

parish is in rather desperate need of funds ... I'll agree to do it."


The following Sunday, Bush pompously showed up for the photo op,
looking

especially smug even while attempting to appear pious.


After making a few announcements, the Bishop began his homily: "George

W. Bush is a petty, vindictive, sanctimonious hypocrite and a nitwit.
He

is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel with the world's

largest chip on his shoulder. He used every dirty election trick in
the

book and still lost, but his toadies in the Supreme Court appointed
him.

He lied about his military record in which he used special privilege
to

avoid combat, and then had the gall to dress up and pose on an
aircraft

carrier before a banner stating "Mission Accomplished." He invaded a

sovereign country for oil and war profiteering, turning Iraq into a

training ground for terrorists who would destroy our country. He

continues to confuse the American people by insisting on a nonexistent

connection between the horrors of 9/11 and the reason he started his
war

in Iraq. He routinely appoints incompetent and unqualified cronies to

high-level federal government positions and as a result, hundreds and

hundreds of Americans died tragically in New Orleans. He lets
corporate

polluters despoil God's creation and doom our planet. He uses

fear-mongering to justify warrantless spying on American citizens, in

clear violation of our Constitution. He is so psychotic and

megalomaniacal that he believes that he was chosen by God. He is the

worst example of a Methodist I have ever personally known. . . .


"But compared to Dick Cheney and Karl Rove and the rest of the evil

fascist bastards in this administration, George W. Bush is a saint."