What were the greens collared for?
Are you an extremist rastafarian?
I'm just a puppy with dreadlocks.
Joke #2
This is an actual essay written by a college applicant, when
applying to NYU where he now attends.
3A. ESSAY IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO
GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER
THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:
ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE
YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing
ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch
breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat
retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write
award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally,
I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I
can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed,
and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an
expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once
single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin
from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I
was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous
documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges
in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after
school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless
bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of
corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private
citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine
and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New
Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat
.
400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in
international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly
accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David
Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an
entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of
every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several
covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do
sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I
successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had
seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all
paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in
full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of
life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary
four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I
breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan,
cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at
the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart
surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.
dlowan wrote:Joke #2
This is an actual essay written by a college applicant, when
applying to NYU where he now attends.
3A. ESSAY IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO
GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER
THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:
ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE
YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing
ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch
breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat
retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write
award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally,
I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I
can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed,
and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an
expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once
single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin
from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I
was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous
documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges
in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after
school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless
bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of
corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private
citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine
and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New
Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat
.
400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in
international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly
accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David
Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an
entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of
every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several
covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do
sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I
successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had
seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all
paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in
full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of
life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary
four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I
breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan,
cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at
the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart
surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.
it isnnt an aplication from a student its chuck norris's monday scedual you should see his wednesdays
lol
Chuck Norris once killed a man by thinking about looking at him funny.
I've always had an interest in myths and such things as UFO's and alien conspiracies as well as cryptozoology. Do any of you know of any good sites where I can read up on this stuff? Regarding the myths portion, like ancient myths from all over the world, like gods , holy grail, and etc and like scientific evidence of it or something along thjose lines, hopefully this is not too broad of a description of what I am looking for. PLEASE TELL ME if you know of any sites
crayon851 wrote:I've always had an interest in myths and such things as UFO's and alien conspiracies as well as cryptozoology. Do any of you know of any good sites where I can read up on this stuff? Regarding the myths portion, like ancient myths from all over the world, like gods , holy grail, and etc and like scientific evidence of it or something along thjose lines, hopefully this is not too broad of a description of what I am looking for. PLEASE TELL ME if you know of any sites
Crayon...why not open a thread with this question? Or actually, a few threads, since you have several questions?
You are likely to get many more responses, especially if you make the thread titles very clear in terms of what information you want.
Also, in the future search engines can take others to your threads, and also retrieve the information others give you.
Also, f you click on "Portal" in the top right hand corner, you may be able to find some sites with the sort of information you want.
Our Father who art in Heaven
Harold be thy Name....
I think I was 12 before I realised
dadpad wrote:
Our Father who art in Heaven
Harold be thy Name....
I think I was 12 before I realised
This quote is attributed to me. However, this is quoted in error. The quote should be attributed to dlowan....not me.
Please be careful using the quote function. Somebody else may actual get mad. :wink:
There are certainties in life and one of them is that Intrepid will be found on this thread.
Better double-check that again, Intrepid. The attribution in the quote is accurate. However, in the meantime . . .
I pledge alleigance to the flag and to the country for witches' stands. one nation in the windowsill etc. etc.
No need for me to double check, Andrew. I KNOW that I did not write that. Here is the actual quoting, in context and as it was written. It has nothing to do with the post itself, just that I did not write it and it is being attributed to me. Sloppy quoting is not acceptable - IMHO
No apology necessary :wink:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:There are certainties in life and one of them is that Intrepid will be found on this thread.
You seem awfully certain of that.
Never contradict a marsupial.
I would bet one of my left testicles.
One of your left testicles?
How many testicles have you got left?
