Does this sound like a healthy marriage?

littlefaithgirl,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can imagine how hard it must be on you.

You asked for honesty so don't be surprised when you get it. It sounds like to me your husband has a drinking problem and he is just a dry drunk right now. I am just going on what you have said and my past experience.

Have you and your husband ever discussed his drinking? It might be a good idea to try. If he knows he has a problem and he wants to do something about it there are plenty of programs like Alcoholics Anonymous out there that can help. I know that there will be more posters showing up that will give you excellent advice. They always do.

Hang in there and I hope things get better for you!

sounds like he's got some issue or other, the problem is, you can't fix him, you can only fix you

i'd suggest you check out an al-anon meeting, and perhaps a seperation to get both your heads straight

an avoidance of intimacy could also be a problem with impotence, not the sort of thinh most guys talk about easily or willingly

Me again
I do not mind the honesty here, that's what I want.

We did talk about the drinking issue in the past...about how it scares the ever-loving s--t out of me when I see that glazed look in his eyes, how our evening plans went from having a list of things to do to him snoring on the bed because he had too much to drink, etc. I said something one night to him that really hit hard. It was, "I'm not upset at you for having a beer with dinner, I'm upset with how fast you drink that one and then next and the next." He quit drinking that night for 6 months. Then a fight came up with his daughter (she is the teenage girl from hell -- aren't we all?! LOL) and he said it was too much to handle sober and got drunk.

I know he has a drinking problem, I'm not denying that at all. My Dad had one, too. He seems to think there's nothing wrong with the amount or frequency. One evening we went out with a friend to celebrate a new job. I started to feel like I was there at the restaurant, but not really there and said, "OK, that's it for me...I'm starting to not feel very well." He got very defensive and said, "Well, you are NOT telling me I have to stop just because you can't drink anymore." I weigh a whole 104 pounds soaking wet...it doesn't take much for me to get drunk. I told him he could do whatever he wanted, he was a big boy now. So, I got dropped off at his friend's house (we were visiting with him) and he and his friend went out to a few bars. They came in around 2am and my husband couldn't stand up without holding on to the walls! Can I tell you how scared that made me??? When he woke up the next day just peachy, I asked if we could limit the drinking and we fought yet again.

Funny you should bring up the impotence thing...we've had problems in that area more than not lately. I try my best to be understanding about it, I NEVER say cruel things when it happens, in fact, I tell him it's okay and we can just wait until tomorrow. I know too many women who belittle the guy they are with over this...I can't do that.

I feel so lost. He keeps asking me what's wrong tonight and I can't answer him - it's not just one thing, it's abunch of little things he and I have talked about over and over, you know? He went to get the kids from the pool hall by the way. When his daughter came in she was laughing so hard I was a fraid she was going to wet herself. I asked what was so funny and she said, "Dad is being sooooo funny right now!" so when he walked in, I had a smile on my face and he looked like he just lost his best friend. They get the fun and I get "BLECH".

I think a separation for both of us to think is on the way...I meant every vow I said when I married him and know all about the bad times, but there just aren't any good times right now. Perhaps the saying you don't know what you got til it's gone is true. Maybe if we separate, we'll both "remember" why we got married to begin with. I, by the way, am 35 and he is 41...could this also be a mid-life crisis? I don't know much about that, but it just popped into my head.

Thank you guys...I really appreciate the opportunity to be truthful here.