Surreal parenting

Surreal parenting: Having your two year old praise you for going to the bathroom.

"Good job using the potty, Daddy!"

Um... Thanks.

Ha!

Oooh, I know I have some, will think, bookmarking for now...

Surreal parenting: Yaya telling people that she used to drink milk out of her mommy's nipples.

Awww, that's sweet though!

I had one last night, what was it what was it...

Oh I remember!

We (sozlet and I) were riffing on "If you're happy and you know it" as I was getting her ready for bed. ("If your teeth are turning black, then BRUSH THEM..." etc.) Then it was time for her to use the potty -- first, "If you really gotta pee then just go pee (pee, pee) if you really gotta pee then just go pee (pee, pee) if you really gotta pee, if your eyeballs are yellow, if you really gotta pee then just go pee (pee pee)."

Then she pooped (sorry) and when I wiped her (sorry) I started singing "If your poops are too messy eat more fruit..." we were both coming to the rousing conclusion when E.G. poked his head in, and that threw me enough that my version of the last line was "...eat more poop."

Hysterical laughter all around.

Double-ha!

...makes me think of Cav, though.

Oh, I know I have some. I have to remember now...

I found these in my yahoo mailbox. They must be at least three years old.

Duckie was peeing in the toilet especially accurately today and i told him "that's some good peeing" and he said "yeah, a good pee has lots of bubbles in it".

I told him it was father's day today so i had to explain to him that i'm a mother and ducklet is a daughter and he's a son and Baba is a father. "He's not my father!" Me: "yes he is". Him: "no, he's not my father, he's my man!"

Buuuuuuuummmblebee
Buuuuuummmblbee

comes from the hut

Gonna sting that baby
right in her BUTT!!!!


( its a tickle game...)

Dare I revive it?

"Let's pretend my penis is a jellyfish."

You win.

Once we were taking a walk on the local middle school track. My kids were being sweet and walking with their arms around each other. Duckie says "ducklet, let's kiss" and kisses her on the mouth. My eyes popped out of my head, but I kept my mouth shut. Until later, they do it again.

Then ducklet says "when we grow up we're gonna get married".

Me: "Uh, brothers and sisters don't get married."
Him: "Why not?"
Me(completely flubbing the answer): "Uuuuh..... well, Baba and I are not brother and sister."

So I'm in here cruising A2K, trying to chill after the day.

Mo walks in....

.... in all seriousness he looks at me, raises one leg in the air, stands on the other tiptoe, and begins waving his hands around....

... and says....

.... "way back when you married dad was it hard for you to do this?"

This is following an earlier conversation regarding when he marries Danny Phantom and moves to South America.

Danny Phantom is cool.

I kept coming up with gross surreal parenting experiences, and realized that what makes them surreal is not the grossness but how the grossness has become part of everyday life. It's not the fact that I open sozlet's tissue after she's used it to inspect the color, amount, and consistency of her snot, it's that I do it without flinching.

You guys are funny. I'm bookmarking.

Mo usually just runs in and wipes his nose on me the little freak.

Oh, yeah. I had a great time trying to explain dreams to baby cub. He didn't get a sense of humor until he was ten or so. Meantime, EVERYTHING was literal.

One morning when he was around three and a half he came running dow the stairs, through the kitchen, heading for the back door. He was sooo excited. "Where are they? Where are they?"

Where is what, I ask.

The boats.

Honey, we don't have boats.

Yes we do. One is yellow and the other one is red and black. We were just riding them in the circle (cul de sac) and having so much fun.

I knew then that he had been dreaming and had to try to explain dreams. I told him they are like movies that play in our head to keep us entertained while we sleep. They aren't real, just like cartoons or movies aren't real. They are just our minds having fun.

When I finished, girl cub, who was 5, pats me on the back of my leg and says "You did a good job with that, Mommy."

Today, at my friends house, Jillian decided to show, rather proudly her grown up word while at the table having snacks.

By digging in her pants ( diaper ) removing her fingers and holding them above her head exclaiming " ****! IS'A KAKA!!!

I look at my friend and just shrug.. sheesh she has 2 kids of her own..
, and begin to examine her hand wich is obviously covered with old, not completely chewed sunflower seeds and blueberries.

All the while talking to her about the seeds .. and how they got there.

Soooooo.......

I'm on the phone and when I hang up I notice that Mo has green lips and teeth.

"What have you been into?" says I....

"Nothing!" says he.....

"Go look in the mirror." sez me.

<snork>

Mo drank a half bottle of green food coloring!

He won't let me take a photo but it is seriously as funny as hell to look at him right now.

What does that stuff taste like, anyway?