THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

[imagine that!]



Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

[no, really?]


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

[now that's taking things a bit far!]


Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

[not if I wipe thoroughly!]




Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over

[what a guy!]



Miners Refuse to Work after Death

[no-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]



Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

[see if that! works any better than a fair trial!]




War Dims Hope for Peace

[I can see where it might have that effect!]



If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

[you think?!]



Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

[who would have thought!]



Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide

[they may be on to something!]



Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]




Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

[he probably IS the battery charge!]




New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

[weren't they fat enough?!]




Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft

[That's what he gets for eating th! ose beans!]




Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

[Taste like chicken?]





Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]




Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

[Boy, are they tall!]




And the winner is....





Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


Did I read that sign right?