We dont have sex...but he looks at porn

My suggestion is to go buy a sexy outfit, plan a suprise evening for him make the evening start out romantic. Maybe as it goes on suprise him with some porn to watch together. If he likes it that much he may be embarresed to admitt it to you. If you don't have a problem with it, let him know so you can both explore different things together. Talk dirty to him, most men really enjoy this, tell him some fantasies you have and act it out as if it were reality.

Thanks
thanks for the suggestion, i have to admit that all of this has made me even a bit more insecure than I was before....can I buy some courage in a bottle inorder for this to happen? I do not think htat he is embarresed he readily admits to watching it and looking at if if I ask him or say that he has he will not deny it....do you think there could be more going on?
do you think that it has anything to do with him not being that sexually attracted to me?

Why don't you go out and buy nude male magazines (I'm sure
they exist)and display them prominently in the bedroom. Then look at some male porn sites on the internet and leave the sites open for your husband to see.

If the weekend comes around and he is in the mood, just
tell him you have a headache.

This will give him a dose of his own medicine and teach
him a lesson.

Perhaps.. But it isn't likely to solve her problem unless she considers the solution to be a quick divorce. Escalating by "fighting fire with fire" just gets the house burned down faster.

not too sure
I do not like to be mean.....I know that he couls use a dose of his own medicine but two wrongs dont make a right do they?

You'd be surprised, mommaofone!

fishin'
If he's that ignorant, he won't stop by reasoning with him.
Or what would be your approach?

Re: Thanks


Speaking as a guy, and I know in some quarters that may disqualify me from commenting on relationship issues but.. He may not be embarrassed about looking at the porn at all but he may be embarassed at the idea of asking you to participate in the sort of activity he's looking at. He might think you may not be willing or he might just be to embarrassed to even ask. (This could relate to the whole concept of a Madonna/whore complex)

If he's willing to discuss it you can always ask or you could try try something new during your next tryst and see what happens.

The way to rid someone of ignorance to to educate them. Then you reason with them.

The fight-fire-with-fire approach isn't educating. It usually causes people to dig in their heels and reinforces the idea of hiding behind the ignorance and/or continuing the escalation by fighting back in the same manner over and over again.

Possibly you could play off your screenname, mommaofone. Take to calling him poppaofnone.

Don't actually do it, but it's a fun thought, isn't

also i really maybe got carried away with my post lol but im going through a pretty rough time right now regarding all of that so my apologies. A guy is going to probably look at porn at one time or another and it has NOTHING to do with you but if its taking away from your sex life then he needs councelling maybe you can both go to marriage councelling. Occasionally porn addiction can happen like in my case and thats when it becomes a problem. Sometimes in marriages its normal for sex to taper off a little from time to time and that is normal. Just be as open as you can be about your feelings about his porn viewing and maybe your husband can explain things better.

Speaking as a guy, and I know in some quarters that may disqualify me from commenting on relationship issues but.. He may not be embarrassed about looking at the porn at all but he may be embarassed at the idea of asking you to participate in the sort of activity he's looking at. He might think you may not be willing or he might just be to embarrassed to even ask. (This could relate to the whole concept of a Madonna/whore complex)

If he's willing to discuss it you can always ask or you could try try something new during your next tryst and see what happens.


[I]I got mad the fisrt time and then I have told him that and if we have viwed I have inittianted..i do not know what to do all i know id going a few weeks without sex isn't cutting it for me...for the fisrt time in my life I enjoy sex....if his libido was so high that he needed to supplement is one thing but there have beeen nights where he has turned me down and then looked at porn on the internet all night

Time to get a good vibrator. Have fun.

Perhaps your sex life has declined bc of other things going on in your lives?

Porn is safe and requires no effort. You can be as selfish as you like with porn and so a lot of people view it as relaxing or a safe escape. With a real partner; there is the whole deal with regarding their feelings, making sure they are in the mood, seduction, talking, etc. etc.

Do you think there might be something else going on with your hubby? How is he doing outside of the bedroom? Maybe he needs some special loving of an other-than-sexual kind right now?

I have a good friend who is a newlywed. Keeping the details sparse, I'll just say that she has mentioned how the sex went down after marriage. She thought it would be the opposite, but what with all the changes as a newly married couple, his interest declined for a while. New responsibilities, shift of mind etc. etc.......all can add up to a lot of pressure for some people. They needed to work out some other elements in their life before the sex got heavy again.
Stress can come from negative or positive events eh.

Just some random thoughts. Good luck.

thanks
thanks for the sounds advice....he is a bit stressed with work?

Re: We dont have sex...but he looks at porn
There's your problem, fix it, change things up, do something nice, sexy, and unexpected for him, send the kids to your parents, light candles, get him drunk and **** the hell out of him.

I can understand your situation... I came here originally for advice on the same subject. I listened to similar advice, ie...get sexier, plan something romantic, join him, talk to him, etc. No offense to anyone that tried to help me, but nothing worked.
I tried discussing my feelings with my hubby, but to no avail. After almost ten years of marriage to a man, that I loved with all of my heart, mind, soul and body, I left.
My point is, being a newlywed, of course there's new stress on top of the old stress we are all used to, ie. perhaps a new home, new child, new life,...but it doesn't give a man the right to disrespect his partner.
If he already knows how you feel, which I suppose you've already expressed to him, and he's still continuing his behaviour, maybe it's time to do your own thing. I can appreciate that you love him, otherwise you wouldn't have married him, but perhaps it was a mistake.
There was a post that said that porn was "safe" and that you could be selfish with porn, without consideration for feelings,...is that the type of man that you want for your child to look to as a role model. I had to ask that question of myself. I have two sons that I care about more than life,....and I didn't want them to someday treat their wives/girlfriends/partners that way.....so I left my husband.
I'm not saying you have to, but really look at your situation....if he'd rather look at porn via pc, mag, tv......than be with you,..don't you think you deserve better?

I totally understand
My heart aches when I think about this.. I have been recently married of 7 months with no kids.

I have seen my husband looking at porn on the computer only he doesn't really know it and he is embarrased to admit it.

My problem as well as yours is that my husband prefers to look at porns instead of spending nights with me. In fact, we go months (2 or 3 months at a time ) without sex.

I know this is not normal and I tried to bring up in numerous occasions but only to receive answers that he is tired from work.

Am I becoming a desperate housewife?

To the last two posters:

It is worth pursuing with your husbands - either to have the behavior changed or to get your head around the fact that he isn't going to, so you can decide what to do from there. Now, let me be clear: I have no problem with porn, enjoy it, etc. However, if someone is truly neglecting the significant other in favor of porn, and it is not to the SO's liking (I'll allow there are some relationships in which the couple are happy not having a sex life), then there is a real problem. Particularly if they are hiding it, doing it only solo, avoiding you sexually, etc. Your spouses need to understand that their actions in this regard can have serious repercussions by damaging you emotionally...and once the damage is done, they might not like the results.