I agree with Gus. Take the following sentence:
The boy lived in a blue house.
Boring, isn't it? Not something you'd want to read over and over.
Now take the same story with hyperbole and embellishment:
The evil, sadistic dark-haired boy lived in a huge blue house with servants and a swimming pool until he brutally murdered his parents with a chain saw.
You see the importance?
NickFun wrote:I agree with Gus. Take the following sentence:
The boy lived in a blue house.
Boring, isn't it? Not something you'd want to read over and over.
Now take the same story with hyperbole and embellishment:
The evil, sadistic dark-haired boy lived in a huge blue house with servants and a swimming pool until he brutally murdered his parents with a chain saw.
You see the importance?
Wrong, wrong, wrong. Your sentence, Nick, is the kind that dear Bulwer-Lytton used to indulge in all the time and it reeks of overkill. You've told the whole ghastly tale in one sentence and now there's no more to tell. Poor writers shoot themselves in the foot this way all the time. No, that first sentence should read:
The lad dwelt in the azure mansion at the top of the hill.
Now, go from there.
I am SO not going to that house on the hill with the lapis lazuli boy and chainsaw.
ehBeth wrote:I am SO not going to that house on the hill with the lapis lazuli boy and chainsaw.
Unless it's a dark and stormy night?
Did this turn into the "worst first paragraph" thread?
It was a stark and dormy night...
There, that oughtta do it.
cyphercat wrote:Did this turn into the "worst first paragraph" thread?
What thread? This thread was closed eons ago.
LionTamerX wrote:It was a stark and dormy night...
There, that oughtta do it.
No, no, it was a starm and dorky night.
spoonerisms are over in aisle 5, ma'am...
It vas ein sturm und drangy nacht ?
'Twasn't a braw bricht moonlit nicht, anyway. But that's all richt.
T'was a stem and sterny yacht, and all through the rigging
not a sailor was stirring...
This thread seems to be on it's last legs.
Couldn't think of anywhere to put this, so I will put it here:
"A smart Japanese child in an American School class..
on world historical events!!
It was the first day of school and a new student named
Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the
fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American
history:--
*Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' She saw a sea
of blank faces, except for ------- --- Suzuki,
who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." He said.
*"Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the
People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'"?
---Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln,
1863.", said Suzuki.
*The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be
ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about
its
history than you do. "She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the
Japs." "Who said that?" she demanded.
--Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."
*At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke
[vomit]"
---The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said
that?"
*Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush [Sr.] to the Japanese
Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
---Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts
to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
*Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little
****. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
---Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice,
"[California Congressman] Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."
(The teacher fainted.) And as the class gathered around the
teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're f**ked!"
---and Suzuki said, "Americans,... in Iraq 2004!" "
couldn't think of anywhere to put this, so i will put it here:
hi.
Hi, RP!
What's your avatar so happy about this morning?
Eva, i'm doing my morning crunches.
ONE, TWO, BREATHE.
ONE, TWO, BREATHE.
UH, MPFF!
i am now feeling the burn, baby...
Really!
I'm doing my crunches, too!
