Affairs

The 1st Affair
> >> A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they
> >> went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep
And woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
> >> outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and
> >> drove home. Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> >> "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my
> >> secretary. We had sex all afternoon." She looked down at his shoes and said:
> >> "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
> >>
> >> The 2nd Affair
> >> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
> >> about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they
Always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The
> >> joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at
> >> the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: "There's no way I
Can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I
> >> fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
> >> The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
> >>
> >> The 3rd Affair
> >> A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr.
> >> Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
> >> Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,"
The mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an
> >> impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he
> >> removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home "I have something to
> >> show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. "My
> >> God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
> >>
> >> The 4th Affair
> >> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
> >> the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed
Baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until
I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it's statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got
> >> one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up and went to the kitchen and returned with a
Sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that
For two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."
> >>
> >> The 5th Affair
> >> A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
> >> "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He
Glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of
Wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's
> >> the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my
> >> wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The
Bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
> >>
> >> The 6th Affair
> >> Jake was dying.
> >> His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have
> >> something I must confess." "There's no need to, " his wife replied.
> >> "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend,
> >> her best friend, and your mother!"
> >> "I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."
> >>
> >>
> >>